Given that it’s the holiday season, I originally thought it would be nice to spread some positive vibes and title this article “The Top Ten Most Important People of 2008,” but that would have been boring, right?
This year’s douche bag list doesn’t discriminate between black, white, democrat, or republican. Here is the list you have been waiting all year to read.
10. OPRAH WINFREY
This year, Oprah has the distinction of being the most annoying white woman on the planet. In February, Oprah’s latest publicity stunt included posing with kids at her new “school” in Africa for a television special.
Oprah and her mindless, middle-aged housewife cult thought Oprah would surely become the new messiah she promotes herself as. Unfortunately, Oprah’s publicity stunt backfired on her as it was revealed that her school had become a haven for child abuse.
Oprah indicated that she had nothing to do with the abuse. She should have just admitted that after all the photo ops, the school wasn’t important anymore.
9. LARRY CRAIG
Beloved Senator Larry Craig from Idaho (get it: I da ho) has always been a staunch opponent of gay rights. It’s sort of ironic that Mr. Craig was caught playing Dorothy Footsie in a bathroom stall on June 11, 2007.
Apparently, he was trying to get an undercover police officer to get “Into the Groove” but the officer said, “Don’t Rain on My Parade.” Since the arrest, several gay men have come forward to give detailed descriptions of their sexual escapades with Larry Craig. Perhaps we should all buy Mr. Craig a pink elephant for Christmas.
8. BILL O’REILLY
Apparently, Mr. O’Reilly wasn’t content with referring to Mexicans as “wetbacks” a few years back. Everybody’s favorite right wing extremist told the world how surprised he was when going to a soul food restaurant in Harlem called Sylvia’s.
“You know, I mean, everybody was — it was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun. And there wasn't any kind of craziness at all.”
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - klondikekitty
'Way to go, Daryl!! Excellent choices, and without a doubt, to have our current President at the top of the list is a true foray into the real world, as opposed to the world of illusion Bush seems so determined to create!!!
Bravo, my friend, bravo!!
2 - daryl d
Thanks, klondikekitty! I really wanted to come up with a festive "Top 10 Achievers" of 2008 list but it was just too boring.
3 - Andrew Ogier
You missed Jack Thompson. That douchebag is wasting taxpayer's money on nuisance lawsuits, and generally pissing off anyone who picks up a videogame controller in the process.
4 - Mankdog
Good job Daryl.Though I am a staunch Republican, I think the list is perfect in that it makes fun of everyone equally. I couldn't agree more with your choices of Sharpton, Nifong and Hillary (being a Texan, illegal immigration is a daily issue) , though I think any one of them would make a better #1 (like I said, I am a Republican). Keep up the good work.
5 - George Sharpton Clinton O'Reilly
Excellent!!!
I totally agree with Clinton on the list, but for different reasons. Illegals should not get liscenses obviously, but when have you ever heard an immigrant, illegal or otherwise, shout an anti-american slogan? They want to be here for the same reasons we do, not that its ok for them to be here illegally, they still should be deported. But what do they have to do with Al-Qaida? I love the humor you got here, but don't go to places like that please, it makes you sound as ignorant as Al Sharpton and obviously your not.
LOVE the list, perfect! Except for #1 it must have been extremely difficult what order to place the others due to the extreme level of douche-baggedness!
6 - A.L. Harper
Let me get this straight, you are calling Bill O’Reilly a racist after referring to Oprah as a white woman, just because she doesn't fit into your little-boy-from-a-sheltered-life idea of what a black woman should be? Fair enough, he is a racist, but at least he is honest about it. You're are just like him, misogynistic, egocentric and dogmatic. Your opinions seem to share all the same anti-intellectual, knee-jerk reaction, half-baked theory qualities of O'Reilly, but with none of the passion, ridiculous over the top colour or even the partly thought through moralities.
You Daryl, are a modern day Frank Burns. A narrow-minded, arrogant mental-pygmy, with all the colour and humour of a two broken legs on a motorbike trip.
7 - Ruvy in Jerusalem
While I thought you had a great list, Daryl, you were unfairly insulting douche-bags....
I know a couple, and they are thinking of suing. They want me to find them a good Jewish lawyer.
I never heard of such a thing....
8 - daryl d
Ok, Ad A.L. in at number 11 for actually taking this article too seriously.
9 - Mark Saleski
add yourself in at #12 for submitting it to digg.
embarrassing.
10 - daryl d
Add me at number 12 for spelling "ad" wrong.
11 - J. Pinela
Don't have to add yourself mr d. this was one of the funniest articles I have read this year. you have a cruel sense of humor
12 - Dr Dreadful
Kudos to #5 for just about the best online screen name ever.
13 - Just Speaking My Mind
I agree with your choices of Larry Craig, Al Sharpton and Michael Nifong. They definitely meet or exceed the definition of a db. I think that you could have come up with seven better candidates than the others listed. Al Gore could easily be in the Top 2 for his hopeless rant on global warming and his willingness to continue to do the things of which he portends impending doom for the planet.
14 - A.L. Harper
Oh no Daryl, I had been taking your article or you seriously I would really have ripped into you. I was being nice...
15 - Matthew T. Sussman
Perhaps we can retire calling everyone and their mother a douche bag after 2007. Even icanhascheezburger thinks it's overdone.
16 - H. O'Malley
Dary, Daryl, Daryl. As a writer you should know not to take things too personally.
[edited]
17 - szette
Hilarious article and hilarious comments. [edited]
18 - rojas
I love when people talk smack about an article like this. You got people to react and that is a powerful thing my friend.
Kudos to you because this article was hilarious. Bill O'Reilley should have been #1. Yeah, even after W. and that's saying something.
19 - Mark Saleski
ah, the power of ip spoofing software. excellent.
20 - szette
[edited] I love how she insults your writing capabilities but in her biography says she's a freelance writer for hire. Yup, no comment there.
21 - daryl d
I guess I have to add Mark Seleski into the list of Springsteen fanatics who try to insult me at every turn (I thought that war was long over with).
I had no need to submit myself to dig because the positive response I've received from this article is proof enough that it is good. But the powers that be at Blogcritics do everything they can to make sure that my articles aren't promoted anymore.
22 - El Bicho
Your immature comments make as much sense as your typing and just continue to prove your detractors right regardless of how many of your "fans" show up.
by the way, Dennis Miller in show business over 20 years compared to you who couldn't hack writing for free and working in Real Estate in LA, so he left for NJ. Who is the real failure?
23 - Mark Saleski
it's no war daryl. but i do love watching you string this list of ignorance out for the general public.
you call yourself a freelance writer, and show absolutely no fear in creating a public record of your behavior. i'm sure future clients will be interested.
keep digging, meanwhile, my packet sniffer is hard at work...
24 - daryl d
No need to worry about future clients, Seleski. I have a great job thanks to one of our readers here. But I appreciate your concern.
25 - Mark Saleski
anything you say mr. rafelson