There’s a phrase that gets tossed around a lot these days. “Traditional Family Values”. It’s guaranteed that you will here it said at least once in any speech by someone whose fighting against changes in the social order. Whether issues about sexuality, schooling, or even health and welfare are even relevant doesn’t seem to matter. It’s an emotional catch-all that can be used to pinpoint a speaker's place on the political map.
Three words that actually mean very little at all but that say a lot. Through inference they imply that what is being spoken against will somehow harm you and your children. Without even having to define how or what the damage will be, an emotional trigger is pulled to make people rally round the flag and pull up the drawbridge.
“Traditional Family Values” translates into, "The Barbarians are at the gate." Hide the women and children because they’re coming to rape, pillage, and burn. Visions of your teenage daughter being sold into white slavery, your son being ganged raped by rampaging homosexuals, and your wife and you being forced into acts of depravity dance through your head. You thank God for the N.R.A. and head for the bomb shelter out back with the Uzi and AK47.
What are traditional family values anyway? Just whose tradition are we talking about? Well, it's a safe assumption, given the gender, race, and class of most people who use the phrase, that we’re talking about white male protestant family values. Sure there are the occasional women who have been heard saying those words, but they’re usually the ones who mistook feminism for the right to act like a man instead of the freedom to be a woman.
I’m sure for most of those who hear those words and are philosophically allied with the speaker, they bring visions of Mom, Dad, two kids, a minivan, and a house in the suburbs to their head. Dad goes to work five days a week and on Saturday works around the house mowing the lawn and doing other Dad stuff. Son is older and plays football, has a steady girl who he holds hands with and takes out for a burger and Coke on Friday nights, while younger sister has giggly friends she talks too much with on the phone. Mom stays at home cooking and cleaning and whipping up meals from Campbell Soup labels.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - dietdoc
gypseyman, see the Saturday, NY Times, for an excellent view by Peter Steinfels, on what "family values" actually are and how they still thrive in America. It is actual research that some chap has been doing for years. Fascinating viewpoint and data. Apparently, there is a rather boring book on the most recent research findings.
Here is the link:
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/07/02/national/02beliefs.html
I wish I knew the proper HTML to mark it as a link.
Cheers,
Ron
2 - Aaman
Ron,
Enclose the text in < a href="linkurl">linkdesc< /a>
Ex: NY Times beliefs
Remove the space between the < and the next character
Look up HREF in Google
Regards
Aaman
3 - Nancy
Excellent work, Aaman. Lots of 'meat' to chew on, here. Thanks.
I'll start w/one phrase I'd like clarified: "they're usually the ones who mistook feminism for the right to act like a man instead of the freedom to be a woman." I'm not sure what this even means? What IS the 'right to act like a man' vs 'the freedom to be a woman'? I suspect you're not discussing here the 'right' to scratch ourselves rudely, belch loudly & even more rudely, & pee standing up? ;) Thanks.
4 - gypsyman
Ron:
Great article, thanks for the tip. It makes me wonder why the United States isn't changing like the rest of the world? I'm sure there are generalisations in the article,but it does go a long way to explaining the predominance of republican states in the last election.
People really are that scared huh?
Nancy: to extrapolate, instead of grabing hold of freedom some women have just learned how to imitate the behaviour of men. Becoming arragont and powerseeking at the expense of others. A powere suit is a power suit no matter the gender of the person wearing it.
As an idealist, treehugging hippy type I would have hopped that as women climbed the corporate ladder they would have shown themselves to be different in their attitudes towards the world then those of the opposite sex. But all they do(pegerative comment here)is seemingly ape their opposites.
Women could be so much more just like the rest of us.
5 - dietdoc
Aaman: Thanks for the HTML coding tip. It is much appreciated.
gypseyman: Good question. We have always been of a stubborn lot - often to our glory and, sadly, sometimes to our downfall. The same things that made us great have, often, lead to our most regretful failings.
