Last year, a magician from the United States performed for the local military community at the American High School on the U.S. Army Post Patch Barracks in Stuttgart-Vaihingen, Germany. He brought a seven-year-old military child up on stage to assist with an illusion and asked him, "Where are you from?" The child looked out at his parents as if he'd been asked a question in another language. The audience broke out into murmurs. The magician was confused. He thought the child's lack of basic personal knowledge was funny, but he was the only one laughing. Silly magician; the trick was on him.
Smoke and Mirrors
Confusion is just one of the themes that emerged when I asked a bunch of military children what they think when asked the question, "Where are you from?" Younger military children are indeed confused by the word "from." The seven-year-old child on the magician's stage had already lived in two states and two countries.
Once military children reach high school, they begin to shed their confusion and adopt concern or even distaste for the questioner—and the question. This is especially true when the child is well into his teens with a bounty of addresses under his belt. He doesn’t want to confuse the person asking, but finds it difficult to answer in a way that doesn't confuse: Will she understand my answer? Will he accept my answer without asking more questions? Will they get that look on their face?
Uh, no. "Everywhere" isn't the name of a city.
Drawing from the answers of U.S. military BRATs aged 16-60, the most common response to "Where are you from?" can be summed up with, "I'm not from anywhere. I'm from everywhere." But this is as meaningless an answer for the person asking as the word "from" is for the military child. As she gets older, she learns to—or rather she concedes to—give questioners what they want: One answer (even though it isn't the correct answer.)
Paige (Air Force): If I feel like explaining, I'll give 'em the whole military shpeal [sic]. I don't like explaining, though, because people don't get it. So pretty much, "Hi, I'm Paige. I'm from Alaska."
Justin (Marine Corps): Usually I just say North Carolina. Trying to explain more usually confuses the average person.
Shawn (Army): My answer to "where I'm from" changes as circumstances warrant. If we're talking about wintertime childhood experiences I will say, "Well I'm from Connecticut and let me tell you about the blizzards we had when I was a kid." Occasionally people call me on it if they've heard me say that I'm "from" two or three or eight different places.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Glenn Contrarian
Diana -
Very good article.
I'm retired Navy, and so are most of my friends, and as a result we see all our kids who are by definition Navy brats. There are some of the common traits in them as you pointed out, but there's a couple other common traits that I might mention.
1 - They're normally unafraid of travel, of exposure to different cultures and languages. I'd say it's certainly easier for them to interact with those who are different from them than it is for the normal high-school kid who's grown up in Small Town, America. As a result, I'd also say that military brats are generally (but not always) less racist, less prejudiced than 'normal' American kids are. My youngest son considers himself a 'citizen of the world' - he's equally at home in Seattle or in the slums of Manila or in any of the other places he's been.
2 - They're generally healthier, since at least one of their parents must stay in good shape, and they've got access (while the parent is on active duty) to free and high-quality health care, including preventative care.
3 - In the days before the internet (and particularly before Facebook), military kids were forced to leave their friends every few years or so, and often had difficulty in keeping friendships or relationships for long periods of time as a result. But now, I don't know if that's the case anymore since Facebook is so pervasive in our kids' world.
4 - I suspect that military kids also have a better grasp of the 'big picture' than do 'normal' kids...because military kids see their parent(s) go off to deployment for something that's a lot more important than, say, a job at Safeway or who's the Homecoming Queen or whose car is fastest. Yes, military kids do these too, but I'd say that for most military kids (but not all) on a deeper level such things are not quite as important to them as to 'normal' kids.
2 - Christopher Rose
another good read from one of my favourite BCers.
I can understand this issue as I too have moved around a lot and don't really think of one particular place as home. When I get asked these days I generally say I'm an Earthling! Or online I say I'm from the internet.
As to Glenn's comment, points 1 and 2 are good; Facebook is helping keep lots of people in contact, for me particularly with my family and friends as we seem to have spread around the country (UK) or the world as time has gone on.
