Attending the usual networking events while searching for a job is something I usually dread. The scene is always the same and the one question always asked of me by some "Shelley Levine in a leisure suit" is, "So, young Christopher, what did you major in while studying at that state-funded, urban concrete university of yours?"
"I was a Communications major," I always respond with a naïve twinkle in my eye.
The generic partygoer usually gasps in horror, "Well, what are you going to do with that?"
Though Communications remains a mystery to the average person, it is nothing to fear or loathe. Communications is, simply put, the art of bullshit. That's right, bullshit. Graduates in the Communications field are paid (yeah, right!) insane amounts of money to talk about, write about, and invent new ways to present bullshit.
If you are undecided on a college major, I highly recommend Communications. It's one of the few fields, other than Philosophy, in which you can actually drink your way through college and come out with a better grade point average than if you had stayed sober.
No money for beer? Sell those burdensome Communications manuals! Communications majors don't read, and those books are useless propaganda anyway. So sorry, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, and any other self-help boogeyman out there: Print is dead. Long live the age of video!
What about research and reports, you may ask? More bullshit. My thesis for my Master's degree is going to be on how Scrappy-Doo ruined Scooby-Doo's show and why Freddy, Daphne, Velma and Shaggy always wore the same damn clothes day after day, thanks (in no small part) to a "Nixon era recession." See what I mean?
Basically, the library serves no purpose for us. Oh, sure, those soundproof study cubicles were great for having sex in while at college but, other than that, Communications majors have no real purpose for that dusty old book building, do they?
It might seem Communications majors are the lowest members on the totem pole of education, but if college was the food chain equivalent of "Stratego," Communications majors would be "the eights" and Philosophy majors would be "the nines." In that light, Communications majors outrank, or could jump, Philosophy majors - but are vulnerable to just about everyone else.
Article comments
1 - Our Lady of The Worthless Miracle
May The Source be with you.
2 - Willy
Worst article ever, there's plenty of opportunities for communications majors
3 - Chris McVetta
Free Willy, I couldn't agree with you more.
4 - Jam
Gave me a laugh (and speaking as a freshman majoring in communication and journalism more concerned with the weekend than the week) a sense of hope.
5 - Chris McVetta
Thank you! I truly am the Luke Perry of journalism!
6 - Joy
hahah after reading this i realize communications is the only major for me
7 - Chris McVetta
Yes, I am truly the Indiana Jones of journalism (cough).
And, as always, I am just making it up as I go along... Where's my fedora?
Chris (closes eyelids in classroom): LUV YOU.
8 - BOB SMITH
I don't get this article!!!???
9 - Ria
Hilarious! I was a communication major and slept my way through many semesters. I do think however, I learned how "work" every job I have ever had. I am doing well and most jobs are eager to test out my public speaking, presentation, writing and Question and Answer skills. But this article sorta true :p
10 - Deon
So are you saying that finding a job in the field of communications will be easy or will this be difficult?
11 - Melissa Cenona Rivera
That's the major I'm in! I wanted to be in theatre, but my horrible, horrible acne pimple proactive-lacking face mixed with the stage lights is unbearable.
12 - Vanessa Carlson
Very funny.