You sons of bitches.
But Kirsten suffers this shame, because Her hands are far too precious for to hold anything so distasteful as a grudge.
She could've kicked the arseholes off of those Punk'd motherfuckers, and said "Look here, you had me weeping! Why? Did you Punk Gandhi? And yet here you are, Punkin' me no end."
She could've, but She didn't.
She just goes about her business, goes about inspiring a fella's heart for to choke on its own love-fluid on account of Her dimples and Her eyes and Her hair and Her hands.
So, on this Kirstenmass I will make a note of all who have slighted me, from generic jock types to the very yakuza, and I will burn that piece of paper. Kirsten would have it no other way.
Then, I'll sit down with Dick and The Crow 3 - Salvation, followed by Bring It On and Mona Lisa Smile, both Spider-Men, and topping it off with some Wimbledon and a cheeky Lovers Prayer.
And I'll sing the hyms what I etched in my very soul for sweet Kirsten.
And I will thank the lord. Cheers, The Lord.
Sing along, friends. Sing along with Of Kirsten Dunst and The Ballad Of The Kirsten Dunst Tennis Ball, and know that even if She cannot hear you, probably what She's hearing is still something along the lines of angels spitting with jealousy on account of Her beauty.
Thank you Kirsten. Happy Kirstenmass. I can only wish that whatever might cause your eyes to do that thing when the sun's shining off them and you kinda squint and then the dimples, I hope that falls into your beautiful lap.
The Duke resides at Mondo Irlando
Grab The Duke's New Net Record Here On Blogcritics
Article comments
1 - swingingpuss
Hare Rama, Hare 'Kristena', Hare... Hare.
Maybe we should devote a temple to her. Loved yer post Duke
2 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
why thank you swingingpuss.
if only our hands were fit for to build such a thing.
3 - Eric Berlin
A brilliant, touching tribute for a troubled time, Sir Duke. A new holiday is born... or has it been with us all along?
4 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
thank you eric. It has been with us all along, but as with so many great things (the music of Bright Eyes, the original Ringo's before they changed the flavour, the gore epics of Peter Jackson) we don't notice for a time.
It can only be the best day ever invented.
5 - Victor Plenty
I never realized how many films feature Ms. Dunst. Perhaps my ignorance stems from being among the benighted heathens who, although freely admitting Ms. Dunst is quite attractive and likeable, lack the perceptiveness to fully embrace the Duke's faith.
Let us all hold fast to the hope that the Duke will not find our lack of faith too disturbing.
6 - HW Saxton
I honestly do not understand the appeal
of Ms. Dunst.Not her looks,sex appeal???
(too apple cheeked and sunshine-y for my
tastes)or her acting ability. Hmmmmm...
I realize this is just another of those
"To Each, His Own" kind of thaangs but I
just don't get it.It seems as though the
Duke is rather smitten though. Thank god
for anti-stalking laws eh Kirsten?
Then again, I think Angelina Jolie is as
hot as 4th of July in Phoenix and not a
bad actress either, so what do I know?
7 - Victor Plenty
I'm certain the Duke would never stalk Ms. Dunst. Stalkers generally don't publicly proclaim their adoration in poetically exaggerated, entertaining-to-read terms.
Stalkers tend to write long, boring, deeply creepy letters to the people they want to stalk. Usually handwritten letters, filling both sides of the page in a tiny scrawl that spills across the margins and barely stays on the paper.
No, Ms. Dunst has nothing to fear from our comparatively normal Duke.
8 - Eric Olsen
Victor, you forgot "written in blood"
beauteous Duker, I think her greatest appeal is that she ISN'T the most obvious stunner, looks-wise, and yet she can be radiant perfection in the right light.
Damn, 23, only two years older than my older daughter - weird world.
9 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
EO, this is exactly right. Although, whilst i can accept that some folks perhaps miss the radiance etc shimmering from out Her dimples, eyes and so on, it does worry me no end.
HW, i find this anti-Kirsten propoghanda most distressing. i shall overlook it, however. Kirsten would have it no other way.
And Victor, there is a multitude of wonderful titles waiting to be discovered. One of the perks of my engagement dissolving was that i no longer had to hide the Kirsten shelf, which now glistens with all manner of Devil's Arithmatic and Luckytown shaped glory.
10 - Bennett Dawson
Perfect Duke. Her glorious melonious orbages call to me as no other orbages have ever called. She is why I want to breast feed.
11 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
and why i want to be fed.
im sorry, that was totally innapropriate.
Forgive me, Kirsten.
12 - Eric Berlin
Duke - A clip of MTV's Punk'd was played on The Howard Stern Show this morning. Ashton Kutcher's target: none other than She.
Was wondering what The Duke thought about Kirsten getting Punk'd.
13 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
eric, i relate my disgust at this antic in the body of yonder article. She was weepin, man! almost. close, i'd wager.
that motherfucker Kutcher ain't nothin but a low down sonnabitch, i've deduced.
14 - Eric Berlin
Ah Duke -- I missed that bit. My apologies! How could I think that you wouldn't be Out There protecting she who must be referred to as She?
15 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
happy Kirstenmass all! i was forbidden (by the kinda terrors would singe your guts to hear tell of) to do a new screed this year, so i can but comment here along the lines of "God bless you Kirsten. Mine soul is aflutter in your wake."