I know it's my patriotic duty to be scared, terrified, and terrorized — because my President constantly reminds me.
Shortly after 9/11, Bush and Co. instituted a "color coded" scare alert to let me and my fellow Americans know just how scared we should be; its called the "Terrorist Threat Level" and comes in various pretty, almost soothing colors. This color code not only made it easier to alert the American public, but it effectively requisitioned the rainbow, taking it back from those pesky gay troublemakers (who had turned a symbol of Utopia in Kansas to a symbol of utopia for people used to getting the shit beat out of 'em for what they do behind closed doors with consenting adults; Now when Judy Garland sings, "Somewhere over the Rainbow," we can imagine a post-9/11 civilian bomb shelter instead of a gay disco party. Damn right.)
Terrorist Threat Alert. Scary Rainbow. That's better.
Then we had White House spokesman Ari "I studied Himmler" Fleischer warning Americans to "be careful" what they say.
That was scary, too. As a matter of fact, the last time a flaccid, frustrated right-wing bald guy uttered those words, Italy joined the Evil Axis, brown shirts became a really IN fashion statement among ruthless killers, and the world spent the next seven years at war.
Then along came "The Patriot Act" — which is about the scariest phrase since "Big Brother is Watching" — except that was a fictional invention created to frighten the reader, and this happened to be paraded in front of God and the nation as something to be proud of.
You know that any legislation that needs the word "Patriot" attached to it means somebody is going to get fucked, but no, everybody was sufficiently scared, and so they not only voted for it, but bragged about it afterwards.
The Patriot Act. The Patriot Hunt. The Patriot Burnings. The Patriot Lynchings. One imagines all sorts of fantastic legislation will follow the Patriot Act, if only we become scared enough.
Article comments
1 - Jim Carruthers
You should do more investigative reporting. Does the corporation which makes Depends adult diapers also contribute to the Republicrats?
And those Johnnie-On-The Spot guys, I bet they're really owned by Halliburton.
2 - Jim Carruthers
Sorry, but I've concluded you owe me $5. Please contact me for Paypal info. It was the least I could do.
3 - Al Barger
You get a pretty good rant going here Shark, and I dig that. You went utterly hysterical with little or no logic. Yeah, you've been huffing from the MD bag. Of course, it has little or nothing to do with the real world.
For example, where are these Patriot Burnings and Patriot Lynchings you refer to? Not to defend the Patriot Act, but other than the Orwellian sound of the name, what exactly is bad in the Patriot Act? I haven't seen dissidents being rounded up for any camps. There are legitimate concerns, and I don't know how much of the Patriot Act I would support, but I haven't seen any of these terrible results that y'all keep spouting about.
You're out of line with your anti-Christian sentiments as well. You make out like Dubya is Martin Sheen in The Dead Zone. That's just silly. Seems like you're just saying that really no religious person- or at least no Christian- should be president.
Finally, what the hell is Bush SUPPOSED to do about terror alerts. Nothing? Then he's the jerk next even modest terror attack we get.
The terror threat levels are a legitimate tool for trying to give us a simple heads up. I don't know how much good they do, but Dubya HAD to do something like that.
4 - Shark
Al, first of all, and dig this for all future parsing of SHARK material:
I DON'T DO "LOGIC".
I
Don't
Do
Logic.
Fuck logic.
Logic got us where we are.
'kay?
'Kay.
Secondly, nothing I said above can be disputed. Nothing.
There's no debate.
re: "Seems like you're just saying that really no religious person- or at least no Christian- should be president."
I would never suggest that. That would be silly.
Thirdly, when I get "hysterical", you'll know it.
Thanks for playing, tho!
5 - Nick Jones
"You make out like Dubya is Martin Sheen in The Dead Zone."
Yes! Greg Stillson! I KNEW The Chimp reminded me of someone. Thanks, Al!!!
6 - Jim Carruthers
ah, geez, Al, I was just about to get $5 out of this bozo using third world liberal guilt, and you had to queer it all up. Now he's going to know we're all part of the cock-knocker worldwide conspiracy.
So both of you fruit-bags owe me $5.
7 - Jim Carruthers
And I want to declare that no matter how much terror you feel, just thinking of the supple buttocks of Al, so like a 17 year old boy, Howdy, I'm sure we can all forgive our political differences.
