Take That, Stephen Colbert! Jameson Delivers, Part Two - Page 4

Part of: Mark My Words

[Okay, enough Mr. Nice Guy. Let's get to the important stuff before I lose what few readers I may have snookered.]

You remember how red wine sales went up when they found it does all sorts of wonderful things for you? We need the same shtick for Jameson. Have you guys done any studies to see if there are health benefits associated with drinking massive quantities of your product?

Not that I know of, but that’s not my area of expertise. I can check into it and let you know, because that’s an interesting area.

(Come on, Frankie, it's not like I just fell off the public relations rutabaga truck. I've used that trick thousands of time. So has Sarah Palin for god's sake.)

Here's another option. It's a lot cheaper. I could just make up health studies that claim that drinking Jameson not only improves your heart, liver, and brain functions, but it makes you a kinder, gentler person. Best of all, it grows hair on bald heads. Then I could promote that.

[Now this is a nervous laugh.] Well, you know, well, that’s your choice, I can’t support or deny that because I don’t know…

You don’t want to go to jail?

I really want to keep my job because I do love it.

So you’re not a big risk taker when it comes to completely fabricated health studies?

I really love my job [Ah ha! I'm getting to her, I can tell. She's starting to repeat herself. Obviously there was no media training for this line of inquiry.] So there are certain things I won’t do unless I know for sure.

[Time to turn to something that'll ease her tension. So I ask her about her job.]

The second week on the job, I went to Ireland for the launch of Jameson Rarest Vintage Reserve.

Jameson Rarest Vintage Reserve? I’ve never even heard of it.

Ah… it is the pinnacle of Jameson. It’s a new brand that we launched earlier in the year. Our four master distillers took the rarest spirits that we have and created this beautiful, beautiful tasting blend.

How does it compare to Midleton? [What's going on here? I thought I'd scored a coup with them sending me all that booze, but they were holding out on me.]

It has a different taste profile. Midleton is a combination of our master distillers' favorite blends and spirits, while the Reserve has our finest and oldest whiskeys in it, they’re between 19 and 24 years old.

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Article Author: Mark Schannon

Crisis/risk/issues management and communications and PR consultant, free-lance writer, aspiring pundit and author. Blogcritics.org asst. ed, politics. Wanted to set world on fire, but bride won't let me play with matches, so I'm counting on upcoming, …

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