I realize that some of you ladies (and men) out there will take great offense to this, but I can't stand Tom Cruise. I don't care that he's been in some of the top grossing movies at the box office, I think he's a hack. I don't care who claims he's the sexiest man alive, I think he's a troll. If I had to nail down the exact reasons why he makes my skin crawl, they would be as follows:
1. He's Short. Short men bug me. And before the hate mail starts pouring in, let me explain. My personality is very alpha - blindingly alpha. Some men are intimidated by this, short men more so than most. This makes them either instantly hostile towards me or aggressively sexual as if, A) they have to prove something to me, and B) I actually give a shit. I make absolutely no apology for being a strong willed, sharp minded, sexually mature woman. Therefore, short men bug me.
2. The Whole Nicole Kidman Thing. I believe the consensus in this instance is that he's the ass. Even if it turns out she was carrying Raoul the Pool Boy's child, there's no excuse for causing a woman to lose a pregnancy. And, yes, I do blame that on Tom Cruise. He and Red had reportedly renewed their vows in a "romantic Christmas ceremony" then he filed for divorce in February. Shit, if that's romance, I'd hate to see the results of an actual fight!
3. He's a Scientologist. The popular rumor is that Robert Heinlein (one of the greatest sci-fi writers of all time) and L. Ron Hubbard (not) were shooting the shit about religion, when they made a bet: whoever could make the most money off of religion would win. Robert Heinlein wrote the culture changing classic novel Stranger in a Strange Land. Elron plagiarized a dozen different sources, wrote Dianetics, then formed the laugh-fest that is Scientology. Borrowing the worst of pulp sci-fi, cheap Russian brainwashing techniques and Psychic Friends Network infomercials, Scientology gives the rich and stupid a place to unload both their insecurities and their cash. Their allegedly renounced policy of Fair Game against all unbelievers should be, in and of itself, enough to allow them to be shot on sight. Well, that and Battlefield Earth.
4. His Fake Name. Tom. Cruise. Now, Cruise is not his real last name. It is his middle name. Whatever. It's kinda sleazy. Mapother is his real last name. Mapother. Never mind. He can keep the 'Cruise.'
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Jen Raj
I thought he was playing himself in Magnolia with his whole "Respect the Cock" short-man schtick.. I'm with ya!
2 - Anne
Yes, "Magnolia" was a film in which he was appropriately cast! Never understood what all the fuss was over him--either he's acting up a storm or mugging so much you want to slap him. As for his appearance, one particular phrase comes to mind: high school date rapist. That's the instant thought association for me.
3 - The Theory
Well, it seems like the haterd from Tom Cruise runs deep. It's time to forgive and forget, people.
Arguably, no one made you see movies he's in. And there are definately a lot worse actors... and people in general. for example Hitler.
peace.
4 - Sekimori
sat·ire (n.)
1. A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit.
2. Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity.
Have a nice day.
5 - Fran
You didn't mention his TEETH! How about that one giant bucky-beaver tooth that sits right in the center of his uppers, where the "seam" between the two front teeth should be? He appears so often in extreme close-up in his movies, and has such an obnoxious grin, that you should have ample opportunities to observe the freak tooth. I thought he'd had braces...?
6 - Sekimori
Did so...in #10: "...you've got teeth like big Chicklets." What else is there to say? :)
7 - Paul
How did a post about Tom Cruise turn into a Reductio ad Hitlerum so fast? One for the books.
8 - Anne
Yes...either someone's a huge fan or takes himself and the world WAY too seriously.
9 - The Theory
...i wasn't being serious... lighten up.
peace.
10 - andy
Yeah, but Tom supports the war, so there is that.
Link from Pundit Ex Machina.
11 - Sekimori
Whew! We can all stop talking about it now...we've received the ultimate validation! Thank you, Tom, thank you!
[/sarcasm off]
12 - Eric Olsen
I like Tom the actor okay, sometimes, but he seems as slimy as you might fear in the flesh. Great piece - did you see that Datalounge picked it up?
13 - boy
Wow, was she unlikeable. I bet the reason short men get hostile is the same reason tall men and other women are hostile to her: she's a Bitch Supreme.
Is she "fiercely intelligent" along with being an "alpha personality"? What a dork she sounds like.
As for the reasons, stupid, not funny. If she thinks that's wit, well, I know why she's writing for free and not being paid. She sucks at it.
Tell her to read some Dave Barry or David Sedaris before she attempts her next list. Or the guy who wrote "Alec Baldwin Doesn't Love Me"--he likes lists, but his are actually funny.
14 - Henry
This was more nasty than funny. This woman sounds like a snotty bitch, and I'm no fan of Cruise. Her "alpha-woman" thing was ludicrous.
As for being the "size of a smurf," that never hurt people like Robert Redford and Paul Newman, neither of whom are tall. Redford is shorter than Cruise.
15 - Sekimori
Excuse me, the title of the piece was "Ten Things I HATE About Tom Cruise." Hello? Is this thing on?
16 - robyn
Godwin's law (an old carry-over from Usenet days) was invoked -- Seki wins in a TKO!
17 - Solonor
Note to 'boy': Don't make Seki angry. You won't like her when she's angry. I mean it. For the love of all that is holy, stop while you are behind. *crawling into the fallout shelter now*
18 - Jessica Parker
That made my day. The whole Nicole thing really shitted me, and pluease, anyone who has even a remote connection to Battlefield Earth needs a good ass-kicking.
19 - susanna
I have never gotten the Tom Cruise thing, ever. Not that all of his movies bite, but that's more in spite of than because of. Great piece.
20 - Dawn
What is about strong women freaking people out?
He is gay, not that this is anything wrong with that. Really.
Losers.
21 - brian
I know for a fact that Tom Cruise picks his nose and then eats it.
So there...
22 - Cobalt
Tom Cruise appears to be one of those people who are famous for being famous. Not because they have gobs of talent, and charisma - just because lots of people have heard of them. I blame the hollywood publicity machine for turning hacks like Cruise into celebrities, in the same way I blame sleazy record promoters for turning crap bands like Nsync, (and whoever they dig up next week to replace them) into "popular" music stars. The scientology influence in hollywood probably helps a lot too - money and influence can grease a lot of wheels, and open a lot of doors. With enough of both, you don't really need talent.
23 - tex
tom cruise will be enigma to some people,how he got there in the first place.
24 - tim
Despite his shortcomings (no pun intended) I think Tom Cruise's success is a monument to the human spirit's ability to get somewhere in life. Its proof a 5'6" far from perfect being with a big nose and crooked teeth can make it despite the Hollywood stereotype. It's the guts that he has that make him attractive. Maybe you are an ass but Great Job, Tom. You give hope for the rest of us ulgy, determined short folk.
25 - go tom
Tim's right, so what if the guy comes off a bit too intense. The fact is that Tom Cruise is a champion, not only to short men, but to all humans because he shows us that no matter where we are in life, or how many obsticals there are against us, we can still succeed if we try our best!