His 4 is the most contentious point though; I don't know what military kids think of what their parents do, but there is only a small proportion of what the American military does that is actually "important". Most of it is some combination of delusional, misguided or naive...
3 - Glenn Contrarian
Chris -
You may be right and I may well be wrong on that last point. I'll give you that one.
4 - diana hartman
Thanks guys :)
5 - diana hartman
Dear Editor who got me on the front page so fast - Thank You!
6 - Igor
Diana's articles are always interesting, and perhaps the best at Blogcritics. Ordinarily I wouldn't find an article about military brats very interesting, but this one had just the right touch.
7 - diana hartman
Thank you Igor :)
8 - Dr Dreadful
I'm curious as to what sort of accent these military kids who are born, grow up and live overseas have. Do they spend most of their time on base and sound indistinguishably American, or does their English contain nuances of the local lingo?
As an expat I often get asked where I'm from. I usually just say "London" although most Londoners, myself included, think of the suburb they grew up in or live in as their true hometown.
The response I'd love to be able to give sometimes is along the lines of Fisher Stevens' character in the movie Short Circuit, who has a thick Indian accent. When asked where he's from, he answers "Bakersfield". When the question is clarified - where are he and his family originally from? - he says, "Oh! Pittsburgh."
9 - Nathan from the Blog
At Dr.Dreadful.. I can tell you personally that my accent is well hidden. Some if not most military brats who have to move and become the "Social Chameleon" to make friends often learn how to disguise their accents quickly. For example the general public doesn't/won't ever know that I secretly have a Nordic/Germanic accent. Only my close friends do and that's only because they've seen me slip up. Our "cover-up" however is just as good as any American accent because we grew up with it from our parents.
10 - David B
when asked I just say 'pick a place' - Navy brat, and retired Navy - drives my wife nuts though, and she's an Army brat
11 - James
Very interesting article. I'm surprised that people seem to be put off by the "where are you from" question. I always liked being asked that question because I loved seeing people's reactions when I went through "the list" of where we had lived.
12 - Candy
I was an Air Force "Brat". I guess I must be unusual because I was never confused by that question. If I was asked I was say I was a Air Force brat and had lived in many places. I more commonly heard "Where were you born?", which was Texas although I was 6 months old when I left and have never been back. Now that I am older, the question rarely comes up but if asked I say I consider where I am home as I have lived here longer than any other place in my life.
13 - Kristy
I'm not sure that I understand why the author is making a big deal out of the "where are you from" question. I never felt awkward or sensitive answering that question, regardless of where my dad was stationed. I just answered, "I'm an Army Brat, so everywhere and nowhere." I have a hard time believing that there are lots of military kids who feel put off by the question, or people's reactions. We don't need more folks trying to be PC in this world.
14 - Devyn
Oh gosh, I can't tell you how annoying that question is, as an Air Force brat. I was born in florida, moved it Japan, moved to california, moved back to japan, then back to florida, and as soon as I explain this and that my dad is Air Force, I get the ignorant comments and questions "Were all your friends Japanese?!" "OH, say something in Japanese!" "Do you speak Japanese?!" -__- NO! I don't. What part of military did you miss? I lived on a base - with ALL THE OTHER MILITARY MEMBERS STATIONED THERE. It's truly annoying.
15 - Holly S.
I'm confused as to why anyone would be in the least bit offended at being asked where they're from. It's a bog-standard get-to-know-you question, and there's no need for hints as to how to ask, what to say, etc. I'm an Air Force brat who lived all over the US while Dad was on active duty, and I now live in England. Since I clearly don't sound English, but I also don't have an identifiable regional American accent, I'm always getting asked where I'm from. Standard answer: America. If that's not specific enough, I just say my Dad was military, and that invariably does the trick. I'm with Kristy on this one. Get over it, people - it's just a polite question.
16 - Elena
I'm not offended by the question, but I'm always caught off guard. You'd think by now I'd have an answer ready but I just don't. The concept of being "from" somewhere is foreign to me.
