For most parents in the US today, the reality of men and women who ruthlessly prey on little children is well understood. I pity any parent that does not have a clear understanding of this fact. More to the point, I pity the children of parents who do not yet understand.
It is a parent's worse nightmare that their child should ever be taken by one of these predators and so, to help protect against that possibility, most of us who are parents watch our children like hawks, no matter where we are; even in our own homes.
As for me, a Dad with two daughters, one four years old and the other 17 months, I watch my precious girls more intently than a Secret Service agent assigned to guard the President. And my wife is even better at it than I am. She now has our four-year-old trained so that all she has to do is put three little words into the form of a question (where are you?) and our oldest will come running and will say loudly, "here I am Mommy!"
Even more impressive is the fact that Moms everywhere seem to have formed this unofficial child safety pact that I never knew a thing about until just recently. That was the day my wife, Julie, was in a children's clothing store in our local mall and lost sight of our oldest for about ten seconds. Julie called out, "where are you?" No response.
Then, with the slightest edge of panic in her voice, she called out again; "where are you!." Immediately, every woman in the store stopped what they were doing and began looking for our daughter. Suddenly, all those Moms of various ages, races, and creeds were as unified and focused as any military force preparing to do battle.
It took only about 15 or 20 seconds before a woman from the back of the store called out that she had located our daughter. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, then went back to whatever it is they were doing just seconds before, almost as if nothing had happened.
Article comments
1 - Jonathan
Yes, Child predators are everywhere. Micheal Jackson has alot of diehard fans.
2 - Mac Diva
David, I guess you intend this entry as what we called a 'bright' when I was in the newspaper business. But, I think we need to look at the issue of child abuse in a more balanced way. Most child abusers are women. That is mainly because women do most childcare, I guess. Believing women are natural nurturers can actually make child abuse less likely to be recognized. I watched a woman verbally abuse her two young daughters on MAX (our train system) a few days ago. She didn't do anything severe enough to have the police intervene. But, if I had been wearing 'Mommies are all good people,' blinders I would not have recognized the abuse for what it was. I fear the kind of piece you've published may actually do harm to the cause.
3 - Dawn
David, you are MOSTLY right. I have witnessed and been a part of this phenomena myself out in public, but Mac is also right. Women are the primary abusers of children, but not the kind of abuse to which you speak and fear.
Strangers who are also predators and would prey on our children are the most vile and demonic sort who should be watched for with vigilance. They should also be dealt with using extreme prejudice and the harshest of punishment, as for women who abuse their own kids - well Mac I can tell you that there are times when an expert would deem me as abusive towards my four-year-old, but I also know the experts don't live with her 24 hours a day where the abuse is often one-sided and relentless and I am the one being ABUSED by the tiny tyrant.
I would take my chances with a cranky, overwhelmed mom watching over my kids than a filthy pedophile any day.
4 - David Flanagan
Thanks for all your comments. I agree that there are many types of child abuse that can occur and that men and women can both be abusers, which is why I say "men and women" in my article. As Dawn pointed out, the type of predator I am referring to in the article is one who takes children and the child is never seen again. What happens to them, we never know.
As for parental abuse, it does happen too often and, in my opinion, even something as simple as calling your child "stupid" is abusive. But, with that said, this article is not a research paper on abusive patterns of men and women, rather, its an opinion piece about a strength that women in general exhibit which contributes significantly to the health of societies all across the world.
To say that an observation of this sort may do more harm than good is a bit far-reaching. I think you are giving me more credit than I deserve with my simple observations.
Thanks.
David Flanagan
Viewpointjournal.com
5 - Mac Diva
I do tend me to skeptical when I see a group (particularly one that is historically oppressed) being applauded for being or doing something that is either stereotypical or ordinary. Lauding women as Super Nurturers sets both bells ringing. In my experience, the kind of man who does this is often a conservative who opposes equality of the genders. He is congratulating women on keeping to what he considers an appropriate role -- motherhood. But, the same fellow will turn around and spit nails in regard to women who get out of their place vis-a-vis education or professions. Most human beings have children. Most of them rear their offspring to adulthood without major problems. So, to praise half of the world's population for doing something absolutely ordinary seems strangely patronizing.
I don't know exactly what Jonathan's comment meant, but he may have been mocking the notion that stranger danger is a major threat to kids. And, statistically, he is right. The overwhelming share of child abuse, including kidnapping, is within families.
