What are the ideas? Why is this a religion?
Christianity - for all the confounding arabesques its texts might weave about the brains of the reader, for all the density of those allegories and parables and proverbs and poems, still has a discernable set of core messages and beliefs, albeit of wildly varying hierarchical rank. Ditto Judaism, Buddhism, Hare Krishna, Islam. Ten minutes in a temple or a mosque or a chapel or a church and a fella has at least some idea of where these people are coming from. The Word - the first and most blessed and Holy of God’s gifts - blazes from the grout in the floor-tiles, it glistens on the walls like dew… Those exposed to The Word wear its marks upon their bodies. The Word clings to their wrists and their ankles. The Word wavers in the whites of their eyes and scintillates upon their breath.
Herein, The Word has been blunted, muffled. The many tongues of God - if indeed there is a God in this set-up - have been bound and boxed and buried. They yammer away from the bowels of the earth in a language shorn of inflection, accent and tone, leaving only vague traces of past pronouncements lying flayed and spluttering nonsensical amongst the slogans and the signs. The bearers of this phantom Word seem no more sure of it than I do. Each question is batted away like flies from round a horse’s arse. Each enquiry is met with a shrug and a nod towards thon stack of tomes over yonder, and an outstretched palm pines for the kiss of the Queen’s green mug on its flesh.
Through the doorway I see Sir Fleming talking enthusiastically with his tester. Most likely, I assume, she’s filling him in on all there is to know about the whole thetan-throttling shebang.
Aaron Fleming
Thoughts resound in the head, a curious blend of frightful anticipation and awkward self-consciousness. The wind of the street dashes by, a rogue London Lite fluttering in the bluster. Hands held out, clutching two silver cylinders, single black wires sprout out the back – umbilical cords feeding into a red box, dials and meters cast across its surface. Might she come back and demand I place these ridiculous cans to my head, to my eyes and ears; perhaps some orificial destination is on the cards? Surely the slab of concrete London on which I sit is not the best place to be ramming metallic objects up one’s unassuming anus!
Article comments
1 - El Bicho
Wonderful read. Writing seems a better use of both your talents rather than dropping pipes in the wee hours o' the morn. I am looking forward to the next installment unless the impending court-ordered injunction makes its way quickly through The Hague.
2 - Anonymous
No offense meant, but if you take your peas and place them in a nice, neat row, your communication will become more clear. Other than communicating distrust for all things religious, very little comes through. For example, Christianity is based on the idea that God sent his son (allegedly his only son) to Earth as a sort of representative.
3 - DukeDeMondo
Sir Bicho, thank you very much. I'm very glad you enjoyed it.
Anonymous - Admittedly, having two voices telling a tale in segments is going to be a bit disorientating initially, but i hope that perhaps it becomes a touch easier to follow things after the first or second "break". With regards the crux of the whole affair, most likely it'll become that bit clearer with the publication, on wedensday, of the second (and concluding) installment. Christianity is about a lot more, I'd go ahead and posit, than the idea of Christ as God's incarnation / son / representative. There's a lot goin' on in those texts, and a good bit of time is spent in the 2nd slab discussing it, and discussing also the ins and outs of scientology and its philosophy. Consider this a scene-setter, i suppose.
Also, it was purely by accident that this happened to be published on the same day that protests are erupting left and right with regards Scientology and its motives. The last thing either I or, I'm sure, Sir Fleming want is to join in on a witch-hunt, however devious the trickeries of those witches may be.
4 - Satire?
tL:dR. Begin = ++good. Language = ungood
Satirical, fictional story involving the Co$ = pricele$$
5 - Phillip Winn
Duke, it is such a pleasure to have your filthy words adorning these pages, I feel I could burst. Your partnership with the Flemster elevates both of your efforts to new heights. I do eagerly await with anticipation the hilarity sure to come in part deux.
And fear not for the Anons and $atires of the world. I'm sure that they will enjoy this essay as they become more familiar with your style and are let down from the tenterhooks on which they are now suspended.
6 - duane
Great stuff. Tag team BS detection. Looking forward to the next installment.
7 - Aaron Fleming
Thanks everyone for the comments.
El B - as much as you tempt with your words of encouragement, I will never give up the dream of dropping from high places assorted pipes - pipes long and short, thick and thin, metal and plastic, perforated and intact...the dream burns on.
Anonymous - indeed, as the Duke says, the impending part two should provide more the type of peas that should please your eyes.
8 - ostrova
I'm with Anonymous. A lotta highfallutin' language I'm not sure you thunk up too good made it hard to unnerstann. I think it was about some-a those people who Just Say No To Drugs. with Old Mother Hubbard.
9 - DukeDeMondo
Mr Winn, it feels very good to be back about the place, and i'm very glad you enjoyed our romping about. Duane - "tag team BS detection"... that is beautiful, sir.
Ostrova - I'm very sorry you didn't like it. Part two has lots of talk about i needed to take a poo, if that's any consolation.
10 - Bennett
Masterful!
Rumor has it that at a scifi convention, Heinlein and Hubbard debated the concept of creating a "new" religion and a challenge was issued.
Heinlein wrote Stranger In A Strange Land and Hubbard wrote Dianetics.
Frankly, I'm wishing some one would come along and teach me to speak Martian.
I'm really looking forward to part 2!