* The American population is aging — 49 million Baby Boomers will soon be needing Depends, Viagra, and Health Insurance — and yet the cultural landscape is designed for an audience of 14 year olds who make $100,000 a year. What's this about, anyway?
* My first clue that something was wrong with The Voice of Authority: when I was a kid — as with most young boys — I loved Dinosaurs. Then one day in my Southern Baptist sunday school class, Genesis was explained. The world was made in seven days!? And not one mention of dinosaurs!? Fuck that. They're lying to me! They're makin' this shit up! (I began skipping classes and spending my "tithe" money on pinball and cigarettes.)
* (Theme & Variations) ...Later, I found out that EVERY SINGLE BAPTIST "YOUTH MINISTER" was actually a pederast. There were no exceptions. I don't know if this still holds true today, but it was true back in the 1960s. (They were the Baptist version of Catholic "Priests")
* Blogcritic's own esteemed, incredibly handsome patriotic American Libertarian Senatorial Candidate Al Barger looks exactly like Iraq's Shiite leader Muqtada al-Sadr.
Do you think this shows that: (pick one)
1) God has a sense of Irony.
2) This is evidence for Intelligent Design.
3) This is evidence against Intelligent Design.
* Florida averages FOUR hurricanes per year; Lots of people move TO Florida, but has there ever been an instance where someone MOVED AWAY from Florida?
If not, why not?
* (Theme & Variations) Some studies suggest that people in warmer climates have less intelligence. Do you think this is true, and if you offer an opinion, please let us know where you live — 'cause most southern yahoos are fucking idiots.
* If lesbians are sexually attracted to women, why do so many of them end up with significant others who resemble men?
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Bennett
Heh! Where's the Cindy Bits?
JB eat your heart out. THIS is googlebombing!
Thanks for the grins.
2 - Mark Sahm
Your eyes shine with the greed of a misplaced tea strainer, Shark. Thanks for the laughs.
Although I consider the AB photos mildly responsible for my morning indigestion.
3 - Dave Nalle
Having seen pictures of Al Barger and Muqtad al Sadr side by side now, I only want to know what level their highest level D&D characters reached.
Oh, and your list of forbidden phrases and words is incomplete - you left off 'chickenhawk'.
You also forgot to mention the importance of Amazon links - remember if the link is Coulter or Frankin the poster is an ideological bonehad of some sort.
Dave
4 - Temple Stark
yawn
5 - Shark
Temple, sorry, but "yawn" has been added to the list of banned words.
"zzzzzzzzzz..." is okay, though -- especially with the html "blink" code!
6 - Temple Stark
As expected. Navel gazing trype here. No effort - guaranteed.
7 - LegendaryMonkey
"As expected," sayeth Temple.
Then why read it? Did you hope to be pleasantly surprised? Or was it that you looked forward to taking the five seconds to type "yawn" to demonstrate your terrible ennui?
Respectfully,
One Tired Monkey
8 - JR
Re: Al Barger/Al Sadr
Convergent evolution - similar ecological niches lead to similar morphology.
9 - Eric Berlin
Shark... you just blew my mind, man.
Seriously, nice job skewering and a-slicing away at the status quo as only the Shark can do!
10 - Shark
JR, now THAT'S what I'm talkin' bout!
A comment that makes ME laugh!
Thanks, Amigo.
11 - Temple Stark
Well when Shark does a post its usually worth something. This isn't. It's just nothing worthwile reading and I stopped about a third of the way in.
Yawn = expressing an opinion. As in boring and unoriginal.
You are free to express, as you did (with apparently less of a reason to do so).
12 - Shark
Stark, yer kinda surly today. Is it one of those "sunday things"? An old inherent sense that ya gotta get up and go to school tomorrow?
Too much pressure from the Blogcritics editing job?
Well... I appreciate the back-handed compliment, and all I can say is:
I'll start writing better when BC starts paying better.
feh! <---(not prohibited yet)
[Shark exiting stage right in tears]
13 - Silas Kain
I really wish people would stop calling my political opponents chickenhawks. That's a term usually reserved for older gay guys who like younger ones. On second thought, maybe that label is appropriate. These chickenhawks seem to have a penchant for young men in uniform.
Sleep tight, America.
