Oh, you think there are curative properties for Jameson?
You don’t?
[Whoa. I hear something knocking on my door. Could it be opportunity... like a new way to promote the brand? Wait a minute. I'll check. Rats, it was someone trying to get me to sign some stupid petition to save a moose that Sarah Palin shot. Like that's my problem.]
I know that Jameson tastes great.
Hey, Frankie, apple juice tastes great. Cherries taste great. Even beets, cooked correctly, taste great. That’s not one of your better promotional slogans: Jameson Tastes Great. Face it, lots of things taste great.
So how did you discover a taste for Jameson? [Note how cleverly she changes the subject. This woman is a master of managing interviews.]
Many years ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I went to a friend's house, and they gave me a taste. Truth be told, it's similar to how marijuana leads to heroin — it was that kind of thing. One taste and I was hooked, absolutely shackled. It satisfies that primal need for exactly the right blend of herbs and spices — whatever the hell goes in it — that the cave man in us requires, or the cave woman as the case might be. [Okay, let's see how good she really is.] You know, I've tried other Irish whiskeys, and I've got a question. Why does Jameson taste better than Bushmills?
I like Jameson for the taste. It’s really smooth, the triple distillation process, the quality that Irish distillers and blenders ensure in every step of the process, and the ingredients. Jameson really controls the process from grain to glass every step of the way.
So you're saying that the Bushmills people are sloppy?
I’m not saying that. I’m saying that the Jameson people are working off a recipe that John Jameson created back in 1780, and they've stayed true to that. I don’t say anything about anything except Jameson because that’s what I know.
So you won’t get into a discussion of why Jameson is better… a direct comparison with other Irish whiskeys?
No, that’s not my thing. You can draw your own comparisons.
You know, a lack of confrontation makes for lousy copy.
[Laughing... nervously perhaps?] We’re just talking among friends here. [Friends? Yeah, all my Internet friends.]
Oh no, this is going on Blogcritics and my blog, and I’m going to promote the hell out of it all over the Internet to all 23 of my faithful readers.
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