Thanksgiving. We're all familiar with the tale, a minor event in 1621 elevated to the level of propaganda and myth; the Pilgrims were to celebrate their traditional feast of the fall harvest when a group of Native People arrived to share their bounty with the hungry new arrivals.
This communal luncheon among two disparate ethnic groups became a national holiday in 1863, and thanks to the imaginations of a few illustrators at the turn of the century, we inherited a picture of peaceful coexistence among half-naked savages and Puritans dressed in goofy black hats.
The Pilgrims are often referred to as "The First Settlers," which implies that Native Americans merely wandered aimlessly around the continent awaiting the arrival of a landlord. In fact, by the time the Mayflower arrived, these 'native' settlers had been 'settled' on the North American continent for thousands of years, but we rarely let facts get in the way of romantic titles.
Tradition holds that the Pilgrims were thankful for their families, their God, a successful harvest, and their continued survival. Their guests had plenty to be thankful for too, but this is rarely mentioned during Thanksgiving celebrations.
1) Booze - Firewater was a great evolutionary step for Native Americans; it allowed them to experience religious ecstasy without having to resort to the inconvenience of fasting, vision quests, and magic. A wise, high-maintenance shaman is replaced by a non-union liquor store clerk. Progress = convenience.
(Another big advantage for booze: when compared to peyote, it tastes better and is less filling.)
2) Small Pox - Without this gift from generous White Man, the native population would have gone unchecked, encouraging overcrowding and the subsequent destruction of natural resources intended for use by others more experienced at urban development.
3) Professional Sports - Without this White European cultural phenomena, they would never have been immortalized by such teams as the Cleveland Indians, the Washington Redskins, and the Atlanta Braves. A side-effect is that thousands of white racists in Georgia now own foam-rubber tomahawks and know the melody of an ancient Native American pop song. (Hey-ah-hey-ah-hey)
Continued on the next page Page 1 — Page 2
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Shark
heh. A Thanksgiving classic.
2 - JR
Pretty much, yeah.
3 - dave nalle
1621? The pilgrims didn't arrive until 1622 and the legendary first thanksgiving wasn't until the fall of 1623.
dave
4 - Nancy
Alas, the indians would have done better to have poisoned them all. Well...they DID give us tobacco; I guess that's partial payment for all that whites have done to them.
5 - Anthony Grande
The war between the Europeans and the Natives was well underway before the first Thanksgiving. At the first Thanksgiving two rival parties sat down and feasted together to symbolize PEACE.
This is why we celebrate Thanksgiving. It symbolizes PEACE.
"1) Booze - Firewater..."
We gave them booze just like they gave us Marijuana and Cocaine. And they showed us how to use Marijuana and Cocaine also.
"2) Small Pox"
Although true, it wasn't intentional.
"3) Professional Sports"
Are you serious? I thought that this argument was destroyed along time ago. The people who complain about the Atl Braves and the Clevaland Indians do not speak for the honored majority of Natives.
You have no 4.
5) I don't really know about this one but it sounds like another talking point.
"7) Land Treaties"
Broken treaties was unfair by the whites, I agree. But they had to find away to move the natives West because they were a threat to backwoods farmers and settlers (raping women and children and scalping men).
"8) George Armstrong Custer"
They declared war on the whites first.
Now Thanksgiving has nothing to do with what you are posting. Thanksgiving was when two warring peoples set aside their differences in a moment of PEACE.
6 - gonzo marx
argh...so much wrongness here...
firstly..."Natives" are not some monolithic single entity...there were various Tribes and Nations involved with even the earliest settlers
the Iroquois Nation didn't really war with the settlers, but the Hurons certainly did...you just can't lump all these different people into one category and then dismiss them with factual inaccuracy
next...cocaine ( as in the coca plant) doesn't grow in North America...and cocaine is chemically processed from the crystals that form on the underside of the leaves...you can thank 19th century chemists for cocaine, NOT native americans
oh yes..marijuana grows in just about every corner of the globe....or did you think that europeans magically produced hemp rope prior to 1492?
Ant G sez...
*But they had to find away to move the natives West because they were a threat to backwoods farmers and settlers*
ummm....could it be because those "settlers" just went and moved onto the lands held by the Nations/Tribes already living there? not to mention shooting folks that had bows and spears...
the best one is Ant G saying...
*"8) George Armstrong Custer"
They declared war on the whites first.*
now, considering Custer's history of slaughtring villages of women, children and old people while the men were out of camp..this is really funny...
Black Elk Speaks might be a good book for you to start with, since you are so woefully uneducated in matters concerning the native american peoples
ya think he will listen?
nah...
but i can Dream, can't i?
Excelsior!
7 - Upright Simian
and let us not forget that most of the indian fighting and frontier opening was done by the scotts-irish, themselves a primitive and violent tribal people specifically imported to america for that purpose.
8 - Anthony Grande
"the Iroquois Nation didn't really war with the settlers, but the Hurons certainly did...you just can't lump all these different people into one category and then dismiss them with...
