Somewhere along the way I turned into a stereotype. I’m not exactly sure when this happened; I just know it did. Sadly, I have become the stereotypical, middle-aged, fat woman who can’t dance.This epiphany came about a week ago. I blame the entire sordid mess on a trendy exercise thing sweeping my community called Zumba. Go ahead and call me a Zumba hata, and don’t bother me with Zumba-ish success stories or testimonials on how many inches of belly fat just melted away because you cha-cha-cha-ed to the Zumba god. It’s all beginning to sound rather cultish to me.My week started rather innocently enough. My exercise instructor, who I have known for several years and considered to be a friend, landed a Monday night Zumba teaching gig. I put on my cleanest exercise attire and drove the eight miles to attend her first class to support her.About a half dozen other would-be Zumba neophytes showed up, but all that shaking, rattling, and rolling didn’t bode well for a middle-aged fat woman with back issues. No siree, Missy. I can blame some of my failure on a slipped disc, but I can’t really explain why some of the Zumba-ites can make their behinds jiggle one way while their upper torsos glide in the opposite direction. I swear it’s as if they were channeling Shakira herself.
Nor can I explain why I travel to the right when everyone else jingle jangles to the left, or why my body heaves forward when everyone else hippity-hops backwards. Hails bails, it spins my head right ‘round. Forget about the Dove Self Esteem Fund for teen girls. How about a little Dove Love for non-dancing stereotypes like me?What makes this entire realization even more painful is that I have actually taken dance lessons before - ballet, jazz and tap. In fact, I still have my tap shoes to prove it, and in a box stashed somewhere in my house is a VCR tape of a dance recital. I know it’s all rather hard to believe.When I whined about this Zumba debacle to my lunch buddy, she leaned forward just a bit and in a whispering voice (apparently intended to soften the blow), stated rather matter-of-factly, “Carol, perhaps you never could really dance to begin with.”My angst was compounded the next day when my exercise instructor announced she was abandoning our little independent exercise group to teach classes at the Zumba studio. “It’s not about the money,” she said.Yeah, right. I think she was going to start with the Can’t-We-Still-Be-Friends speech, but I left. I just didn’t have the stomach for it. Or, in my case, I guess I have too much stomach for it.So now I have to find another place, but this time, I won’t make the same mistake of trying to build friendships and muscles at the same time. Lesson learned.I’m fairly confident I can find a suitable place to work off those extra pounds. Now if I can only figure out a way to shed the stereotype as well.
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Article comments
1 - fiona
You took one class and abandoned it? I've always had 2 left feet (and I'm older than you!). Just go at your own pace, learn the moves - it took me three classes to even get close! Nobody is looking at you, nobody is competing, just get with the music. Try again - even just moving to music will help your fitness.
Try yoga classes in between - the stretching will feel good. Don't give up!
2 - carolyn banks
Fiona, you were supposed to LAUGH, not lecture!
3 - Fabi
..well, I guess, I missed the joke as well. =( I felt sad that your got turn-off after your 1st class. I grew up thinking I had two left feet. And was a "closet dancer". It took me several classes to not feel spastic! lol. ..and to accept that no one was watching me. I would recommend ZUMBA GOLD it's a great workout for beginners. Best of luck. *smiles~Fabi*
4 - lyna
Hello ladies (and gentlemen for that matter!!)
I am a Zumba instructor in the UK and can understand how you can feel this way!! IT'S NORMAL!! Like any work out, you need to get used to it, from the fastest to the slowest of all ( I would not inflict on you my story about my Yoga trial!! Let's just say that my body was saying:" NO you are not putting me in that position missy!!" LOL)
Zumba is the same, you need to get used to the music specially if you are not familiar with latin rythms, then the choreography (I am from a dancing background and still needed few sessions) . Your muscles need to get used to the moves. Who cares if you're getting it the first time or if you're looking cool??? NO ONE!! Contrary to gyms ... So you go the wrong way?? you might be lucky and find yourself smiling at the lovely lady or man next to you!! You need to go at your own rythm as long as you are pushing YOUR LIMITS, noone else's. Bottom line: just enjoy yourself and in no time you'll find yourself smiling and sweating like no tomorrow!! Oops forgot: zumba might have some side effects. It creates a larger circle of friends and is highly addictive. To be used without caution (unless you have a medical condition, like all other fitness activities)
5 - Carol Richtsmeier
I really appreciate all the comments… I guess the unsettling part about Zumba to those of us non-Zumba-ites is the lack of "instruction." Instructors just point as if you are suppose to know what to do. So, you guys keep cha-cha-cha-ing! And me? Well, give me a good kickboxing class. Who knew hitting things could be so much fun!
