Being the Pop Culture guru that I am, I actually know who The Wiggles are. I don't have any kids and I am not 5 years old so it really stands to reason that I shouldn't know who they are. I am here to tell you they are the most dangerous thing to come out of Australia since the Gibb brothers founded the Bee Gees. More dangerous than Crocodile Dundee in New York. They are the nuclear bomb in the culture wars that rage silently around the world.
These four guys are threatening to create an entire generation of cheesy kids who will be receptive to all the horrible entertainment that comes out of Australia henceforth. The Wiggles are planting that seed in our children today.
With album titles like "Whoo hoo! Wiggly Gremlins!" and "Hoop-Dee-Doo It's a Wiggly!" they are planning to pave the way for other forms of Australian "entertainment" to come rushing over our borders, not to mention our airwaves. But, this isn't the first time that Australia has unleashed a scourge on our culture and I am quite positive it won't be the last. They won't rest until they take over altogether.
How else can you explain the aforementioned Bee Gees, Paul "Crocodile Dundee" Hogan, or Silverchair, Nicole Kidman (who incidentally doesn't show her accent all that much all in order to trick us into liking her,) Russell Crowe, AC/DC, Luc Longley, Mel Gibson, INXS, Midnight Oil, Frente, and that evil jezebel Natalie Imbruglia. They can't be explained as anything but attempts to take over the world.
And now with The Wiggles invading our kids' hearts and minds, there might not be a way to stop these Australians in the future. It has already gotten so bad that I received a dirty look yesterday when I suggested to an American parent who was talking about the Wiggles, that "Michael Jackson was an original member but they kicked him out for obvious reasons." Can you believe it has gotten so out of control that pedophilia jokes aren't funny? Kiddy diddling? (I think I know funny, people. And that, my friends, is funny.)
Article comments
1 - Cap'n Ken
Good one.
OK, a couple of things.
a) If you want good kids music, try the Imagination Movers (imaginationmovers.com). From New Orleans, they won't drive parents to kill their kids for making them play their music in the SUV.
b) Not everything from Australia is evil (although most things are). In music, there's the Finn brothers - Split Enz, Crowded House - as well as the fabulous Anne McCue (annemccue.com). Movies? Um, the original Road Warrior was pretty cool, I guess. Food? We have a place in our neighborhood called The Australian Bakery Cafe. Can't say I've ever eaten there, as I can't think of anything good to say about Australian food.
If you're gonna embrace a white-man island nation down south, I hear New Zealand is much cooler. Of course, they have that Lord of the Rings thing working against them ...
2 - boomcrashbaby
My two year old loved the Wiggles during the season where they lived in a house, in a city with all the names like Cold Street, Sneezing Street, etc.
Then the Wiggles performed at Madison Square Gardens and immediately sold out 10 shows in a row.
So big business took over aned the Wiggles got a major overhaul, taking them out of wiggleworld and putting them in wiggle tv studio (where Captain Feathersword is the weatherman)..
Now my baby won't watch them.
3 - BRICKLAYER
Hey Dude, Isn't the lead singer from Brutal Truth an Aussie? Lil' Brick thinks these guys are okay, but he much prefers Thomas the Tank Engine. And so do I. George Carlin narrating your child's tv program is the bomb! It's fun to imagine what dirty words he would insert where and when in the dialogue. Hey. Come to think of it, Foster's Lager was responsible for at least one night on a cold steel cot for yours truly. Curse you, Prison Island!
4 - bhw
My kids won't watch anything that's too shiny and happy. They both have a decent sense of dark sarcasm. Hence, no Wiggles or Barney in this house.
At least I've done one thing right as a parent.
5 - Craig Lyndall
The whole reason I did this post is because someone got very defensive when I made fun of them. I don't have kids and I don't plan on having any for a little bit, but watching some formerly self-respecting adult get ticked off at me for making fun of the effing wiggles was about all I could stand.
6 - Joe
On the Wiggles, four words: Fruit salad, yummy, yummy.
7 - Tangerine Joe
The Wiggles are the Air Supply of kids music. Wasn't Air Supply from Australia too? Damn shame that all kids entertainment is coming from overseas - Wiggles/Australia, Teletubbies/UK - Caliou/Canada - Disney/Hell.
What happened to good ole Captain Kangaroo & Mr. Rogers? BTW Cap'n Ken, I checked the Movers site. Good one and they look like heterosexuals. I might have to invest. My kids also like Trout Fishing & They Might Be Giants too.
8 - Downunder (On top) Tom
um someone above called it the white-man land.... australia is probably more culturally diverse than the USA, but instead of having a lot of afro-americans, we hav asians.....and by the way im not white....
....i think uve all got the wrong impression of aus..if fact i bet u didn't know taht we are acutally the land on top, and u's in the "northern" hemisphere are actually down under....