Help me out here; confirm I'm not crazy. If someone walked up and said, "Why, So-and-So, you’re looking fat today," So-and-So would feel pretty offended. Or, if someone looked straight into the face of a middle-ager and declared, "Wow, you look old," said middle-ager might be tempted to haul off and slap the person. Don't you agree?
These are examples of things called brazen faux pas. If you’re a bit rusty on the French, let me sum it up: There are certain things you just don’t say to people.
What if the person launched into an even more detailed insult by explaining his position? What if he tried to excuse himself by declaring his affronts to be veiled compliments? The addressee would be angry, right? He'd want to walk away, or deliver some choice words of his own, right? Please, tell me I’m not alone in this!
I ask because it makes no sense to me why it's not okay to comment on weight, old age, ugliness, and the like, but it's completely fine to comment on how young a person looks. At 4'11", with a petite frame, I am a prime target for these gross offenders. Apparently, I practically scream, "Make an annoying comment about how you can't believe I'm twenty," because I get those comments all the time. I think it's about time somebody takes a stand for the baby-faces.
I doubt that the people who say, wide-eyed, "But...you look THIRTEEN!" even think before they speak. As a general rule, thinking is a good first step to conducting yourself well in public, and with strangers. First, if you know what you're saying could be potentially insulting, why on earth would you trumpet it in public? Second, if you've just met the person and have spent zero time with him or her, why do you think you have the right to speak so freely?
Article comments
1 - NancyGail
I live in Georgia. Here, sweetie and honey aren't insults. Just SOP.
2 - Joanne Huspek
Hmmm... I remember being your age. Sure it was a million years ago when dinosaurs roamed the earth. I was also thin, petite and being part Asian have always looked younger than I was. I would call the kids' menu thing a compliment. You'll probably be very well preserved when you're my age.
It's all in perception. People would grill me on my "nationality" (back then, it's to PC incorrect to do now) but I never took it as being a big deal. Same thing with age.
I can't remember the first time I was ma'amed but I sure remember the first time my 19 year old daughter was.
Perception... :-)
3 - Nm
In general we would all be better off if we stopped evaluating each other, coveting youth and being so obsessed by our own opinions.
I am sure we all have something better to do.
Being a tall woman w/a large frame, it seems you have the better end of the deal, but I haven't walked in your shoes.
Don't take people's comments to heart - putting your energy into emotional reactions to people's behavior diminishes your well-being. Trust me, educating those who are unwilling is a fruitless full time job.
4 - Shari
It's not rude to comment on any attribute which is seen as favorable by society. Being beautiful and young are seen as preferred states. It's the same with being fit, trim, well-dressed, or well-groomed.
It may be annoying, but it's understandable.
5 - LUKE
ye wat everyone else sed but 10x better
6 - Andy (SwineInsanity)
Don't worry... Pretty soon you will be carded for R rated movies.... Then at that point you can say thank you for the compliment. That actually happened to me when I was 21. Today I was told by a guy I haven't seen for about a year I had aged about 20 years since he seen me... I am 34. ugh!