TAKE THE TEST: Are You a Racist?

Author: SharkPublished: Feb 17, 2004 at 7:14 pm 85 comments

Shark's Official Confederate Flag Test

Find out if you're a racist white person,
an overly sensitive black person,
or just a civil war fanatic who needs to get a life.

Complete the sentences below
by choosing the answer that best matches your opinion.

1) The Confederate Battle Flag is:

a) a symbol of racism, discrimination, slavery, and white supremist jerks.
b) a symbol of patriotic heroes who fought to defend their homes, families, and heritage against an invading army of white northern jerks.
c) merely a symbol, a piece of cloth that has no inherent meaning at all; it only pulls my chain if I allow it to.
d) an ugly design that my clashes with my decor.

2) I try not to stereotype anybody---especially:

a) toothless, cracker, gun-toting rednecks who wear camoflage jumpsuits, tell racist jokes while shooting squirrels and flying Confederate flags over their mobile homes.
b) hi-falutin', fast-talkin', left-wing liberal elitist Yankee carpetbaggers who manipulate blacks for their own commie, leftist artsy-fartsy East Coast One World political agendas.
c) nerdy, fat, virginal civil war buffs who study the history of one of America's most interesting, dramatic, and formative national experiences.

3) If a state-sanctioned Confederate battle flag is removed from public display, it should be for the following reason:

a) dry cleaning.
b) to wrap the coffin of Jesse Helms.
c) because it reminds most African-Americans of centuries of pain, torture, and slavery---and by golly, those people have had their share of collective abuse; we should respect their feelings and show a little compassion.
d) because the South lost a war a long time ago and America NEVER allows the vanquished to fly their old flag; winner's flag gets displayed; loser's flag goes in an attic somewhere until it's resurrected for "Antiques Roadshow"--- Sorry, but that's the rule: One Nation/One Flag. Get the fuck over it.

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  • 1 - HW Saxton Jr.

    Feb 17, 2004 at 11:49 pm

    Shark,This is an extremely funny post man,truly.
    With all the shenanigans that've been going down
    around here,I have to wonder how long it'll be
    before I'm tattoed "RACIST" for having a sense of
    humor and admitting how funny this really is....

  • 2 - Red

    Feb 17, 2004 at 11:59 pm

    I would have to agree that this made me chuckle. I think our culture is WAY too sensitive about race issues, and we should just lay off, seriously, stereotypes can be funny. But why is it racist to call blacks bad things but stereotyping rednecks isn't? I think I know the answer...

    Whatever, I don't have the answers to racism.

  • 3 - HW Saxton Jr.

    Feb 18, 2004 at 12:19 am

    Red,to answer your last question you may
    want to read "The Redneck Manifesto" by
    Jim Goad.He goes in depth as to why it's
    "OK" for the liberals to call poor white
    folks "White Trash" while at the same
    time it is not "OK" to further push the
    perpetuation of any other racial stereo-
    types.In Goads own humorous & highly
    confrontational way he tears apart the
    liberal fringe,exposing all of the ever
    so transparent racial hypocrisy.A funny
    and well written book that I could not
    recommend more......

  • 4 - Mac Diva

    Feb 18, 2004 at 2:02 am

    Jim Goad was the toast of the far Right for a while. He did their racist sneering (see examples in entry above) for them and they could say he was just speaking for the poor white working-class. Then, it all fell apart. He was convicted of aggravated assault on his girlfriend, and already a convicted felon, received a tougher than usual prison sentence. His wife, who had been his main means of support for years, divorced him. People began to look more closely at the things he had written and (surprise!) discovered they were not only awful writing, but racist and sexist and often supported violence. Jim Goad lives out here. The last I heard he was homeless and drinking heavily. Saxton, brain stuck in about 1950, probably hasn't heard this old news. It is my pleasure to provide it gratis. Now you may return to '"Let Us Praise Racism Because It Is a Fun Thing."

  • 5 - Chris Kent

    Feb 18, 2004 at 3:23 am

    LOL......Shark, it took a lot of creative ingenuity to create this blog. I laughed wholeheartedly throughout. If anything, at least new generations of folks will be introduced to "Sounder."

  • 6 - Shark

    Feb 18, 2004 at 4:04 am

    Chris, Sax, Red, I appreciate the kind words. Nothing makes me happier than to make people laugh.

    But yall didn't post your scores. hmm.

    Saxton wondered: "...how long it'll be before I'm tattoed "RACIST" for having a sense of humor and admitting how funny this really is..."

    Well, H.W., it took MacAttack exactly 2 hours and 3 minutes to crank up her electric needle and start calling people names.

    But what a sense of humor, eh?

  • 7 - Tom

    Feb 18, 2004 at 9:02 am

    "Hooray for the bonnie blue flag which bears the single star."


  • 8 - Dawn

    Feb 18, 2004 at 9:42 am

    I have no issues stereotyping a redneck piece of trash, no problem at all. I have been around them far too many times to count and few groups, other than maybe NAMBLA members, deserve to be reviled more.

    But there is a HUGE difference between stereotyping a person based on behavior, like that of a redneck. Hell a redneck could be of any racial background. But to say "bad things" about blacks in general, well that is the essence of racism.

    While I loathe the bullshit that has gone on in the comments around here and the namecalling where it isn't deserved, making fun of racism isn't acceptable in any way.

    If you have a problem with an individual, black, white or otherwise, then take it up with the individual, but your "problem" should be irregardless to their race. One person's actions do not speak for the entire race as whole otherwise, and if it does in your mind, you would in fact be a racist.

  • 9 - Shark

    Feb 18, 2004 at 10:50 am

    Huh?

    Who be "you"?

    Who's making fun of racism?

    Please to clarify.

  • 10 - Dawn

    Feb 18, 2004 at 11:00 am

    Just putting it out there, not pointing to anyone in particular, unless of course that "you" applies to you.

  • 11 - Shark

    Feb 18, 2004 at 11:12 am

    Cool. (whew!)

    ...'cause you know how I hate having to explain my satire.

    (actually hoping some intellectual deconstructionist will come along and do it for me)

  • 12 - Mark Saleski

    Feb 18, 2004 at 11:16 am

    can someone 'splain "deconstruction" for me?

    every time i pick up a book on it (and it's evil twin subject, "Semiotics") i just get a headache and walk away feeling like i'm stupid.

  • 13 - TDavid

    Feb 18, 2004 at 11:36 am

    Shark - I don't find your satire all that humorous, but as a fellow victim of that certain same person that strangely enough Dawn is sort of sticking up for as she now switches into peacekeeper mode, I totally emphathize with your position.

    Dawn reacted harshly -- and rightfully so -- to Eric being called a coward, but when the rest of us have been badgered literally for months with equally unfounded names and allegations (I think being labelled a racist is worse than being labelled a "coward" but then they both certainly suck) she stayed out of the fray.

    With her position being now that "ok, get over it, move on" sort of rings a bit hollow to me for her normal take no prisoners writing personality. However, I can also see Dawn's point on the not ganging up on someone aspect. Though that someone draws an awful lot of the fire upon herself.

    I do hope perspective is not lost on this situation in hindsight though.

    I like you, Dawn. We agreed in the past on capital punishment for child molesters, we disagreed on Pete Rose, and I think on this one we sort of are running up the middle. (sniff sniff) you did somehow miss/skip/ignore my request to be in your group in your rant thread, which stung a bit (and then Eric also missed/skipped my comment about some business-related issues in the thread he started about the new policy -- comment #35, BTW, if he sees this). Let's say that's what, a .333 batting average?

    I do see you working, though, as the peacekeeper, I just hope you hang around and provide the same sort of vocal commentary and support when the flak comes from the opposite direction, because if history repeats itself I'm 99.9% certain we'll see plenty more unfounded attacks and namecalling from a certain "ganged up on" individual. Her nine lives are up, IMO. It's time to either enter some level civility, debate folks with some tact and professionalism, or hit the bricks.

