I've recently lost several close relationships due to painful circumstances. Divorce, disease-related death, and death by violence. I've also recently moved across the country. I'm normally independent and pretty confident in my abilities, but I feel like I'm struggling right now and I'm not sure how to break through that.
I'm having a really hard time meeting people in my new location, and I feel like I'm doing just barely okay at work. Normally I feel very good about my work, so this bothers me. I feel like I've drawn inward emotionally and can't seem to get back out to make connections and start being happy again.
I’m very sorry for your losses. Do you know any astrology? I’m guessing you don’t. But Pluto (death) just crossed your Venus (relationships) in Sagittarius... for the last time. There are two points to make about this.
First, when Pluto transits in aspect to a planet in your chart, a “wipeout” in the area indicated is almost a given. And it’s traumatic, just exactly as you describe. So that’s that.
Secondly, please note this transit has passed. Now I’m not going to make any promises, but it’s very likely that you’ve seen the worst of this. It’s sort of like your forest of friends has already burned to the ground. There is really nothing left to fuel a fire, so what’s left standing at this point is likely to remain so.
So with this analogy... the forest recovers, and so will you. But it doesn’t happen overnight. I had a similar experience some decades ago and I can tell you exactly how it went.
The losses came one after another, just as you describe. I thought I was going to die and I wished I could, but it didn't happen. I got hit and hit and hit and then I quit getting hit, but had no idea what to do, or who I was or how I felt anymore. This is where you are now. It’s a void.