My oldest daughter just moved away a few months ago to the other side of the world. I will see her in July sometime, but I am a mother and I want to hold my child right this minute.
When they were very young and took all of my time and energy, I humorously lamented that I couldn't wait for my kids to get jobs and get out.
Then they started school.
One little taste of that bitter dish was enough to humble me into never kidding around again. Then they started jobs, began traveling, and went to college. More bitter tastes.
But in between, there were millions of sweet moments.
Savoring the moments was serious business and as it turned out, an awful lot of fun.
To this day, I contend the older two were two and three-years-old for ten years.
I still don't miss waking up at 5 am to messes made by two toddlers who seemed to make it their goal in life to operate on as little sleep as possible.
I do miss the way they smelled (most times) and the soft squeaky lilt of their voices when they weren't at each other's throats or whining that bedtime had come yet again.
We marry spouses (generally and preferably) when they are grown people. We aren't faced with and we don't measure who they are today against the memories of having them in our arms as a tiny person, seeing them walk for the first time, going off to kindergarten, or learning to drive.
Be it to divorce or death, we lose our spouses but once.
We lose our children over and over, such that by the time they're really grown, it's not that we don't want to let go of them, it's that we're weary from the many times we've already let them go.
Article comments
1 - Justene
My parents were divorced. My mother's obituary talked about how my mother was a single parent. My father noted that he was a single parent when the kids hit 30 and it was a hell of a lot harder.
2 - Bliffle
Is that all you've got to complain about in your family?
3 - Kris
Beautiful!
4 - diana hartman
thank you Kris!
5 - mistacl
Thank you--as an adult woman without children (who lives away from her parents), your piece reminds me of my mother. I found it touching and it reminded me of things that I tend to overlook when dealing with her.
6 - robin
I write this from my home office. It's painted Navy blue and has glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. It used to be child #2's room.
She came back last week, heartsick and devestated. She had broken up with her boyfriend--or rather, his family-with which she has been living for about 2 years. She left because she couldnt stand the dysfunction. She left because she found herself being swallowed whole by the alcoholic environment.
She said her worst fear was that she would find she is a better, healthier person away from them.
She's come a long way from the tyke who used to show her panties to the neighborhood boys or get stuck in a tree. Im pretty certain she's no longer eating cat turds from the litterbox thinking they are tootsie rolls.
She moved back "home" to her other family the next day, but stronger.
Yesterday, in this same room, I spoke via phone to child #1 who was waiting in Anchorage, AK for a plane to bring her back to Ohio. We lost the cell signal and it was just as devestating as the day she told me she would not be moving to Canada with me.
Today I will dress child #3 in his soccer uniform so he can join other 5 year olds on one of the best of life's training grounds--the soccer field. Much too soon, he will be off doing some grown up thing as well, and I will be alone.
As much as I look forward to that, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will have days when I ache for one of them to be in my arms.
That's why I go visit my parents. I can't say I really like them all that much. But I do know that for all the aggrivation Ive caused them (well into my adult life) they still want to hug me.
Maybe I still want to hug them too.
7 - Kathy Smith
Somehow, we ended up with adult children spread out all over the place. We are happy they went in search of their dreams. We are happy they are doing well - but we miss them.
We have no grandchildren. Our adult kids are wondering about moving back to their hometown when it comes time to "settle down." It's difficult for them to think about raising their own kids without an extended family. It makes me sad to think I might not get a chance to develop a relationship with our future grandchildren.