A few months after college I took the job I have now. It is a great job and it keeps the lights on and food on the table. There is just not a whole lot of creative expression. In fact there is no creative expression. I took the money. I sold out. I chose a life with the wife to whom I am married over the pursuit of a career in my field. Do I regret that decision? Not for a fucking minute. I did not think of it as a choice between two competing interests when I decided upon my current path. It just sort of worked out that way. I missed being in a situation where my talents and passions were engaged but if I had it to do all over again I would.
Those first few years were filled with some listless days. I had no outlet for my creative juices. The passion in me slowly diminished. I became surly- OK, surlier. I dabbled around with creating my own website. I got discouraged when I realized no one was traveling to it but me. I quit writing because I felt like I already spent enough time each day talking to myself. It was not worth the effort. I do not know if I will ever find a gig paying me to do what I love. That is no longer the most important thing to me. The internet, my web site, Blogcritics… they have given me an audience as well as the opportunity to be amused, inspired, and humbled by the talents of some other folks worldwide.
I realize this is bordering on embarrassing sentimentality but allow me a quick aside: Driving home from work the other night I was chuckling about some of the pieces I read here on BC (in this case in particular something by our own beloved The Duke). As I was pulling into my apartment's parking space I had a vision: The Duke, at age 90, sitting in the corner of some nursing home staring at nothing with an unlit cigarette dangling 'tween his fingers muttering bitterly about some cunt named Fay-hee or Fah-hee.
Keep this in mind; I have never seen The Duke. I could not pick him out of a lineup (not that The Duke has ever had cause to be in such a thing). I laughed until at least the time it took me to walk to my front door with that image- just one part of what Blogcritics has given me. I am now a part of 'The Brotherhood of the Bozo.'
Article comments
1 - Alisha Karabinus
All these boys, boys, boys... is this male bonding or a discussion? :)
Two things: I loved S. King's On Writing more than probably anything else he's done it years... it was GREAT.
And second... I too am a victim of having a hard time composing anywhere but at the computer, at my computer, where things are comfy and nice. I thought that was maybe unique to me. I feel a little better now.
2 - Eric Berlin
I really like and admire your take on the writing process, and your attitude, Bennett. That's exactly how and me and everyone else improves. Writing begets better writing, writers write, and all that.
The really superfly nifty thing about the Internet, and Blogcritics in particular, is that it doesn't feel like work to write. It feels like fun; it feels like rapping with your old pals. I think that's when you really get better and really start to excel at something -- when you passionately bash away at a task over and over and over not because you have to (though that's the case with the wriitng bug at times) but because it's just far too fun to stop. How could you not stop? I'd say if asked -- it's too fun. Like a good addiction or something.
Alisha -- I think this column is a combo of male bonding and pontificating about cultural and mythical topics of the day. It came as a result of many e-mail back-and-forths and Mr. Smyth, I believe, wisely decided that everyone on the planet had better take a look at the genius that's ever unfurling.
3 - Bennett
Thanks Eric, likewise re your revelations. Man what a read this thing became! I'm gonna digest for a while, and then return with some comments on you guy'z take on it. Fun to drop into your heads for a bit, every one of ye.
4 - Elsa
Alisha has a point.
5 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Aaron, tremendous job of bringin all this mania to light. Like Bennett, i'm gonna go off an sleep an awake with a head filled wi comments for the flingin.
Regarding the fact that these males are all of the masculine variety, i understand and indeed agree, but this came about on account of an email group of a buncha fellas yackin to one another, as Eric pointed out. Sir Fleming, for one, has been vocal about the need for some feminine perspective on these things. and i agree with him, i might add. but it all stems from the email group thing, theere's only as many folks as you see listed up above, barring a couple highly valued folks who are missing, presumed knackered. the group wasn't set up for this purpose, this grew out of it, when the Topics took a turn for the Hot and Sir Smyth made his glorious suggestion. but i understand, yes.
6 - LegendaryMonkey
Elsa -- perhaps we haven't any points and THAT is the point!
Oh well, it's a good read anyway.
7 - Mat Brewster
Berlin you ride the caboose of these things only because you can't turn your shite in on time! But fantastic job pulling all our thought together and conclusion.
I'm all about the ladies. Man, I've been inviting the ladies to join us for scores and scores, but every time one comes along they take one look at this motley crue and flee like the dickens.
So shower up boys, and bring on the ladies.
8 - DJRadiohead
A very quick two cents...
I plan to read this wonderment directly but first must take the wife to whom I am married to go see HP4 at midnight tonight. ROCK!!
Alisha/LM (Her Royal Primateness)... that's why there are comments: for you to come straighten us silly boys out.
Sir Fleming & Co., I will have more on this directly.
9 - Eric Berlin
Berlin B busy, Brewster!!!
10 - vikk
Nice broad spectrum of opinion and process, gentlemen. Blogcritics is a terrific venue and hospitable to a varied group where each one enters the room with their own covered dish offering and sits down at the table to share. There's something for readers, conversationalists, debaters, and pontificators.
As for writing, well, I write to make sense of what I think and feel, and I write to share what I've discovered and/or learned. It seems to be a natural outgrowth of so many years of reading.
11 - Mat Brewster
Berlin better get his biddy butt in gear, or Brewster will bop his bouncy balls to Bermuda!
12 - Bennett
Thanks for that Vikk! We are curious as to why other folks write. What is the driving force behind it all?
Cheers!
13 - Greg Smyth
Finally got round to reading the whole thing, guys. Really enjoyed reading your opinions on the whole topic but DJR's hit me especially - looks like you're taking a new step forward into the unknown, my friend.
Also, Duke with the whole shrivelling up of the urge to write thing you hit the nail on the proverbial.
14 - DJRadiohead
I finally finished reading everyone's contribution. I have a new appreciation for how interesting some of you fuckers are.
Greg, thanks. I am feeling more energized than I have in quite some time. It's a good feeling.
Mat brought up something I hadn't considered... I spend as much of my disposable income as possible on media of some sort. I am mostly a music junkie but I have been known to watch a movie or crack a book every once in awhile. I guess that figures in to my own desire to create (bringing it all back to the opening monologue of Episode 6 of my podcast... see above).
And Duke... good news... you aren't bald at age 90 although the fringe ain't what it used to be.
15 - Greg Smyth
One thing I neglected to mention in the main post is just how much I detest these people who churn out ridiculous amounts of "How To Write A Novel" type guide books without having any recognisable talent/authority on whhich to hang their advice.
Obviously, people like Stephen King are worth listening to because, regardless of what you think of his writing on a personal level, there's no denying that the guy has been doing it long enough and made enough money from it to know what he's talking about.
All too often I get the feeling that a lot of people see the "How To Write" book as a valid alternative option to make money, rather than practicing what they preach. You wouldn't buy a "How To Write A Movie" book written by me, now would you. No, you'd go and buy Syd Field because, regardless of how despicably hack-like his ideas are, he's a screenwriting guru.
People should, if they really want to be writers, get down to the business of writing and be done with the hideous meta-career that every spineless no-hoper has constructed to cushion themselves from failure.
Like I said: if you want to be a writer, write.