6 - Kin
The article seems more like an exercise in creative writing than a legitimate critique of Zumba, but I find it odd that someone with a slipped disc could manage kickboxing. Or, was that also an attempt at humor?
7 - girl can sing
Carol,
I have heard so much about this Zumba but never took a class. They do offer it at my gym however, I've been told from friends it's very boring. If you live in the Los Angeles area, there is a class called "Dance With Me" taught by Billy Blanks Jr. and his wife sharon. Whereas Zumba is mainly salsa type dances, they do everything from Country dancing to Bollywood and we have even learned actual choreography from "Chicago", Janet Jackson and Paula Abdul dances. The Class is a mix of high cardio and dance so it stays interesting and it's been proven to burn up to 1000 calories per class. I've seen people come to class ages 10 to 80 and they keep coming back. You will never see clicks forming like other classes or bad attitudes because they don't allow it. Billy and Sharon are starting to certify teacher all over the US for 24 hour fitness clubs and they will be coming out w/ DVDS at end of the year. I'm not a trained dancer but after taking this class for about 7 month now, 3 times a week. I've lost 30 Lbs and have more flexibility than I did taking Bikram Yoga. Don't give up. Find something you like to do so that you stick with it. There model is, they are not changing our bodies for summer or wedding. but for life.
8 - Susana
I'd also agree with most of the comments about giving Zumba a chance. You won't get it the first time, but hey, if you don't enjoy it... then don't force it. It's supposed to be a way to make you feel better and have fun, and if it's not for you, then it's not for you. I'm an instructor but also understand that it's not for everyone. On another note, I would say not to lose your friendship with her just based on the fact that she found something that she loves, or gets paid more to do... You can't be conditional about your friendship. If you lost friends every time you made a positive change, or neutral change in your life that fulfills you, then they aren't your real friends and you probably don't need them. Don't be that way to her, show your appreciatiaion for the time that she did share with you. She moved on, it's life... to each it's own. Show love and support on her new endeavours, if it doesn't benefit you and you walk away then you're showing you were just being opportunistic.
9 - Kristy
I love Zumba, I dislocated my knee and tore 3 ligaments back in April, here 7 months later I am able to particpate in Zumba classes. And it took me several sessions before I was able to pick it up and flow with the group however I stuck with it and have caught on. Thankfully I have a total of 10.5 lbs and have only been to 6 one hour classes. Whatever you do dont give up, find something you like and stick with it!
10 - Amy
If you don't find instruction in your classes, get the dvd's. No one is going to watch you while you jiggle away at home. But I'm also one for mixing it up. I would love to get my hands on choreography from Chicago. How awesome would that be. Alas, I cant' take a class.
11 - Kdnytransplant2008
Hi,
i am 48 years old. After having a transplant 3 years ago, i have gained 85 lbs. I have been going to zumba for 8 months now. I am still trying to get moves down, but having a blast and losing inches sometimes doing my own thing...Don't give up on Zumba.
12 - Christina
Carol, your intuitions are so correct - Zumba could be considered cultish and as crazy as that may seem, I know this firsthand. Many marriages of my girl and guy friends, including my own have be a victim of "Zumba culture" and Beto is living proof of this. It's disgusting what Zumba has done to people, it's all about ego, greed and selfishness based around "fitness." I can assure you, you are not missing anything and the people that defend it are blind.
13 - Andrew
Zumba is about disguising fitness within the dance. Its just a more accessible way to keep slim, if that help just one person change their life then what's wrong with that.
14 - kid taxi
hello im 33 and have always had trouble with my weight. i found that i get very bored with the latin zumba, however i did some looking around and found on youtube "zumba dance fitness" , there are alot of new fast paced hip hop zumba dances and i love it. my 15 yr old daughter does it with me. we look and feel so much better. ive lost 43 pds. in 4 months. this sure does beat sitting on the couch watching tv or complaining bout your weight and not doing anything about it.