Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert is perhaps the most successful self-promoter in the history of the human race. All others are but pale copies of his masterful manipulation of the cosmic realm.
When he wanted to run for president, he got Doritos to fund his campaign; likewise, Doritos footed the bill when he wanted to spend a week in Pennsylvania during the Democratic primary. All Colbert had to do was munch Doritos on his set for a few days. If Doritos hadn’t been in the tank for him, they could have demanded he appear on stage covered in chips tastefully pasted all over his body with scantily clad men and women artfully pulling one after another off and eating them. Now that would have been a reasonable trade-off.
He whined for a year to get an Apple iPhone… and they finally gave him one. His DNA is in space, he’s got a spider, an eagle, a worm, a lethal virus, a terrorist group (Colbert’s Commies), and the Dalai Lama’s first kid named for him. He even had his picture hung in the National Portrait Gallery in Washington D.C.
I don’t know what he promised Marvel Comics, but they’ve become enslaved by the Colbert hypnotic gaze. Those who thought his presidential campaign dead might be surprised to find that Spider-Man thinks it’s alive and well.
In the Amazing Spider-Man #573, “Spider-Man & Stephen Colbert Team Up,” comes the line, "I might be wrong, but I don't believe Spider-Man's really into endorsing anyone for the White House," stated Peter Parker. "It shouldn't matter what Spidey thinks of the guy; it's up to the public to decide if Colbert can handle all the great power and responsibility that being President entails."
And for those of you who think Obama really won the election, here’s Marvel’s take on it: