Phrase 3: "Let's take this discussion offline"
Translation: "None of the people talking right now really knows what we're saying. So to save us further embarrassment in front of our peers, let's publicly state that we are going to discuss this topic at another time while silently agreeing to never speak of it again."
Phrase 4: "Do we need to escalate this?"
Translation: See translation of Phrase 1
Phrase 5: "Let's have a quick breakout session after this meeting"
Translation: "I'm not completely done with hearing myself talk and I want to extend this meeting with a few unfortunate victims whereby we will scribble some random ideas onto a page, in an homage to the high school brainstorming session." (Note: this is a distant cousin of Phrase 3.)
Phrase 6: "Let's wait until we are able to complete a deep dive into the data"
Translation: "I'm not ready to tell you anything of relevance. Yet, instead of rescheduling this meeting and sparing everyone's time, I decided to save face and repeat a bunch of watered down statements over and over until time expires and I finish my latte."
Phrase 7: "We have to make some business decisions in accordance with our strategic plan"
Translation: "We're about to lay off a lot of people. So hold off on making any big purchases because you're probably better off holding on to your money right now. But in the meantime, we'll let you twist in the wind while capitalizing on your fear of being fired by asking you to work an obscene amount of hours."
Phrase 8: "We're approaching the go/no go point"
Translation: "I'm getting nervous. You all should be nervous too and this is my way of letting you know. It's time to stall until one of the higher ups steps in and takes charge. Can someone pass me that list of corporate phrases?"
So there you have it. A quick overview and reference guide for the next time you either find yourself in a situation where you know nothing and feel the need to look important or if you find yourself caught in a situation with a peacocking project manager in a moment of self importance.
Now if you'll excuse me, my coffee has fully percolated.
- Hardy
explorethespace.com
Article comments
1 - Gordon Hauptfleisch
Got some key takeaways from your very funny article. Enjoy your coffee.
2 - Matthew T. Sussman
Whenever I'm in a conference call at a newspaper, so much gets done compared to a typical business setting.
I haven't really had to deal with "suits," so to speak. I don't envy you.
3 - Hardy
Thanks for the compliment, Gordon.
Matthew, trust me, you've made a great decision by choosing to not envy me. In fact, don't even look at me. I feel so unpretty.