Have too many children. Remember, eight is not enough—even octomom had six others in the wings. Now, who am I to judge how many is “too many”? Well, I’ll leave that up to you…I’m sure you’ll know when you’ve had too many kids (and when to stop). Won’t you?
Have a sleazy affair with a married, or otherwise “taken,” celebrity. Bombshell McGee is the cover girl for instant celebrity. Not only did she have the affair, she accepted $30K to tell her intimate secrets—which someone already knew or how else would the $30K offer have materialized—and insures her place in the rags by sniping at Chelsea Handler’s physical appearance. Need I mention the Tiger Woods harem?
Overdose on cosmetic surgery. Heidi Montag? C’mon, you’re kidding. Who is she? Apparently she “stars” in a television program, The Hills which strangely is not about her huge breast enhancements (hey, I’ve been wondering where to store my extra linens!), which has been cancelled. Do me a favor—don’t correct me if I’m wrong. Those with good memories and a sense of the obscure may remember a woman who made the afternoon talk show rounds who wanted to look like a Barbie doll, and had undergone a number of surgeries to produce the effect. Who was she? (Depending on where you live you might answer “Sarah Burge” or “Cindy Jackson.”) Unfortunately, no one was able to cut her height down to eleven inches, so she was doomed to failure. Heidi, this is your future: “Remember that blonde who had ten plastic surgeries in one day? WTH was her name?”
Become a doctor (okay, maybe that’s a harder one) and overprescribe medications to a celebrity. Remember Elvis and Dr. Nick? MJ and Dr. Murphy? Brittany Murphy and Dr. Kroop? The Corey Haim Seven (or is it twenty)? Heath Ledger and Dr. Parnassus—oops, that can’t be right!
Be a defense attorney. Okay, this requires a good sense of timing. You have to get through law school, set up a practice in a location boasting misbehaving, wealthy celebrities, and before anyone can say “Kardashian,” you’ll have your photo in all the papers. Important: the more sensational the crime, the better your chances of celebrity. If you're going for this one, think about who you'd like to play you in the movies (I'm thinkin' Angelina Jolie--no particular reason, I just like Angelina Jolie).
Article comments
1 - Nancy
Wow, I'm glad I don't have to do all that. I'd much prefer to have some integrity and self-respect. In fact, I'm happy to say I don't even know who most of the mentioned people are. Just living a quiet, happy life. Fame within my own circle is good enough for me.
2 - Free
You need two things.
Something that can be sold to the masses and the right producer stumbling over you.
To become a celebrity can be easy sometimes but looking at the over all suffering most celebrities have to endure makes me stay un-celeb. As with many other things, too little is bad and too much is bad.
3 - Lynn Voedisch
What I find so hilarious is that I'm standing in the grocery line and I don't know who half these people ARE. Who is this Heidi who had the nip 'n' tuck? Never heard of her. The fact that our sleazy ex-governor (impeached Rod Blagojevich) was on a Donald Trump show was bad enough. He should be doing time already! (I do like the fact that his team fired him for not doing any work.)
But I mean, I don't know who these idiots are, and if this is the best way they can get attention, the they are welcome to it.
4 - Tom Stroud
I don't know any of them either!!
Check out our hilarious attempts to make two guys celebrities in our new online comedy video, part of comedy website Sty TV.
Thanks all...