"Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you to stop what you're doing and listen."
NOT EVERYTHING IS A PARTISAN ISSUE.
I’m serious. There are things in this country and in this world that have nothing to do with George W. Bush. Or Iraq. Or religious zealots. Or gay marriage.
Really.
There are even some people in this world that don’t even care about partisan issues.
This morning while I was getting dressed for class, I decided to wear my light blue “holey” sweater. A rational person would say that this was the sweater I independently chose to wear today. But then you get partisans who will tell you, “Oh, she chose blue because she’s a Democrat and she hates America!” or “She’s wearing a holey sweater because Bush lied and stole her good sweater and he lied about Iraq!”
Most rational people are thinking there’s no way my clothing choice could be turned into a partisan issue. But it could. It probably will, too.
With Hurricane Katrina in the south, what most could see as a tragedy of nature has turned into, surprise surprise, another partisan attack on why George W. Bush is a bad president, or why we’re all sinners. It was a hurricane. I didn’t pay much attention in my natural science class, but I believe hurricanes are spurred by tiny gremlins living deep under the sea. And you know what? I don’t think those gremlins give two shits about who’s Republican or Democrat, sinner or saint.
Like it or not, we’re in Iraq. Like it or not, gas prices are obnoxious. Like it or not, my Spring Break 2006 destination is underwater. You have to deal with it, and we can either deal with it by fighting amongst ourselves, or we can suck it up and stand behind the leadership of our leaders, better or worse, for the next three years.
Like it or not.
Whether or not you actually pay attention to prophecy, or believe in karma, or believe in the tiny hurricane gremlins, the simple fact is that this country is not going to get better, things are not going to be resolved, until we can get past our partisan differences, depolarize ourselves, and come together.
Like it or not.
When it comes down to it, not everything is an opportunity to attack the other side. Sometimes we just have to get over our differences long enough to say “Fuck it,” and get along with those obnoxious, arrogant Republicans. Or those baby-eating Democrats.
We may intend to solve things with our particular partisan beliefs. We may intend to make things better. We may even intend to help people. But the fact of the matter is, this country doesn’t live with intentions, it lives with consequences. And the consequences of our partisan actions are much more negative than the intentions behind them.
And in case you were wondering, I did pick the blue sweater because I hate America.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Matthew T. Sussman
... things are not going to be resolved, until we can [...] come together.
Like last night when we had sexual relations?
2 - ChelseaLou
As Sussman has astutely pointed out, he and I are a prime example of partisan opposites coming together.
Sex makes everything better.
Alka-Seltzior!
3 - Bob A. Booey
I was going to ask if Chelsea Lou (Sussman's apparent blog biatch) was hot, but then I clicked her name and saw that she quotes that idiot poseur Tucker Max right next to her name on the blog.
And that was about enough of that.
The only people who like Tucker Max, think he's funny, and believe his geek turned wannabe party guys stories are lame virgin guys and fat, drunk chicks.
He's like the guy who tried too hard in your pledge class and whom no one wanted to hang out with because he wouldn't shut up about chicks despite never getting any. He's an insecure geek selling an image of a sociopath rich party boy to gullible, misogynistic man-children who don't know any better. Worse yet, he's not funny. At all. And anyone who reads his crap or thinks he is funny is a total douche, from my experience.
I've had the horror of having my sense of humor compared to him by two really stupid, repulsive people in the last few months. And they were both women, neither of whom was hot, incidentally. I took it as a grave insult by drunk cows and didn't even acknowledge the reference. The only women who think he represents how guys talk or think are women who don't know or understand real men. He's no alpha male, ladies. Trust me. He's more afraid of you and your vagina than you are of men (or fake Internet approximations of masculinity).
That is all.
4 - Bob A. Booey
For what it's worth, I like Sussman.
I just really don't get why Tucker Max has any popularity among blog geeks.
That is all.
5 - ChelseaLou
I'm not really a Tucker Max fan. Personally, I think he's obnoxious and arrogant and his blog stuff really isn't all that funny. I just thought his intro sort of embodied my smartass persona. That is all.
Alka-Seltzior!
6 - Bob A. Booey
OK, fair enough, honey :)
If you take it down, I'll consider you hot and we're cool :) I'm just worried Tucker will see your blog one day and start beating off to the attention.
I'm from Chicago, I've heard about what he's like from people who know him and have seen him about, and trust me, you wouldn't even notice him twice if you met him. He's laughable, not funny, and a little annoying pest, in the opinion of those in the know around here.
Any biatch of Sussman's is alright with me.
That is all.
7 - ChelseaLou
Really, Bob. Please like us.
8 - Matthew T. Sussman
Three people agree with each other. That's today's record.
9 - Celeste O.
Nice picture. Young and in love. Just shave that awful goatee and trim up that bowl cut before the wedding.
10 - Bob A. Booey
Celeste is funny.
