If you've viewed my profile picture or any other picture taken of me since 1991, you've seen a goatee. Sometimes long like a biker, sometimes trimmed to within a shadow of existence, but a goatee nonetheless. Sure, for a few rare periods it had been surrounded by a full beard. The goatee, however, has been a constant companion for close to two decades. Or had been. I shaved that goat this past Halloween.
I don't expect many of you actually care about my facial hair configuration. Yet I'm inspired on this weekend – the very day that The Men Who Stare At Goats opens – to reflect for a bit on just what the goatee has come to signify in American male culture. And why I encourage each and every one of you to lose yours before it's too late.
There was a time about 20 years ago when the goatee had come back into vogue as "edgy." Dare I say, "grungy." Possibly, for a few years there, it was sexy. Can some of us still rock the goat? Most assuredly. But it had become a crutch for me and so many other men like me. That's why the clean look is the new edgy, in my own personal style universe. I realize many of you have come to rely upon my style recommendations over the years. I mean, remember Zubaz? You're welcome.
You're probably asking, what's next? Doing away with the ironic t-shirt? Or losing the baseball cap? No, no let's not throw the baby out with the proverbial bong water here.
Ponder for a moment the momentous monstrosity that is The GoateeSaver. Here you have a product marketed to seduce the goatee wearer with the false claims that "(Your goatee) reflects your personality. It declares your individuality. Your goatee is much more than just facial hair, your goatee style helps fashion your identity." So true. So ironically, dispassionately true.
Article comments
1 - Jena
Did you say you didn't expect many of us to care about your facial hair? Holy shit, brother! We care! You look decidedly handsome. And great post, by the way.
2 - Chris Beaumont
Mine will not be going anywhere for awhile....