Yes oh yes, the pop culture crackle, come drop a cartoon anvil on my chest. I want to make the same artificial crunch sound produced by a guy with a slide whistle in a backroom studio. I'd love to cave in just like the cleverly placed leaves over the empty grave trap. That's the pop culture snap, to make me just like the people plugged into my head from the TV signal. I cancelled my cable and they are still getting through. How full of fate!
The giggling cartoon devil is standing on my monitor, and he gets that signal too. His feet are secured with Velcro so he does not fall over if he laughs too hard. Every time that I put my head in my hands to try and forget my momentary frustration, I rest my elbows on the slab of pulped pseudo-wood that passes for a cubicle desk. Those elbows vibrate the slab, shockwaves rock the boogie, and the devil gets down with a disco dancing head jiggle. Are you getting the fever of the flavor?
That devil, he's working the giggle just for me... just for this pop culture influenced pipe dream I invested my college tuition in. You know the one--- where I believed that I could make a difference, that I could add to American society, that even if I didn't learn physics or algebra very well in school I might just run along something groundbreaking to help save a dying friend or relative from catastrophe. Just like in the movies! All this noise that I call life keeps reminding me that I must certainly not be insignificant amongst the masses. And yet, the devil continues to giggle. He must know something.
That giggle, it's therapeutic somedays, so much so that I rest my elbows on purpose just to watch. While the devil never tells me anything amongst his snickers, today he decided to toss me some questions.
Article comments
1 - Mark Sahm
A postscript for a devil:
You wonder if anyone is listening, don't you? That when your words reach the page, when the pixels of monitors all over the world display your name below a post title--- are they listening? Will they respond? Or is this all just another devil of illusion, slowly milking the lie that you so desperately want to believe is the truth.
So what if it does give you a momentary high? Is it worth pining for? Maybe it's not a Stephen King high, or a J.K. Rowling high--- but when you're a young writer who just wants to sculpt out a creative life for themselves, then a blog presents you with a nice moment of hope. But in truth, for the majority of such youth, it is empty. I remember reading last February of how you could get a job from your blog. That must be a fractional percentage at best. But again, it was hope. A minor shred to cling to.
I've spent over nine months making periodic contributions to this website. Thirty-seven posts worth in that time, a number that some people do in a month. This passage you're reading right now is my six-hundredth comment, again achieved in a month by some. But comparisons and statistics prove nothing. It really comes down to motivations. The why.
For me, I never wanted to be a reporter. Or a reviewer. Or a debater. Oddly enough, I never really wanted to be a critic either, but it looks like my name will always be linked here for as long as they're around and decide to keep archives. So be it. While my original goals in joining the site have been achieved. I'd be lying if I said I didn't learn a lot from the experience from the types of writing I'd never done before: satire, pop culture, sci-tech, a sports article, and a book review. I even tried my hand at analyzing some political issues going on in NYC.
While I never garnered more than forty comments on any post, the reasons for writing them were always about branching out. That if you've been writing in a certain style for most of your life, you need to switch gears. Surprise yourself. Create a self-induced LOL. Sure, very little is guaranteed success once it reaches the real world. But who cares? It is really about the extension of self.
This site offers many ways to lose yourself in writing, commenting, praising, attacking, whatever. But the truth is that most people could give two shits about you and your life, outside of humoring you. Right now, there are twenty thousand people just like every last one of us living the same life within the same parameters. We think that we're being original, but we're just another copycat. Sure it's inadvertent and innocent, but nevertheless completely true. If you weren't dishing on the new alt-rock album or stating why a celebrity or sports star is a weasel, someone or some dozen people would be. We are all disposable.
So the biggest lesson I learned here was that before we can truly be critical of the world, we must learn to be self-critical. Instead of dissecting the world and its infinite faults, focus on why all of it bothers you. I'm writing all this now because outside of my original motivations, I've come to the conclusion that I too am guilty of being a copycat. It's high time that the person I needed to have listening was myself.
I do not know what the future holds for my writing. I do not know if the 2nd novel outline I'm working on right now will ever see the light of day, or if I'll stay stuck on an anonymous plateau like most writers do. But I have accepted my current state and am prepared to move on. Are you?
Thanks for reading. Peace.
2 - gonzo marx
i'm glad you resurrected this piece, i must have missed it the first time out
regardless...i know i am a walking sub-reference...but i revel in it, wallow in it even
and in so doing, i like to think that i have carved out my own little "style" or "voice" as it were
you have done the very same here
chalk that one up as a win
and keep on writing, here and elsewhere...you spawn some fun reads....and if YOU are having some fun doing it
then that's all that matters
objects in the mirror are closer than they appear
Excelsior!
3 - DJRadiohead
Sahm, your questioning of motivations and the like is interesting in its timing as it coincides with a conversation I have been having with some other BCers.
I recognize a fair number of the feelings and thoughts in your original piece and your postscript. I have agonized and theorized and other "ized" about what it all means and if any of it even matters.
I think the best I can say is: good luck with your search.
4 - SonnyD
Mark: I hope you stick with that novel. You have a way with words that keeps me interested and carries me along with you. It's my opinion, for what it's worth, you will be successful, if you keep at it. I've done a LOT of reading and feel I can recognize ability when I see it. Good luck!