I suppose you could say I got used to the way she looked, but rather it was that I came to appreciate what her body had been through, what her mind and heart had endured. In this, I was able to see the beauty of her experience, determination, stamina, and energy. It wasn't a matter of looking past the scars; it was more a matter of realizing what the scars meant and what they really represented.
She didn't think she was beautiful, even before the surgeries, but I did. I've never seen anyone as beautiful as my mother.
I've not seen a nude female body in any spa that tells the horrific story my mother's body told, but each has their own. The bodies I've seen aren't difficult or disgusting to view on any level. They tell many stories and I can relate to some of those stories just as much as if the person talked about their experiences. Many of us could relate to the stories these bodies tell — surgery, being pregnant with a big baby or more than one baby, walking everywhere, carrying small children, holding larger sick children, years of bending down to pick things up, and climbing stairs and hills with heavy bags of groceries. Combine the lines, scars, wrinkles, stretch marks, and varicose veins with the look in someone's eyes — wisdom, sadness, and joy — and you all but know their life story.
That others would compare everyone to a perfect, healthy, 20-year-old standard is the loss of the one who would compare. They've lost more than they know. They don't know themselves as much as they could and so have never opened themselves up to knowing someone else. There is no comparison between our bodies any more than we can compare each other's minds or hearts. Who among us has a Harvard-educated mind, a well-traveled heart with a lifetime of experiences, and a firm and fully packed body? No one has all that. Having one will cost you another — always.
Young, pretty, in-shape bodies are a pleasure for the eyes to behold, no doubt. The way some dress themselves, in-shape or not, speaks volumes of how they view themselves. Sometimes the story they tell with the way they dress is so sad and so lonely, it's hurtful to see. They'd be so much better off nude, sitting blissfully in a heated grotto of warm bubbling water. I've personally never thought it was funny to see out-of-shape, badly dressed people because there but for the grace of God and all that.
Article comments
1 - Josh
I was impressed by your piece. Very good insights, especially about the "bodies telling a story" thing.
2 - chantal stone
What a beautiful piece, Diana, as always.
For someone who has struggled with body-image issues all of my life, this meant a lot. I wish I had the courage you and your daughter had walking into that spa for the first time.
Someday, maybe.
3 - Barry Stoller
"When nude, we can't hide behind our money, education, titles, and property... In the nude, no one is rich or poor, educated or illiterate, a doctor or a maid. We are all the same " naked."
Nah - 'better' bodies often demonstrate leisure and money, plus the roll of genetic dice. Better to look at the opinions and generosities of people to see where they're at.
4 - Dawn
What a beautiful story Diana. Thank you for sharing.
(Ps. your mom's a babe!)
5 - DJRadiohead
Damn that was a fine piece of writing, Diana. Had to be careful... as I was crafting that sentence and the words "damn," "fine," and "piece" were all being strung together I was in danger of writing something to be seriously misconstrued.
6 - Arch Conservative
Pretty, pretty words that have nothing at all to do with reality. We shouldn't compare each other? No duh. We should just read your post or hang out in a nude spa for a little bit and be so enlightened that we will no longer?
Nudity is not the great equalizer. If anything it will, in keeping with society's persistent and ubiquitous teaching of what is beautiful and desirable and what is not, further differentiates.
Obesity epidemic, body dysmorphic disorder, anorexia , bulemia, suicide, poor body self image, etc...... unfortunaely for many of us reality sucks and even those who are intellectually aware of the fact that a person's physical appearance has absolutely nothing to do with thier worth are often times unable to overcome the physical concerns on a more base level
7 - Mary K. Williams
Arch says: unfortunaely for many of us reality sucks and even those who are intellectually aware of the fact that a person's physical appearance has absolutely nothing to do with thier worth are often times unable to overcome the physical concerns on a more base level
SO? does that mean that we shouldn't appreciate Diana's very well written thoughts on this subject?
I'd not have the bravery to do that. That's my problem - but I applaud Diana and those in the spa.
And her words DO have everything to do with reality.
8 - Dawn
Wow, Arch, that was unduly harsh. As in, it kind of sucks what you said.
9 - Victor Plenty
Any real conservative will appreciate the timeless beauty of the moral principles Diana evokes here.
10 - Joan Hunt
Damn you for making me cry, Diana! This was absolutely fantastic.
I can tell you right now - I'd hesitate nary a second to walk into a spa with you. I don't think anyone would after reading this.
You know what so many fail to understand and I thank you for sharing it in such a beautiful way.
I've passed this along to more people than I can count.
11 - Christopher Rose
Everything you say is true, Diana, and when I can look at a naked female body in a non-sexual way, I'll do it too. Right now though, it would, er, raise too much trouble...
12 - Joan Hunt
P.S. Part of me giggled as I thought of Radar O'Reilly on MASH and his fear of nakeditedy.
13 - Ray Ellis
Diana, beautiful piece.
Anyone who has ever visited a "clothing optional" facility quickly realizes that there is no such thing as an "ugly" body. As you say, it is the great equalizer.
But what do we know? Arch has once again floored us with his infinite knowledge of "reality."
14 - Tom Boldenweck
One of the best essays on the joys/needs of being undressed in mix company.
We are a naturist couple of fifty years. We are no longer club members because after a long trip to Europe and staying at many naturist parks we have decided Americans just don't get it the way Europeans understand.
I will always remember with great joy the wonderful spa at Baden Baden.....
15 - robin
As one of those 300lb women, I can tell you that if I were going to a spa, it would be european and likely with you.
You are truly beautiful, inside and out. You got that from your mom.
I miss her too.
16 - balaji
standing before
my mirror of mind
naked
beauty and 'ugly' bound
together
like love and yearning
that was a beautiful article.
17 - Jon Sobel
Loved this article. American prudery is staggeringly unhealthy. In many ways it's a bizarre country to live in. Makes you wonder about cultures, such as fundamentalist Islam and some forms of orthodox Judaism, that insist on separation of the sexes and extreme modesty in dress. What parts of their humanity are they (and we) denying or missing? Besides the obvious.
18 - Junebugg
This is one of the best writen and most thought provoking articles I've ever read. Thank you.
19 - Alan
What a beautiful article.
I think it may be to hard a concept for most Americans to grasp though. That a person need not have a perfect body in order to be able to be nude in the presence of others, even those of the same sex. We in America seem to have bought into the image that the advertising agencies have been selling. We are not worthy, we can never look good enough. We will always be too fat, too thin, too this or that to just accept ourselves the way we are and be happy.
Oh well at least some cultures in this world can get over it.
20 - diana hartman
thank you alan, i appreciate your comment :)
21 - s j
wow how very real, you took me through quite a few emotions love your mum for her love and strength and you for your honesty and to sit in an area naked to all(well done)i personally think for a woman it is more dificult to do this as they trueley have much more beauty to show than men , when i first went into a spa in germany i wore a towel & was asked to remove it by the ladies in the spa this was scary new but dificult at the time as i had so much attention on "my" body i had no feelings towards the beauty that was in the same room as me.after some time i began to accept any emotions as one day i got an erection & tried to cover it up & this lady i met said thet to try to cover up how one feels (phisically or emotionally)is like trying to be someone your not, she said it was nice to see and just as pleasurable for her that i was getting an erection, we were so honest and open with each other now days i feel very comfortable
22 - sfgsg
loser
23 - sham sunder azad
25-01-2009
WHAT A THOUGHT-PROVOKING PRESENTATION-
ITS A GIFT TO MANY US-HAVING VISITED THE SITE,FIRST TIME , ON THE EVE OF 26TH JAN. INDIA-
WE HAVE TO ADMIRE THE BEAUTY OF NATURE& ITS APPROACH TO ADDRESS HUMAN BEINGS-THE FEMALE GENDER WHO ARE BLESSED WITH ALL THE BIOLOGICAL INTRICACIES OF MOTHER NATURE-
WE ARE HIGHLY IMPRESSED-
REGARDS-
SHAM SUNDER AZAD
24 - sham sunder azad
06-08-2009
A REVIEW OF THIS THOUGHT AFTER A FEW MONTHS
IS QUITE AN INTERESTING EXPERIENCE-DIFFERENT VERSIONS AS WELL AS WELL-DEFINED OUTLOOK CONFIRM-WE DO ADMIRE NATURE &(HER) APPROACH TO BE HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT-