In an attempt to not write sports and celebrate Hanukkah — neither of which ever happens all too frequently in this guy's world — we present you the seventh of an eight-part series, "The Magical Hanukkahtime Section Variety Hour." On the seventh sundown, it's the gift of: Blogcritics Culture!
Is it legal? Moreover, is it religiously acceptable?
I know this whole tour des sections revolves around the Jewish holy holiday, for reasons unknown to everyone including the author. It may seal my afterlife fate, but we'll find out if they point to this article when I meet my maker — or, more accurately, Bob Diamond.
Still, it's just about time to discuss this guy's ultimate beef with holiday gift-giving. (Mmm... ultimate beef...)
It has nothing to do with the commercialization of Christmas or even the exchange of tube socks. But it's simply that we're still attempting to keep each other's gifts a total secret, because we're all apparently still 12 years old.
The element of surprise is so top-priority that just about every retail commercial begins with, "Can't find the perfect gift?" Of course not, chief, because we haven't asked yet. And no, I don't think the perfect gift for my grandmother will be a John Deere anything.
Like with my parents, I had no idea what to get them. So I call my mother: "What does Dad want for Christmas?" And then I get an answer. Awesome. Then I move on: "Okay, what do you want for Christmas?" Pow, shopping done.
Spirit of giving? Almost. Christmas is about the spirit of giving people what they want. Were it not, they'd call it The Day Where You Thought Your Family Loved You, But Clearly Not, After Getting That Horrible Looking Coat.
Article comments
1 - SHARK
Dave Barry called; he wants his limp, white-bread humor shtick back.
2 - Elvira Black
Matt said:
"Spirit of giving? Almost. Christmas is about the spirit of giving people what they want. Were it not, they'd call it The Day Where You Thought Your Family Loved You, But Clearly Not, After Getting That Horrible Looking Coat."
I hear you on that one, Matt. How many "what were they thinking" moments must one endure during the holiday season?
Sometimes I get something I actually like and will use, but it's a real crapshoot. Ill fitting sweaters, ugly jewelry, and assorted useless chotchkas that one may or may not feel too guilty to just shitcan. And then there's always regifting. I know there was one fruitcake that was circulating amongst my ex-boyfriends' family members for decades.
On the other hand, cash is perfect: always the right color, and one size fits all. But you can't exactly hand your mom a wad of Benjamins.
I just give fancy food baskets now and I'm done with it.
I was watching the Home Shopping Network the other day for a few minutes, and they were hawking a 10 piece corkscrew set. I can only imagine the millions that are made every year by companies that specialize in manufacturing gifts that no one in their right mind would ever use, but that at least alleviate the guilt of coming up empty handed.
Maybe one outside party could be the family Santa--you tell him what you want and he passes the word on, so this way at least there's a go between.
Happy holidays!
3 - alessandro nicolo
I'm not mature enough to hide my displeasure when I get a crappy gift. What the f am I going to do with a panoramic picture frame?