It seems to me that Right Wingers often live in a world of their own construction where reality doesn't matter. Men are du Doit type beings. Women are Super Nurturers. Stranger danger is the major peril to children. Anyone who ignores the facts about child abuse is doing just that.
6 - David Flanagan
Mac Diva:
First of all, the power of motherhood is neither stereotypical nor ordinary. I obviously did not grow up in the same world that you did, because I grew up knowing that the girls I played with on the playground in elementary school would one day be the women I worked with as an adult.
I was never taught, or "trained" that women had a certain "role" or "place" in society. As a matter of fact, about five years ago, shortly after I was recruited to a new company, I was telling my father, who had been retired about a year, about my new boss and how much I liked working on her team. My Dad waited a bit and then asked, "what is like working for a woman?" He was genuinely curious because, even though he had hired many women at his company during his career, he had NEVER worked for one.
I did not even know how to answer that question. To me, having a woman for a boss was completely normal. As a matter of fact, the best managers I've had during my career so far have all been women. But as for my Dad's question, he might as well have asked me what it's like to live under a blue sky. I just couldn't give him a good answer.
And I think that is a credit to the woman's movement, that in just one generation we have seen such a vast change in the social landscape. Is the job done? Of course not, but incredible progress has been made and my two daughters now have a world of opportunity in front of them because of it.
So, before you go and accuse me of stereotyping women, you might want to take a few moments to get to know me better. I want to point out, by the way, that you critique men for stereotyping women, yet you mercilessly stereotyped me without knowing one thing about me.
Think about it.
Thanks.
David Flanagan
Viewpointjournal.com
7 - Dawn
Personally, I have yet to have a female boss that I liked or would even consider human, let alone of the same gender and species as myself.
It may have had nothing to do with their gender, but I am pretty sure it did. That's just one female's experience.
8 - duane
This has not much to do with the post, but although I don't have a boss anymore, I have had an assortment of both male and female bosses in the past. I found that the women bosses were inflexible, humorless, and heavy-handed, whereas the men (with one exception -- a major asshole) were just the opposite. Just my experience -- I would hesitate to generalize based on a sample of about ten individuals.
9 - Mac Diva
Duane, I responded to David's post today.
10 - duane
MacD, suppose for the sake of argument that women, on average, are more nurturing than men, owing to different wiring in the brain. Suppose that the higher incidence of child abuse at the hands of women compared to men is the result of proximity, rather than temperament, as you suggest. Then, I can sympathize with your desire to receive commendation for something that you actually worked for, as opposed to something for which you have no choice.
I'll agree that the term "extraordinary" leaves little room for women that truly are extraordinary. What would you say about them --- extraextraordinary?
If, in fact, women are not more nurturing than men, then I can see how you might take David's post as an attempt to coax you into occupying your perceived pigeonhole. I'm not sure that David had that in mind, but I can see your point.
11 - David Flanagan
Mac Diva,
I read your post and I can see that you are afraid of women being forced back into the "home maker" role against their will. I find it inconceivable that in this day and age, with all the progress that we've made as a society, that such a thing would ever happen. I'm sorry that this is your desperate fear, but perhaps this is the difference between my generation and yours.
I view women as my equals who have their own gifts which contribute to society, while men have their own certain gifts. In a healthy family, both gifts are expressed in a complementary way that provides the very safest home for children, and in a healthy society, the same rule applies.
But your reaction to my pointing out what I considered a strength in women in general was to immediately degrade your own gender, citing them as "abusers." Well, if women are incapable of taking care of the children they bear alongside their husbands, as you seem to insist, what better system is there?
My wife and I work very hard to raise our two daughters. I change as many poopy diapers as she does, clean up as much thrown up formula, wash dishes, do household chores that are my responsibility, etc. I know how to put a pony tail in my four-year-old daugther's hair, and I can even do a decent braid. Do you have a better system than this? Because, if you do, I would love to hear about it.
My personal opinion on your comments is this, you are not afraid that I'm creating a situation where children are going to be abused because of some pie-in-the-sky praise regarding women's parenting skills. Rather, you are deathly afraid that I'm expressing some hidden male agenda to force all women back into some 1950's role where they had no choices but homemaker.
The irony of it is that I hate that stereotype as much as you do. The difference between us is that I grew up in a healthier environment and understand what it means to live with a women who has the same choices and the same power as I. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Thanks.
David Flanagan
Viewpointjournal.com