    Also, I understand marital bias because I'd tear up anybody that got on my spouse's case.

  • 14 - JR

    Feb 18, 2004 at 12:10 pm

    57

    I might have scored higher if I had ever watched "Dukes of Hazzard".

  • 15 - Shark

    Feb 18, 2004 at 12:40 pm

    TDavid: "Shark - I don't find your satire all that humorous...

    Well, then, that means the rest of your post should be completely disregarded on the grounds that you're an idiot.

  • 16 - Shark

    Feb 18, 2004 at 12:42 pm

    Just kiddin' , TD.

    But that was MORE of my humorous (or humorless) satire.

    Actually, you're not alone. I haven't found many people on BC who think I'm funny.

    As to Dawn, etc- I understand the role of peacemaker. Sometimes a bloodbath isn't fun to watch.

  • 17 - Shark

    Feb 18, 2004 at 1:00 pm

    re: Liking people on BC, the ad hoc alliances that form, agreeing / disagreeing, personalities, etc, etc, etc.

    99% of the time, I don't give a shit WHO'S WHO. It's dots on a screen, words in the ether. I rarely even look at the name unless I think the post is especially good or bad.

    Participants have to understand that it's PURE words, ie. ideas that we're dealing with here. If a person is smart, articulate, a good writer, a decent debater, that person will always have the advantage over a motard with a pecker and a keyboard.

    The motard usually resorts to name-calling in order to compensate for frustration and fuzzy thinking.

    But the worst 'types' are the people who THINK they are smart, articulate, good writers, decent debaters---and have some massive inferiority complex that they try to compensate by typing and posting. Sorta the writer's version of the 5'2" neanderthal male who goes online as a 6'4" Greek god. In your fantasy, baby, keep typin'.

    But writing is writing; thinking is thinking. One can't hide one's ignorance in the realm of words. It's eventually (always) gonna show through.

    Or as Theodore Sturgeon once said, "90% of everything is crap."


  • 18 - HW Saxton Jr

    Feb 18, 2004 at 1:03 pm

    Shark,
    1)Score:43
    2)I'm surprised it wasn't sooner.
    3)What a sense of humor indeed.

  • 19 - Dawn

    Feb 18, 2004 at 1:34 pm

    TD et al,

    Here's my insight on the matter. I do tend to stay out of the fray as I find it mostly tiring and kind of pointless, all this in-house bickering, but I chose to get involved because I was really disturbed and upset by how down Eric had become with the whole drama.

    He has defended me against some internet monsters and I felt moved to do the same.

    While I do not consider Mac Diva a monster, I think her total bashing of Eric was just fucking ridiculous, and as Natalie stated, "over the line".

    I haven't witnessed her bashing everyone else who has a beef with her, except Al, who sometimes instigates it.

    In my opinion, I have yet to see any real evidence of ANYONE who is a Blogcritic being an overt racist, or even a covert racist.

    What I see is an easy target: Mac Diva dragging herself into squabbles and also being dragged into squabbles.

    I was harsh in my defense of Eric, but I didn't want that to be seen as a window of opportunity to destroy her as a human being, and a contributor (sometimes a very good one at that) to this site.

    So I hereby say, Mac, stop attacking everyone as it makes you seem unbalanced.

    To everyone else, stop being so easily riled up and ignore attacks you know are false.

    "I am not a racist, period." would be enough declaration for me.

    Does that make sense?

  • 20 - Chris Kent

    Feb 18, 2004 at 2:24 pm

    Give me a break guys and girls.....Mac Diva's assaults are hilarious and enliven Blogcritics, to say the least. To her, we are just asteroids waiting to be blasted (*cues beep, beep noise*).......Take it all with a grain of salt, argue back, and have fun for Christ sakes......

    Shark put a lot of time into this creative blog and it's funny as hell. Doesn't mean I am racist anymore than it means Shark is. I think his blog says quite a few things in general - read between the lines and get off the pedastal.

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