3.Weird Old Person - Not quite sure where you inferred there was a need for strange, fat or bald old people on a teenage-oriented personals website, but we do appreciate the respectability (by that we mean creepiness) that your presence brings.
2. Misleading Icon - While we admire the fact that you can, to some extent, acknowledge your physical shortcomings, it is nevertheless unethical to post misleading or Photoshopped pictures of yourself. Trust us, honesty is liberating, so stop zooming in to crop out your losing battle with obesity or going wide-angle to blur the acne.
1. Crappy Band - As monumental as your upcoming show at Eric’s Coffee House/H.S Talent Show/ Church Parking Lot is, on behalf of America we're informing you that not only do you suck, but no one likes you. No one cares when your new EP drops, that you’ve posted a new live track or that New Found Glory added you to their friends list.
And those are the Top 10 Worst MySpace Personalities. Please comment if you've if you feel I may have missed some. I don't have the time, nor the strength to avoid suicide that is required to browse through the site to find examples, but please post links if you find them. Also, if you'd like to post this on your MySpace profile, please feel free to do so, and hopefully some of these folks will see the error in their ways. If you post this, please link to give me credit.
You can view more of my writing on my website at: Ryan Clark Holiday and other similar Top Tens.
Note: This was originally composed, with Brett Loper, for the Granite Bay Gazette, though I recently updated the list.
Article comments
1 - Jenifer Gonzales
I think I fall into the "hater/user" category. I snubbed it for a long time, but then I got curious because I kept seeing all these people I knew. So I caved and created a page. I mainly use it to drive traffic to my own blog, but occasionally, I'll catch up with old friends, or leave a comment here and there.
But I definitely agree with most of your categories -- very funny, and so true!
2 - Joseph Johaneman
Hah, this is hilarious. As a Myspace junkie, I can tell you that this is 100% true. Though I didn't know that Rupert Murdoch owned it now. That's scary. Somehow, I should have felt the evil vibes, the dark side of the media force, but I didn't. Must be losing my edge in my old age.
3 - ryan
Yeah, News Corp now owns Myspace.
4 - ryan
Does anyone have funny profiles they've come across?
5 - Soupy
Yo don't diss those crappy emo bands in your countdown. Just because they suck usuallyhat The Matches aren't awesome. Also Bush is a butthole digger.
6 - Scott
This from the front page of myspace...
"Take Jimmy Eat World and stir in a little James Taylor, add a little Get Up Kids and top with a pinch of Phil Collins and out comes Brighten."
It sounds like they might just be the worst band in the history of the world.
7 - Andy Marsh
I must be one of those wierd old people you're talking about...I missed the spot on myspace where it lists age limitations...or even recommendations...just remember all you wierd young people...you wouldn't even have a computer if it wasn't for those wierd old people raising you.
8 - ryan
haha. I figured emo kids covered emo bands.
9 - Beth
HA HA HA
10 - no one
I hate it when i see young emo kids in myspace with hair covering one eye, they probably think its high fashion or something. AND THOSE WHORES!!!! future skanks!!!! especially those 12 years old sluts in training.
11 - morgansababe
yeah yeah all is true here i think youve got pretty much everything covered :)