Yeah, you're a cute couple.
And Sussman, she's way too good for you :) Remember that whenever she bugs you about watching baseball on TV.
You crazy kids :)
Take Tucker Max off your blogs and I'll give you my eternal blessing.
That is all.
11 - Matthew T. Sussman
BOWL CUT???
Never had one in my life. That's simply a camera trick.
And I no longer have the goatee. Now it's a full beard. (Got lazy, electric razor ran out of juice while on the road. It's trimmed though.) Chelsea secretly loves it.
12 - ChelseaLou
Booey, that's just hooey!
Sorry. I've wanted to say that ever since I first saw your name like, months ago. I don't know. I'm weird.
Alka Seltzior!
13 - Bob A. Booey
Chelsea, be honest with him about the goatee, honey :) You weren't loving it.
Celeste (I love your frozen pizza by the way) is right about the goatees.
But I still can't be mad at you crazy kids in love, no matter what kind of crap you read on that there Internet.
That is all.
14 - Bob A. Booey
Chelsea, you're funny :)
Have your people call mine when you want to go on "Cheaters" with me. My girlfriend followed me to one of my kickboxing classes, though, so watch out. Sorry, Sussman :)
I just figured out what your "Alka Seltzior" thing is making fun of. That guy's a goof. The best I could come up with was "Excalibur!"
Yours is slightly funnier, if more pun-ny. Or should I say punnier?
OK, the lovefest has gotten too geekarific for me.
Tucker Max wouldn't approve of the peace, love and unity.
That is all.
15 - ChelseaLou
Bob, that picture was taken at my sorority's formal. Sussman has a thing against Greeks. I was just glad he showed up ... facial hair and the like was the least of my concerns.
Sorority girl (past president, no less). Published anti-Greek. Irony at your finest.
16 - Bob A. Booey
Awwww, you kids are just a walking contradiction. So what's the political difference exactly? He's liberal and you're an um former sorority president? :)
Oh, and Chelsea, will you replace Tucker Max's quote with one of mine?
I'm a much better writer than he is. I'm much better at the scorched-earth male narcissist thing. Wouldn't you agree after reading my nonsense for months? Or perhaps you viewed me similarly? Yikes. I don't know what impression people take away, honestly. What was yours?
That is all.
17 - Celeste O.
From the shadows, I think you could be a good writer, Bob. But you spend too much time debating instead of composing. And therefore wasting talent.
And I've never heard that frozen pizza joke before.
18 - Al Barger
First of all, this was an outstanding little essay both stylistically and in the sensible message. Gave me warm fuzzy feelings.
But then I add in that picture, and...
See, I like Mr Sussman well enough and all. He seems like a pretty decent fellow. I don't really WANT to hurt him or anything, understand. But if he was the only thing standing between me and the beautiful and witty Miss Chelsea...
For you I could overlook it, but why DO you hate America so much?
19 - ChelseaLou
I hate America for their constant discrimination against balloon doggies.
I didn't ASK to be the ambassador of Balloon Doggies. The Balloon Doggies DEMANDED it!
20 - Bob A. Booey
Ugh, Al, go away.
Don't bring your creepiness, ass-kissery and bad flirting over here.
Celeste: I'm not a creative writer. I don't do fiction. I'm a critic and maybe I say a funny thing here or there (usually funnier than the frozen pizza joke, which was still pretty damn funny). But a very interesting insight nonetheless :) You hit on one word that really shows you're pretty smart. Do you write on here otherwise? I'll have to check your stuff out if you do. You should definitely write more often.
Chelsea: When you have taken down Tucker Max and replaced him with my sublime and ridiculous verbiage, then I'll call Cheaters and let Joey Greco know he's on call.
That is all.
21 - Al Barger
Poor balloon doggies. We should take some time out from this Katrina business and organize some kind of telethon for the balloon doggies. After all, aren't THEY the real victims?
22 - Bob A. Booey
Revolting, like a pile of rancid filth covered by the putrid sewage of desperation.
This thread is ruined for me now.
That is all.
23 - ChelseaLou
Never one to stroke others' ... egos ... I just replaced it with my own sentiments. Simple. Elegant. Chelsea.
Sep 01, 2005 at 11:44 pm
And by the way, if people enjoy me and Suss on the blogosphere, you should read
24 - ChelseaLou
Okay. Don't read the Official Comment policy. But do read the blog associated when clicking my name in this comment.
25 - Temple Stark
>>Like it or not, we’re in Iraq. Like it or not, gas prices are obnoxious.
Your post with some of the examples given also seems to be an argument for "sit back and take it, don't bitch, don't complain. Enjoy it."
On Hurricane Katrina, which I think sparked this post, that's true. Deal with the disaster first. Be one of those who steps p and does something good, not one of those who only quarterbacks from in front of the computer screen
On some of the more .. ahem .. political issues ... people should look and prod and push for better solutions.