In the spring, when my husband and I went to mulch the roses, we were met with live bees swarming as we reached into the bag, using our bare hands as we pulled out handfuls of swarming bees and bits of mulch. Thank goodness I noticed the mulch was infact, moving - not simple mulch at all but bee-mulch. But the bees were docile and calm because perhaps despite everything, we were docile and calm mulching our wedding roses. Had things been otherwise, it would have been much like something out of a horror movie.
As to the rest of that time, the single bed in the study where I slept would shake at night (I wasn’t seizing and was actually too frightened to just look under it). I began to sleep with a locked door – a lock that sometimes worked, other times did not. Most locks can be “keyed”; this changes the order of latches so that the key sometimes works, other times does not. Our home became a bad version of Hollywood; think Hollyweird. And my ex-husband and I, well, we’re just not a very Hollywood couple. We work in publishing.
It would be an easy thing to take the fact of my epilepsy and manic depression and say, Well, this is why you perceive things as such. None of it was or is real. You only perceive it that way because you are sick… dear.
Or you could say using medicinal cannabis, a drug which has helped me immensely, has instead had some negative impact on my perception as opposed to a positive effect on my medical condition and that instead everything I’ve told you is my head; and as to the rest of what I am about to say – well, it’s paranoia.
So you could say any of those things at all; and perhaps some people who read this will say one or all of the above because maybe what I write sounds far-fetched to them. I have to say, it does seem odd – even to me. And I would like answers too.
There is more, and so if what is happening and what happened to me is not about my divorce, well then, maybe it is about this – because I’m telling you all of the possible reasons why anyone might hate me enough to do this. It seems far-fetched even to me but here you have it.