One of the most important facts for a PTSD sufferer to know is that you are not alone in this world; there will always be those around you with shared experiences if you just reach out and seek help. I told myself long ago that I was a survivor, no matter what comes my way I would never give up, and someday I would feel normal again. I am still trying.
Today I have the support of my husband and family and I feel happier than I ever have in my life. I have difficulties and will always have this condition, but I can cope with it now. I am working to overcome my long list of fears and phobias; dogs, loud noises, and spies in my computer head this list, and I am, in my opinion, the most paranoid individual to ever touch a keyboard.
I also alienate twice the number of people I attract; this will always be one of the by-products of my disorder. I hope anyone I have offended with my harsh overreactions and words can accept my apology today and tomorrow. I am not justifying myself here, but attempting to clear the air for myself and anyone who feels they may have the same condition. I have never been officially treated by the Air Force for PTSD, and I don't collect SSI disability benefits, although sometimes I contemplate filing for them!
I have long since forgiven myself for not being able to cope with things that happened and were beyond my control, both before and after my time served in the military. I have moved on.
Article comments
1 - roger nowosielski
A beautiful piece, Jeannie, and so moving. I only hope we should all try to understand you better and see more than mere pixels on the computer screen.
2 - Jon Sobel
Beautifully expressed.
3 - roger nowosielski
Well, Jeannie. I'm not alone. You have another admirer.
Check Jon's blogsite, though. You'll find him to be quite talented, too.
There's hope for America, after all, if it keeps on producing so many talented people and artists. I don't want to be stinking rich. I'll just take "the room with a view" (E. M. Forster), or better yet, "a room of my own" (Virginia Woolf), and I'll be happy. And cases of cheap white vine so I could finish my masterpiece.
Screw the rest.
4 - Jeannie Danna
Thank you Roger, actually I just popped back out on to this page!
I did check out Jon's blogs, in-fact I have The Stone Coyotes on my browser right now..:)
5 - Jeannie Danna
Thank you Jon, I don't know what to say, now there's a first!
6 - roger nowosielski
Just looked at it. What's the connection with Jon Sobel?
It mentions Elmore Leonard's "Be Cool," another great writer. But the one that will really blow you away is none other than James Ellroy. If you think that "The Black Dahlia" is any good, I've got news for you.
Read "American Tabloid" and weep.
7 - Christopher Rose
Another great piece of writing, Jeannie. Just remember to hold on to the love and let go of the paranoia.
8 - roger nowosielski
Just occurred to me, Jeannie. The events you describe remind me of John le Carré's Absolute Friends.
The story is told from the opposite point of view - that of "the terrorists'" - but the scene of action is also in Germany and the story is contemporary.
You should look it up.
9 - Jeannie Danna
Thanks Chris, I will try, but you know that comment thread..:) ha ha