Surreality, Gumption, and Happiness in the Philippines - Page 2

Much of the way is lighted by fifty-foot billboards (one such billboard is thirty stories high on the side of a skyscraper (I counted)). The models on the billboards are, by modern-day American standards, impossibly svelte — but thanks to the lifestyle and diet, here in Asia such are often the norm rather than the exception among the teens and twenty-somethings, which is precisely the demographic the majority of the billboards seem to target i.e. 'Guess', 'Bench', 'The Gap' and the like.

I don't get to see all the billboards — Johnny T. seems to be having entirely too much fun as he plays sideways chicken with commuter buses, tour buses, the ubiquitous jeepneys, and other taxis, threading vehicular needles at ballistic speeds, and when I look at him I don't think his heart rate ever exceeds that of a somnolent librarian.

After about forty-five minutes of motorized malevolence courtesy of Johnny Look-Ma-No-Hands, we've had enough. We have him drop us by a mall about fifteen minutes from our house - we're not eager for this kid to know where we live (he might bring unsavory friends) - and we ask him how much the fare is. He says "Bahala na kayo po, kasi walang meter na ako" - which roughly translates to "Whatever you think is best, because I didn't start the meter."

In other words, the kid's gambling once more — this time on our naivete since my whiteness is natural and not due solely to his driving, and my wife's accent after close to thirty years in the States marks her as obviously no longer local. Johnny thinks that we'll pay him more than what we would have had he used his meter...and if I were the only one in the car, he'd be right. But I'm not the only one in the car. My wife is the one who handles the money, and for good reason. There's an old military saying - "Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way!" That's my wife with finances — I learned long ago to sit back and keep my mouth shut. We Americans are largely clueless when it comes to bargaining, haggling over prices, but most Asians have made it a form of High Art. When I see my wife begin to bargain stateside, I have to cover my mouth and walk away, hiding my laughter because it'll ruin everything, and watch from a distance as she slices, dices, and makes julienne fries of the normal American business modus operandi. I'm telling you, watching her at work is a thing of beauty...and she smiles sweetly as she begins bargaining, not because she's being nice or kind, but because she knows she will get precisely what she wants. She and I are always quite serious about playing fair (financially or otherwise), not just by the letter but by the spirit of the law — it's a religious thing — but she leaves victims of her fiduciary scorched-earth aggression like flotsam and jetsam strewn along the byway. If she were a guy, you'd hear clang-clang-clang as she walked — the guys reading this will know what it means....

Article Author: Glenn Contrarian

White.
Male.
Retired Navy.
Raised in the Deepest of the Deep South.

Proud Liberal.

Thus, 'contrarian'!

Visit Glenn Contrarian's author page — Glenn Contrarian's Blog