The Great Pumpkin Debate Ends Here

There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin. --Linus

The Great Pumpkin is only my second favorite Peanuts movie; it is either a great pumpkin tale in which one can make fun of people who believe in things that are not so, or it is one of the greatest acts of sophistry of all time; not that it takes much with five year olds.

I do not believe in the Great Pumpkin; I have heard rumors being spread that would indicate otherwise, and I want to set the record straight. I will neither confirm nor deny that I, one Halloween eve when much younger, claimed to have witnessed the coming of the Great Pumpkin. We all did things when very young that we don’t lay claim to, and as perfect as I am, I am no exception; that is as it should be as perfection is boring and life without fantasy is just life. I do apologize to all my friends for misleading them in that regard but please...to claim that you have been damaged for life due to this fact is pure histrionic exaggeration. ( that may or may not make sense but go with me here) I blame the likes of Dr. Phil and Fox News for this type of thinking, but face it, most of you were crazy long before I met you.

The pressure (in those days) to believe in the Great Pumpkin was often more than I could stand, so throwing out a simple yea he came to me, too, was not really much of a stretch and didn't even seem like a lie really. I didn’t even start it; it was that really pale vampire toothed kid with the dark purplish eyes who started it. I couldn’t help going a little further as I tend to lean toward descriptive speech and wanted everyone to know that if I saw the Great Pumpkin it was surely large, not quite round with long brown eyelashes, wearing a pair of brown Doc Martens and of the most vivid orange one could ever imagine. I knew I would get you with the fact that he passed out Nintendo games to his favorite kids. You would believe anything if it involved those stupid video games. Is it my fault you all bought every aspect of the deception except the gender? I don’t think so. I still don’t understand how you could believe there was a big magic pumpkin that came every Halloween but wouldn’t believe the pumpkin was a pumpkiness.

Article Author: cooper

Graduate student in International Affairs and Public Policy, you can find out more about Cooper at her blog.

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