I didn’t need to see House of Wax (2005) this weekend in order to see Elisha Cuthbert. I got to see her in person this past February at a comic book convention called WonderCon. In it, you’ll find your stereotypical nerd with glasses the size of car windshields, and if you look hard enough you’ll find one of those nerds holding hands with a girl so gorgeous you’d think that pigs do fly.
I’m so cheap that I volunteered for the event so I wouldn’t have to pay the $15 admission fee. All I had to do was help pass out raffle tickets to attendees wanting to win an exclusive autograph session with the celebrities that attend the convention to promote their summer flicks. Joss Whedon, creator of the series Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Julian McMahon, star of Nip/Tuck, and Christian Bale were among the notable celebrities. Christian Bale’s freakin’ Batman!
The raffle tickets had special stamps on them to show the winning tickets. The attendees would pick randomly from a bucket that I held high enough so that they couldn’t just pick the winning ones. I held the Christian Bale bucket. I really wanted to meet the Dark Knight, so I peeked inside the bucket and secretly plucked out a winning ticket and put it in my pocket. (Give me a pound my dawg.)
Needless to say, my boss ended up commending me on my good work holding the bucket that she gave me a Christian Bale ticket. I guess my Mission Impossible skills were not needed after all. So I had two tickets to see Christian Bale and needed only one. When that happens, the only thing to do is scalp.
With enthusiasm and a little skin, I shouted: “Free ticket to see the hot Christian Bale!” After about a minute fending off several men, I noticed a pretty girl motioning to me, and I agreed to trade my Christian Bale ticket for her Elisha Cuthbert ticket. “Elisha Cuthbert?” I asked. “How could I have missed her name?” Maybe it was from the nonstop drooling and sweat-induced day-dreaming of Christian Bale in that tight leather outfit, I mean of Catwoman (Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman, not Halle Berry’s).