14 - RogerMDillion
"It's just nothing worthwile reading"
Do you mean worthwhile like the new release of a new Paul McCartney record that will quickly end up in the bargain bin or worthwhile like Sean Combs going by yet another name?
15 - Matthew T. Sussman
I liked the first asterisk. After that it spiraled downward and made a Wiley E. Coyote type ring of dust that sailed upward.
Back in the days of college opinion columnry, anytime we saw something written like this that was purposefuly scattered, we knew it was a case of "I feel I should write something but I have nothing but these random thoughts in my head." At this point we thrust ourselves into our chairbacks laughting -- at, not with -- then got up and with a straight face made them write something with substance.
16 - Silas Kain
Personally, Shark, I loved this bit o' satire. Kind of like George Carlin meets Will Rogers after smoking weed with Henry Gibson.
17 - nugget
gag.
I think too many episodes of MAD TV are wearing on Shark's originality and jag off internet syntax sessions. You are a structurel and phrasing language slut. your sense of humor is collectively tired, provocative, boring, but impossible not to read because of your arrogance.
You know how you used to watch Bob Faggot a few years back even though you hated his schtick? I feel that way now but only worse, because your platform is on a bloggers' website and your keyboard sticky notes are your cue cards....and not to mention that one of your "nail in the coffin" flamebits includes reporting typographical errors such as a comma splice. I'm sure if you respond to this post it will be saturated with cutesy nicknames for my handle and IRONICAL numerical lists displaying your skills with an alliteration or garish "i'm better than you" remark. carry on.
18 - DrPat
Re: Al DiMeola -- ABSOLUTELY!
Re: the rest: WHA? <-- not prohibited yet.
Although I liked the bit about Spanish olives, makes me hungry. Come to think of it, I have leftover spaghetti sauce made with slices of jalapeño-stuffed Spanish olives and black olives, ground venison and red peppers, sitting in the fridge.
I'll be back later...
19 - nugget
Matthew t. Sussman said,
"I feel I should write something but I have nothing but these random thoughts in my head." At this point we thrust ourselves into our chairbacks laughting -- at, not with -- then got up and with a straight face made them write something with substance."
nicely put.
20 - Silas Kain
Who is Bob Faggot?
Oh, God, Dr Pat, ground venison. I am envious. I'll bet the addition of the jalapeño-stuffed Spanish olives gives it a real kick. Mangia!!!!!
21 - Eric Berlin
My opinion is that this piece is a fun and at times incisive meta-commentary on the world and the world of Blogcritics.org.
There's far far worse stuff to read round these parts every day by far far more boring / less talented / less passionate / less interesting writers.
It's by virtue of Shark's considerable talents and stature -- and, let's face it, ability to drum up a nice cauldron of controversy every now and again -- that he creates a certain amount of backlash.
<<<<<>>>>>
Does anyone really think the backlash is going to bother Shark one bit?
22 - nugget
EB-- backlash? I wouldn't give shark that much credit. I would give MSS all the backlash credit on BC.org.
Also, shark's humor is your typical sub-counter-culture I hate corporate america everything's ironic bush sucks i love rocknroll etc.....type of humor.
I'd say he is a much less witty version of Bill Maher. If it satisfies to be a local BC hero with a few groupies then I guess that's good enough to stroke his ego.
23 - Silas Kain
And don't you think this place would be boring without a Shark byte, Eric?
24 - Eric Berlin
Yes exactly -- Blogcritics thrives on personalities who have something to say and Shark is both.
Should every one of his posts be framed and put in a bullet-proof glass case? Probably not -- but I can't help thinking that some of the backlash is born of jealousy or other "issues."
25 - Matthew T. Sussman
There's far far worse stuff to read round these parts every day by far far more boring / less talented / less passionate / less interesting writers.
Sounds like an admission that, given the talent/passion of the writer, by the same token it could have been much better.
But there is truth to this. Homestarrunner.com will sometimes lay a bad egg. Dave Barry once in a while goes 800 words to nowhere. There have even been pointless episodes of "The Simpsons."
Plus, if Shark makes a living out of being an attention whore, don't be surprised or sympathetic when he falters and becomes the dead fish bait that gets gobbled up by carnivorous fish.