Buddy "Stubby" Jones doesn't have a $90 million Nike contract, like LeBron James.
Ben "Shorty" Talley's jersey isn't flying off the racks like Carmelo Anthony's is in Denver.
And they don't call Wilbur Hack "The Answer," like they do Allen Iverson (actually, Hack has an even better nickname - "Wheelie").
But for one day, these anonymous players from the YMCA's Blind Wheelchair Basketball League upstaged the NBA multimillionaires in the most shocking turn of events since America added pro players 12 years ago.
Friday's 105-12 blowout was the worst loss ever for an American team with NBA players in exhibition competition. YMCA's Buddy "Stubby" Jones scored 32 points, 16 coming from lay-ups against a weak USA defense, and "Shorty" Talley, their best long-distance shooter, rained a series of 3-pointers with little or no outside opposition.
Following Tuesday's big loss to a team of short, anonymous Italians, this loss is especially dire for a USA team hoping for a gold medal in the upcoming Olympics at Athens.
"Very surprising," said Pat Williams, the Orlando Magic's executive vice president.
"But keep in mind, this is a very young USA team and their egos are as big as their salaries, so they don't plan to play together like a normal team. They're more interested in slam-dunks and having highlight videos on ESPN. No question, the world of basketball is changing very quickly, and our guys just couldn't get used to an offense that that not only worked well together, but operated on wheels!"
"Maybe the USA shouldn't send NBA players," Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban joked. "Might make the league look bad and hurt our ability to market. Or maybe Team USA is playing possum to make the games more interesting. Or maybe they're just a bunch of young, spoiled egotistical assholes who are more interested in partying in the hotel bar with whores, drug dealers, and sports agents. I'm betting on the last one."
So are others around the NBA, who can't believe a team showcasing the league's brightest star (Tim Duncan) and its promising future (James, Anthony, Dwyane Wade, Amare Stoudemire) got beat by a bunch of blind men with no legs.
LeBron James, who appeared exhausted after the rout, said, "Look, my toes are insured for a hundred grand a piece, so having my career ruined by some blind fucker in a wheelchair is not on my "to-do" list. Not for some dinky gold medal. Hell, I can buy the freakin' gold mine; why bust my ass for some cheap-ass Greek bling?"
Article comments
1 - Dirtgrain
"and is also planning a public humiliation of Alan Iverson for a bit of added 'motivation.'"
Could Larry Brown and Alan Iverson be the next Abbot and Costello?
2 - RJ
Better be careful here, Shark. You just made fun of a dozen successful "people of color," so I expect you-know-who will be making an appearance shortly... ;-)