10. Tom- LEAVE EVERYONE ALONE! You just sold MySpace for a measly half-billion dollars; I think it’s time to get a life.
9. Annoying Business Proprietor - Believe us, your T-shirt company has everyone impressed (I'm sure the orders for Baby Tees are just pouring in) but it would be nice if you stopped posting your ads in every single profile. Too, this applies to all you out-of-work models, pay-to-print authors, and graphic artists.
8. Hater/User- Though it makes you feel better to bash MySpace in front of your friends, it's hard to reconcile that with the fact that you use it all the time. Oh yeah, no one believes that someone else made the account for you.
7. Self-Righteous Emo Kid - So wearing tight pants, eye make-up and listening to bands that have hypocritically become popular by not being "mainstream" gives you the position of judging everyone else? Regardless of your membership to the MySpace Democrats, you’re not exactly anti-establishment when you frequent Rupert Murdoch’s latest acquisition.
6. Young Whore- Despite the fact that precedent seems to dictate all girls must post provocative, degrading pictures of themselves, anyone under 15 years old is crossing the disgusting line. Focus on getting your learner’s permit and growing out of your “awkward phase” before you commit full-time to being the next statutory rape victim.
5. No Shirt Guy - We know you think that your bare chest is the ticket to the female promised land, but you're wrong for two reasons: 1) You're really not attractive 2) Girls hear the "I'm an idiot" that your picture screams so very, very loudly.
4. Explicit User Name - We understand the disappointment in realizing that your picture has failed to entice anyone to visit your profile, however, that does not justify using profane terms to get attention. The words “Sex,” “Horny” or “Fuck,” do little to compensate for your cripplingly boring personality and repulsive ugliness.
Article comments
1 - Jenifer Gonzales
I think I fall into the "hater/user" category. I snubbed it for a long time, but then I got curious because I kept seeing all these people I knew. So I caved and created a page. I mainly use it to drive traffic to my own blog, but occasionally, I'll catch up with old friends, or leave a comment here and there.
But I definitely agree with most of your categories -- very funny, and so true!
2 - Joseph Johaneman
Hah, this is hilarious. As a Myspace junkie, I can tell you that this is 100% true. Though I didn't know that Rupert Murdoch owned it now. That's scary. Somehow, I should have felt the evil vibes, the dark side of the media force, but I didn't. Must be losing my edge in my old age.
3 - ryan
Yeah, News Corp now owns Myspace.
4 - ryan
Does anyone have funny profiles they've come across?
5 - Soupy
Yo don't diss those crappy emo bands in your countdown. Just because they suck usuallyhat The Matches aren't awesome. Also Bush is a butthole digger.
6 - Scott
This from the front page of myspace...
"Take Jimmy Eat World and stir in a little James Taylor, add a little Get Up Kids and top with a pinch of Phil Collins and out comes Brighten."
It sounds like they might just be the worst band in the history of the world.
7 - Andy Marsh
I must be one of those wierd old people you're talking about...I missed the spot on myspace where it lists age limitations...or even recommendations...just remember all you wierd young people...you wouldn't even have a computer if it wasn't for those wierd old people raising you.
8 - ryan
haha. I figured emo kids covered emo bands.
9 - Beth
HA HA HA
10 - no one
I hate it when i see young emo kids in myspace with hair covering one eye, they probably think its high fashion or something. AND THOSE WHORES!!!! future skanks!!!! especially those 12 years old sluts in training.
11 - morgansababe
yeah yeah all is true here i think youve got pretty much everything covered :)