Only after an ensuing commotion of some of the wait staff did I realize who the gentleman in the baseball hat and shorts was. This is because I finally finished my soup orgasm and looked up.
It was Steven Freaking Spielberg!
I kept my cool, but just to make sure, I took the scenic route back from my potty break and glanced over his shoulder to find him working. I own a business, so I’m familiar with copy paper. I know how many pages are in three-quarters of an inch of paper, and I’m writing a book, which just eclipsed the 75-page and 30K mark, so I know what a manuscript looks like.
I maintained a wonderfully blasé attitude within the restaurant. I didn’t trip over his table or take pictures of him with my cell phone. I know how to act graciously and not like a celebrity-struck goon, even though I don’t get much of a chance to refine a look of disinterest.
In the Podunk Rust Belt that is my city, celebrities are few and far between. One time I saw Dr. Kervorkian at our local farmers’ market. Another time we dined next to Geoffrey Fieger. Who’s he, you ask? Well, he’s only the brother of Doug Fieger of the Knack (“My Sherona”). Oh, yeah, and the one-time attorney for Dr. Kervorkian (yeah, I know; I’m lame).
Only after we retrieved our Hyundai from the valet, locked the doors, and headed down the PCH did both my daughter and I squeal at the same time, “Steven Freaking Spielberg!” After we calmed down, I started thinking about SFS (Steven Freaking Spielberg). What the heck was he doing there at that restaurant? Was he working on script?
It’s a pretty sure bet he wasn’t thinking about Orlando Bloom. The only person thinking about Orlando is Wanda Rizzuto, and that’s only by judging her satire. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Although he’s eye candy for some and a constant source of fascination for Wanda, Orlando Bloom does absolutely nothing for me. Still, I have to feel a little sorry for the rat-faced and slightly fey actor (I mean that in the nicest way, Wanda) who has been perched on the cusp of a really big break for such a long time.
Article comments
1 - Wanda Rizzuto
I thought you were going to say that you ran into Orlando in the parking lot. I have to climb down from the ceiling now.
Maybe he'll call you now that you've taken such an interest in his career. I don't think I'll hear from him any time soon, not after my Hong Kong Phooey post. At least I didn't call him a rat face though.
(BTW, this came to me via Google alert. Thanks for the plug!)
2 - Joanne Huspek
You're more than welcome, Wanda. In the last couple of days since writing this, I have come to several conclusions.
1. I would trade an audience with SFS, Orlando, Brangelina and the Pope for the lunch I had the other day. My taste buds are still craving that soup.
2. I was hoping SFS would read my pitiful tale of woe and get in touch with me. Not that I'd pitch him my novel, but my brain has a couple thousand other weird ideas in it. Does an internet ship of fools strike a chord? Not that I'd sell him any of my ideas, but with a child considering Pepperdine, it's worth the shout out.
3. The other thing I was hoping for was that Orly would finally notice you.
3 - diva
Joanne, you couldn't fall off your heels at the right moment? I like your chances of being discovered by SFS better than I do Orly's. . .
4 - Wanda Rizzuto
Orly wouldn't notice me if I set my hair on fire and put it on YouTube.