8 - Nick Jones
Jim: Ew.
Give me five bucks.
9 - Jim Carruthers
and everybody who just had a vaguely erotic idea, you owe me $5.
Pay me.
10 - Al Barger
Jim, you got a right purty mouth- I'll gladly give you the $5.
Thank you Shark for acknowledging the lack of logic.
11 - Jim Carruthers
Who knew I could make so much money off Howdy's supple ass?
Hey, Al, you don't have to put out the red light tonight!
12 - RJ Elliott
Shark said:
"I DON'T DO "LOGIC".
I
Don't
Do
Logic.
Fuck logic."
We really didn't need this clarification, but thanks... ;-]
13 - Shark
RJ, At least I admit it up front.
Unlike you, I have no illusions about the way the mind works.
Re: "Logic" and didactic arguments, etc ---
MY FAVORITE QUOTE:
"I do not consider the relative result more important than the choice between cake and cherries after dinner. The system of quickly looking at the other side of a thing in order to impose your opinion indirectly is called dialectics, in other words, haggling over the spirit of french fries while dancing method around." --Tzara
14 - HW Saxton Jr.
Shark,you are my hero.Anybody who would
quote Tzara, mention Lautremont(not that
anyone but me noticed)and even notice I
mentioned Bunuel in my Movie list is a
man amongst men. Seeing as to how you
always have to explain your satire this
qoute from Dali seemed apropos:
"When the creations of a genius collide
with the mind of a layman and produce an
empty sound,there is little doubt as to
which is at fault..."
15 - Shark
Thanks, HW; I musta missed that compliment. I coulda used it the last month or so -- my self-esteem has been waning to the point where my "admirable role models" have gone from Colin Powell to Ted Kaczynski!
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SPEAKING OF WAGGING THE DOG: The Bush Junta makes Clinton look like an amateur.
Headlines have gone from
--"Another Bombing in Baghad"
--"Gas Prices Highest in History"
-- "More Abu Ghraib Horrors Released"
-- "Bush Plunges in Polls"
-- "Europe, NATO, and the UN say to Bush: Fuck You, We Ain't touchin' Your Oozing Puss-Filled Open American Sore Known as Iraq"
~ to ~
"TERRORISTS PLAN TO ATTACK ON US SOIL"
Gee. Like we didn't KNOW that... especially after we blew Iraq.
Look: It's now almost JUNE OF 2004, and we haven't seen hide nor hair of Tom Ridge since the day he was appointed "Director of Fatherland Security" -- but now that:
1) Bush's popularity is plunging;
2) Iraq is getting worse (if that's possible);
3) Abu Ghraib and the US military's idea of homoeroticism won't go away;
4) the economy, thanks to gasoline, is about to tank even more...
...THEY TROT OUT THE TERRORISTS.
"Get Ridge out there to rustle up some "scare"!"
No, by "Terrorists" I do not mean Bin Laden and his boyz, I mean the Bush Administration spokesmen who casually drop words like "Dirty Bomb" and "Bioterrorism" into interviews with every empty talking head on every TV channel this morning. They're not only trying to frighten us into a "Bush/Cheney 04" T-shirt, they're trying to do a Cover-Yer-Ass move in case this summer ends like the one in '01. "Hey, we told you... even had an explicit report titled 'Bin Laden Determined to Attack Before 04 Election ('Cuz He's for Kerry)"
What are they trying to tell us?
Be vigilant.
Fuck you, Tommy. You BE vigilant.
I'm too busy collecting cans along the side of the highway to notice what sort of freight is coming into Houston -- or who is getting on an airplane with a smoking shoe or a pair of fingernail files.
You be vigilant, Tommy.
Or get that Republican Cash Cow/Golden Calf, the Star-Wars Missile Defense Program up and running, but make damn sure they add a setting for "Crop Dusters".
Better yet, take some of that $175 BILLION you dickheads spent in Iraq and shore up the USA's borders -- which leak more than Karl Rove's office about the identity of CIA agents married to whistleblowers.
(I just felt the need to update my prophetic entry -- and point out yet again:
Bush and his people suck.)
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now... where's my Soma...?