17 - Irma
No Coast Guard?????????/
18 - Paul
I was raised in suburbia, but now live in rural America. Here, when someone asks "Where are you from?" the answer is often "I'm not from around her, I'm from ___" and they'll name a one stoplight village less than 20 miles away.
19 - Carol O.
My kids and I all have the same hesitation. We don't identify with "place" as much as family. It is hard to know what to say and although it is not "offensive" to me (or my kids) it is sometimes awkward. The author has it right on. However, I do not think the public needs educating as much as we need to prepare our kids for these situations. It does not matter which answer you decide is most comfortable, it is just necessary to have an answer. Help your kids decide which answer is the best fit for them and practice it. Then they will be prepared and not upset, irritated, confused or put out by it.
20 - Stefanie D.
Dr. Dreadful,
I like your question. It's thoughtful in a way that considers our daily activities & wide-ranging experiences as individuals even in our own unique group.
My own family is Cajun and I spoke with a cute lil Cajun accent as a tot. At 12 years old my family moved from Little Rock Air Force Base to Okinawa, Japan. I was suddenly the racial minority as a Caucasian & developed somewhat of a complex. Everyone else had such cool & interesting ethnic parents: Japanese, Filipino/-a, Thai, Korean, German, French, Samoan, Hawaiian (the true difference), & on & on...
This kind of diversity at our Dept. Of Defense School on base (where the standard language spoken was English) also brought with it a wide variety of linguistic accents being heard from every corner of every hall & classroom. It was awesome! There were even dialect differences between students who shared primary ethnicity. If you cared enough to notice or were intrigued to care, it was the greatest experience you could offer a young mind.
My own accent now? I took it all in & let them out at different times & different moods, in different settings. I have such a vast expressive palette at my disposal if only through linguistics.
I have a speech pattern that no one has ever been able to nail down with certainty (afterall, how could they?), but frequently ask about it. I'm asked if I'm from up north, down south, Canada, Australia, even once asked if I was an ESL speaker from Asia after a few drinks on holiday, haha.
It has also allowed me an amazing ability to "mimic" - or maybe it's true acquisition - of very native speech intonation, accents, and even behavior patterns when I am learning new languages. Among the countless others, experiencing language diversity is still easily one of my very favorite military-brat lifestyle benefits that I consider a gift to have been given to me.
(sorry for minimal editing, on the go!)
21 - Jenne
The problem I always had with being asked where I was from was that people where not willing to accept the answer. They wanted to decide for me that I was from Mississippi (where I was born, although I only lived there for a few months) or New Jersey (where my dad was from.) They wanted to impose their sense of being "from" somewhere on me, but I don't have the points of reference that people have when they are "from" somewhere. I now say "APO AE/NY" or simply "everywhere." I wouldn't trade my childhood for anything, but I also know that the only people who understand it are my fellow brats.
As for accents, mine is a very bland middle-American accent with surprising bits of flava added from the various places I've lived and people I've known. I can mimic a wide variety of accents very easily and I can understand English spoken with a heavy accent.
22 - julie
@ Christopher Rose, you are entitled to your opinion as to what is and is not important, and your freedom to voice that opinion was provided by the sacrifice of a veteran. Also remember that the campaigns of our military in America are decided by our government, not by our service members, so whether you agree or not, please do not cut down the men and women who protect the freedoms we enjoy....
23 - Jordan Richardson
Julie, how specifically is the military protecting your freedoms currently? What freedoms are under attack?
I've always been curious about this.
24 - julie
I'm talking about our basic constitutional freedoms. The fact that people fought and died for those rights cannot be discredited. Neither can the fact that our military continues to protect those by presence alone. Why does any country have a military? To stand for, and protect what they value. I'm not specifically referring to our current "war", but as an American I feel better knowing that we have the ability to kick ass when we need to. Not sure what country you are from, but I'm sure you have a military of some degree, doing exactly what American service men and women do.
25 - El Bicho
"I'm talking about our basic constitutional freedoms."
who is "our"? Christopher doesn't live in the U.S. And why do so many people who support the military think they can tell others how to use the freedom they are allegedly fighting for? Seems like a bit of a contradiction.