Chelsea: Bodhi, what are you chewing on?
Bodhi: Your bra.
Chelsea: How did you get ahold of it?
Bodhi: You left it on the floor. Fair game.
Chelsea: Well, stop it. That’s Victoria’s Secret. It’s expensive.
Bodhi: Why? You sleep alone every night as a result of your fear of commitment, watching Family Guy, and eating ice cream out of the carton. I highly doubt you’re going to need to impress anyone with this high caliber lingerie.
Chelsea: You never know. That guy at the other end of the hall is cute.
Bodhi: He’s gay.
Chelsea: How do you know?
Bodhi: His toy poodle told me.
Chelsea: Good point. I probably should’ve seen that one coming.
Bodhi: Probably, but in the meantime I’m going to drag the bra around the apartment at a speed faster than you can catch me and then hide it in some obscure corner for your mother to find the next time she’s in town.
Chelsea: Well, as long as you don’t take a liking to my thongs.
Bodhi<: A step ahead of you – already thoroughly chewed and hidden under the love seat.
Chelsea: You’re good.
Bodhi: What can I say, I have good taste.
Chelsea: In lingerie?
Bodhi: Yeah, the toy poodle down the hall gave me some advice.
Chelsea: Isn’t that toy poodle a boy?
Bodhi: *pauses* Yeah…
Chelsea: No wonder you called out the gay guy down the hall.
Bodhi: What is that supposed to mean?
Chelsea: You did hump the other dog in the cage at the pet store before I decided to adopt you. I saw you.
Bodhi: That beautiful shih tzu was a wonderful girl and we had a meaningful relationship.
Chelsea: Bodhi, that shih tzu was a boy. I worked there, remember? I’d know.
Bodhi: …What?
Chelsea: …Yeah.
Bodhi I feel a little nauseous, and a little misled. And for that, I am going to go throw up in your bra.
Chelsea: Well, if you do, tell that poodle to steal me a replacement from his master. He looks about like a B cup.
"A sinister cabal of superior writers."
Article comments
1 - Michael J. West
This didn't talk about boobies. You cheated us!
2 - Matthew T. Sussman
Who among us doesn't have a "Chelsea's bra in our teeth" story?
3 - Michael J. West
(raises hand)
4 - Christopher Rose
I have lots of stories about bras in my teeth in Chelsea!
5 - Victor Lana
This reminds me of my old dog Max (who sadly passed on years ago). I always had to scold him for breaking my balls.
(Hey, you don't know what it's like to come home and find all your tennis balls scattered around the room, cracked open by a frenzied yellow Lab who has spent all day missing you?)
6 - Chelsea Snyder
Did he frequently break your balls, Victor?
(Junior high maturity-level giggling ensues.)
7 - Victor Lana
Yes, Chelsea, even when they were in their sealed plastic tube containers. Man, that dog was a ball breaker, but I loved him (and miss him still).
8 - Chelsea Snyder
I know how it goes, Victor. Throughout high school, we had two very high strung Shelties who loved to tear into things. When our little boy, Riley, died recently, our girl, Maggie, calmed down a lot. You'd think my parents would be happy to have her finally mellow out, but she's just not the same. :(