Why the Hell are you talking about the Iroquois Nation? It was the WAMPANOG who ate with the Pilgrims, not the Iroquois.
You do know you Squanto is, right? Well he was captured and enslaved by the white man. His tried was destroyed by the diseases the white man carried and that the natives didn't have immunities for.
Now you do realize that the Indians were the ones who fired first on the very first settlers of North America (not including Spanish Florida)?
Most of the tribes were just too hard to coexist with. Which is why there were many broken treaties and removal of Indians.
The Cherokee Nation and the Trail of Tears was a different story. The Cherokees were trying to intergrate into our lifestyle when the 1st Democratic President, Andrew Jackson, forced their removal into the wilderness.
And why do you think Custer led that crusade against the Indians?
9 - Dan
"Had the Indians known what was on the cosmic menu that first Thanksgiving Day, they might have brought their hosts some hemlock tea -- or at the very least -- slaughtered them during their afternoon nap in front of their TV sets."
Jamestown massacre anyone? 347 men, women, and children? March 22, 1622? Maybe they were upset 'cause the Cowboys won 17-10.
10 - Bennett
Gonzo - nope.
And yeah you kin dream.
11 - Bennett
Where ya been Shark?
xoxoxox!
12 - Anthony Grande
And they also gave pale face tobacco.
13 - Dan
"(Another big advantage for booze: when compared to peyote, it tastes better and is less filling.)"
Actually, the peyote "religous experience" comes after vomiting. Vomiting is not very filling.
Come to think of it though, booze can produce vomiting as well. so... nevermind.
14 - Dan
"Small Pox - Without this gift from generous White Man, the native population would have gone unchecked,..."
Those cheap assed indians, they recieved Small Pox, and all they gave in return was syphillus.
15 - Anthony Grande
I believe that it is wrong to blame the pale face for the small pox mass wipeout because they did not do it intentionally.
That is like blaming our AIDS problem on gays.
16 - Shark
Today -- Anthony Grande -- satirists everywhere are giving thanks for the likes of you.
PS: Put a history book on your xmas wish list -- one with lots of pretty pictures. (?)
17 - Shark
Dave Nalle, re your confusion on the historic dates:
you also believe the Pilgrims arrived in three ships called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria -- so why should we trust you on history questions?!
PS: 1620 = Pilgrims arrival
1621 = peace treaty signed with Massasoit
You're welcome.
18 - troll
US OUT OF NORTH AMERICA - !
troll
19 - Dan
"I believe that it is wrong to blame the pale face for the small pox mass wipeout because they did not do it intentionally.
That is like blaming our AIDS problem on gays."
Hee hee, good one Anthony.
I kind of wonder if a myth of nobility would be assigned to the minutemen were they to go in to an illegal mexican immigrant enclave and slaughter 347 men women and children.
20 - Anthony Grande
"Put a history book on your xmas wish list -- one with lots of pretty pictures."
On several of them. Reading history is one of my hobbies, thanks.
Dan, what are getting at? Minutemen killing illegals?
21 - Silas Kain
Imagine. Those damn native Americans were called savages by the palefaces because they were not Christians. They also gave us tobacco and what did paleface do? He raised it, cultivated it with slave labor and made it a staple cash crop of the fledgling American economy. Like it or not, the settlers of the New World created this country on the backs of Native Americans, slave labor and tobacco. What a duplicitous people we are.
P.S. Can I have a pretty historical picture book, too? Maybe one I can color in with my Crayola 64 pack?
22 - Dave Nalle
Silas, that's not duplicitous, that's enterprising. No one said we weren't going to come here, dispossess the naitves, rape the land, grow poison and get rich. We did it and we did it openly and with pride.
To quote an early governorr of Virginia: "Indians do but run over the grass, as do also the foxes and wild beasts...so it is lawful now to take land, which none useth, and make use of it."
Utility trumps precedence.
Dave
23 - Silas Kain
Can you put all that in coloring book form for our younger commenters to use?
24 - Dan
"Dan, what are getting at? Minutemen killing illegals?"
Anthony, your apt juxtapositioning of AIDS and Smallpox in comment #15 inspired me to juxtapose the slaughter of innocent "illegal immigrants" by Indian savages at Jamestown (and myriad other places) with a hypothetical slaughter by minutemen of "illegal aliens" today. Think the revisionists would be touting the virtues of the minutemen "natives"? (rhetorical)
Don't be snowed by revisionists "coloring books". If self-flagellating palefaces would like to atone for perceived historical injustices, they are free to offer themselves up as human sacrifices to Huitzilopochtli.
25 - Silas Kain
My Dad and I got into a heavy discussion about the slaughter of Native Americans. He pointed out that no great civilization is built without the sacrifice of many. In that context, he's right. It has been the art of war and all its residual effects that have built the greatest civilizations on Earth. On paper it's nice to have peace but that's not who we have practiced as a species. It's survival of the fittest from plankton to whales with humans in between. With age comes wisdom and his counsel was stop thinking about what got us here and worry about what to do to make it better.