Cheers,
Ron
6 - Tim Chisholm
Read your article on those oft quoted "Traditional Family Values" and totally enjoyed it. I've had a similar theory for years but have never put it to paper. Your perspective is excellent. My question to you is...could I (or we at www.radiogay.ca)have permission to reprint your article on our website (giving you full credit of course). Though I am white and middle class, our father tried his damndest to portray us as a loving family, hiding his constant verbal and sometimes physical abuse. Needless to say, we were a very dysfunctional family. I realize your not gay, but this story speaks for anyone and everyone who has tried to live the "dream"...which just doesn't exist. Your thoughts?
7 - Sonya Batten
Thank you for the voice of reason in a current world of insanity as far as "traditional family values" go. Christians need to remember hate is not a family value nor one us civilized folk care to pass along to our children.
8 - T A Dodger
One thing,
Sure there are the occasional women who have been heard saying those words, but they’re usually the ones who mistook feminism for the right to act like a man instead of the freedom to be a woman.
I think not. These are the women most likely to support the idea that men and women are fundamentally different (in more ways than the physical), and that those differences should be reflected in different spheres of respnosability.
9 - TA Dodger
responsability even
10 - Dave Nalle
Keep trying, Dodger - eventually you'll get it right.
Dave
11 - Dave Nalle
>>The people who preach for a return to “Traditional Family Values” want to turn back the clock on progress and hope. They want to pretend that the past twenty-five to thirty years haven’t happened.<<
I beg to differ. A great many of those people - regardless of religion or belief system - just want to return to a time when people put family first and self-gratification second. They miss the idea that a family functions as a mutually supportive unit working together towards common goals and a better life. That's what family values are really about.
Dave
12 - T A Dodger
Keep trying, Dodger - eventually you'll get it right.
"responsibilities"
There we go. Thanks for your confidence, I never could have done it without the support of the little people.
13 - T A Dodger
They miss the idea that a family functions as a mutually supportive unit working together towards common goals and a better life. That's what family values are really about.
No. That's what "family values" should be about.
In practice, people using this phrase seems to be talking about supporting patriarchy and punishing people for non-marital sex.
14 - Dave Nalle
My point is that the people who are misusing the term are a small minority of those who believe in the concept of family values and that most interpret the concept the right way.
And congratulations on your spelling accomplishment.
Dave
15 - T A Dodger
Dave,
That minority seems to be using the phrase to trick a lot of people into fear of sex and homosexuality.
And congratulations on your spelling accomplishment.
*bows*
16 - Dave Nalle
Do you have a suggestion about what to do about stupid people being easily manipulated by evil people? It seems to be an ongoing problem.
BTW, I absolutely despise the bumper sticker 'hate is not a family value', as it implies that the only thing people who believe in family values preach is hate. Let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater and perhaps consider that family values are actually good, but that the hate isn't and should be associated with them just because some try to make it that way.
Dave
17 - T A Dodger
Do you have a suggestion about what to do about stupid people being easily manipulated by evil people?
I think the sort of thing that is going on in this thread is valuable. Talking about family values, what they are, what they are not, and what they should be, is the only suggestion I can think of, honestly. Of course, that won't stop people from finding some other way to manipulate others, and I guess we just have to address each and every attempt at manipulation.
BTW, I absolutely despise the bumper sticker 'hate is not a family value', as it implies that the only thing people who believe in family values preach is hate
If the bumper stickers said "family values are hate," then I would agree with you. As it is, they say essentially what you are saying: those who use "family values" language to justify hate are misusing the phrase. Hate is NOT an example of a "family value," even if most politicians who talk about "family values" seem to think it is.
18 - gypsyman
Boy I'd almost forgotten I'd written this one. But I'd like to thank Dave and Dodger for having a real discussion on the subject, instead of just..well you know what these things can degenerate into.
Of course Dave is right about what a good family is, and maybe that's the answer, promote that, instead of getting into yelling matches. Write about it, talk about it, show that it exists and is more powerful than the hate mongers, and it will become the example people follow.
19 - Silas Kain
I believe that the disintegration of “family values” in Western society has had a direct impact on the quality of our lives. We’ve come to measure that quality by the quantity of what we acquire: money, possessions, and power. The richness of large families and the joys associated therein are lost to most families in the Western World today. As society changes, however, family dynamics change. The fact that rightists refuse to embrace the concept of alternative families has led to division, hate crimes and intolerance. Alternative families have a place at the table of “traditional family values.” I think it’s important to promote the concept of family in gay society. Monogamy, the raising and nurturing of children and returning something to society should be encouraged, applauded and recognized.
If we in the gay culture were given more opportunity to freely live our lives without the constant fear of outing, etc. we would go a long way. In my case, I have seized the opportunity to freely live my life. For those who are not comfortable with the same, that is their problem, not mine. My life revolves around my partner, children, siblings and extended family. And, as an added bonus, those other alternative families are a part of my life in a totally familial sense. I don’t need the stereotypical gay life that includes a multitude of sexual liaisons and a flamboyant lifestyle. I believe the majority of gays today also reject that stereotype.
Back to the central topic, that being “traditional family values”. We’ve evolved into a society of double income households and latch key kids. Consumerism has replaced family life. If we want to get back to some semblance of family focus, sacrifices have to be made. I guess the next question would be how many of us in the Western World are ready to pull back and make those sacrifices. Since FDR, the importance of family diminishes every generation. Grandchildren no longer have grandparents living in the household. Mothers aren’t given the opportunity to be mothers. Fathers and husbands feel compelled to work 1, 2 or 3 jobs just to insure that his family has all the ‘things’ it needs to survive in this world. Imagine, for a moment, that a cataclysm hit the western half of America in the proportions of the earthquake in Pakistan. Who has a better shot of surviving? The indigenous people of Pakistan who are used to having very little? -or- the Americans who are accustomed to plumbing, medical care, electricity and shopping malls? I’d give the advantage to Pakistan.
20 - Dave Nalle
I think there's a definite and direct connection between the decline in family values and the decline in personal responsibility and the decline in respecting the privacy of others. Those three basic values go together and seem to have been forgotten, muddied and misrepresented together.
dave
21 - Baronius
I tried to remember the last time I heard the phrase "traditional family values", and for the life of me I couldn't. So I decided to test your assumption. I did a search on RNC's website, which has a good number of campaign and convention speeches, and found two uses of "family values", one of those in quotes. No references to traditional family values. I ran a few more searches; here's a summary:
RNC - 1 fv, 1 "fv", 0 tfv
Parents' Television Council - 10 fv, 3 "fv", 0 tfv
Townhall.com - 11 tfv (5 of those from Armstrong Williams)
Pat Buchanan columns - 3 fv, 0 tfv
Family Research Council - couldn't tell: the phrase "tfv" appears in their mission statement
Focus on the Family - less than 20 tfv (this was difficult to judge because of their links to FRC)
I think those six searches are a good representation of social conservatism. Most of those sites go back at least five years. So where's the groundswell? Just for kicks, I checked The Nation (235 fv, 8 tfv) and Slate (174 fv, 6 tfv). This lines up with a basic rule of politics: people don't differentiate between their opponents and their own parodies of their opponents.
22 - Dave Nalle
Interesting observation, Baronius. I'm not sure what it means, but it's certainly interesting.
Dave
23 - Baronius
Oops, did I forget to say what I meant? I do that sometimes.
Politicians and policy experts never use the term "traditional family values"; most never use the term "family values". Most conservatives use the word "abortion" to refer to abortion. Most conservatives call drug addiction "drug addiction".
It's the Left, the tortured world of choice and diversity, that speaks in code. They've become so accustomed to ambiguity that they don't listen to what people are saying. They just make assumptions. They hear a Republican complain about immigration, and assume that it's code for "I hate non-whites".
This article is about a straw man, the person who disagrees with the author for all the wrong reasons and lacks the honor to say it clearly.
24 - Dave Nalle
I think that may be an even better point, Baronius. You should write those two comments up, expand them and post them as an article here on BC.
Dave
25 - gypsyman
Yeah that would be a good article. It's amazing how many politicians use straw men, or what the British call an Aunt Sally issue, to divert the public from the real issues at hand. Left, Right, Centre, Backwards, Forwards, and Sideways they all do it beacause it allows them to say nothing while giveing the appearance of saying something. Usually it allows them to attack people.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I think the term comes from the idea of a straw target used in archery, so you set up targets and knock them down making your opponant look bad, when there was nothing there in the first place to shoot at.
gyspyman