In less than twenty-four hours, I will be at the cemetery visiting the grave of one of my dearest friends.
He isn't dead yet. In fact, he's the one who is taking me there.
I was looking earlier today for a poem to submit to Poetry Thursday -- this week's assignment being to share a line in a poem that you love. The line I have never been able to get out of my head since being introduced to David Whyte's poetry is the last line in "Self-Portrait," excerpted below:
... I want to knowIt has been a very long road to arrive at this place in our friendship, where he can willingly take me and I will willingly go to sit upon his grave and face the full impact of the reality that when death finally comes, he will be ready to welcome it. Michael is a paradox in that way. You would be lucky to meet someone who works harder at staying alive and vital and healthy than he does. The challenges facing a 31-year quadriplegic are more than an able-bodied person can comprehend, should they even want to try. Somehow, Michael manages to meet every single obstacle with a sense of humor and a grace which is absolutely humbling. I don't know which is the bigger miracle, that his body has lasted this long or that his spirit was never broken.
if you are willing
to live day by day, with the consequence of love
and the bitter
unwanted passion of your sure defeat.I have been told in that fierce embrace, even
the gods speak of God.
You could understand why I would want a person of this caliber to remain in my life for many years to come. He's taught this hot-headed Greek more than a few lessons over the past sixteen years in patience, compassion, flow, remaining present, taking responsibility for my shit, and facing the fact that we are all transitory here.
He's been trying to get me to face the reality of death for a while now and I have kicked and screamed and writhed in pain and tried everything I could think of to make his life easier so he'd want to stay. I thought with enough love and enough protection, somehow I could buy time. Turns out, time is not for sale.
Article comments
1 - Joan Hunt
I wish I'd had the chance to help my friend make peace with his world prior to his death in June. We made enormous strides in healing (imaginary) riffs between us just days before, but there were other demons he needed to lay to rest he couldn't handle on his own. Had I known...
I'm glad you have been able to come to terms with the reality of your friend's future and are embracing him and his needs now, while you can.
I'll say a prayer for you both.
2 - Laura Young
Thank you, Joan. I am very aware and incredible humbled and grateful for this time I have and our mutual willingness to walk right in to the scariest places together. Thank you for your prayers.
Sending energy right back to you for your continued healing,
L