I have to make a confession. I am addicted to this really silly program on television that I watch every day, and since I am looking for a job, I happen to be home most mornings. Before, when I was working fulltime, I didn’t know this program existed. Now, I have to confess, I am hooked. I take an hour between ten and eleven am and watch this absurd program called “Starting Over” about a bunch of women who all live in this group sort of half-way house with “life coaches” who all have weird names like Ilyana etc. and who work through their problems in a step by step basis. Each woman arrives at the house with her baggage, both emotional and otherwise, with the hope that they will go thorugh some kind of healing or recovery process in group and individual therapy with these other women and they will literally “start over.” That the problems or problem that they arrive with will be left behind and they will have a chance of doing it all over again. How wonderful that sounds to me – I think I watch because although I could never be on televison (too shy, too private in some ways), I too want to start over, though I’m not exactly sure of what it is I want to start over, only that I want, as we used to say, “a do over.”
The premise in more detail is this: each woman has a specific problem. She shows up, by limousine, as this lovely house in California high on a hill, and lives with these other women at the “Starting Over House” where each women is given a series of steps they must complete to overcoming her specific problem and if she completes the steps properly and overcomes her specific obstacle and reaches a very specific goal. After completing each step successfully, said woman will “graduate” and win this weird gold statuette (I confess, I covet one of these statuettes. I want to start over.
Each day there is group therapy where all sorts of things ensue, catty fights, lots of tears, stories told about specific hurts etc. and after that, there are individual sessions and tasks that each woman must complete on her journey to self-awareness and overcoming her problem. A lot of it reminds me of kindergarten – of playing with messy paints and making paper mache and cut outs of things, except in this case, they all have problems written on the little piece of paper and the like. So whatever your problem or problems, you will write them out and literally carry them with you for sometime until you defeat each one by one.
Article comments
1 - angel
i also watch the show and sometimes wish that i could find something in my life that would warrent coming on this show. what problem in my life could i have a need to make the journey of starting over. i am actually blessed with a man i married to be the absolute love of my life. sometimes i question why he loves me sooo much. i'm not the most beautiful woman, but i feel i have a heart of gold that shines that he draws to that. we have both have not had the best childhood, but hasn't most everyone. what's nice is that we've talked about alot of it. we've shared the pain and hardships, and decided to share our lives making our lives better. so again i ask myself what could my past life possible contribute to the show and how could i possible grow from this experience. well i know about sharing my experience, strenght, and hope from being apart of the AA family. without mentioning my affilation with that program, i am absolutely gratiful that i was a willing partipant and receiver of such a wonderful steps to managing my life. i realize & use all that was shared. i still think about the tools that were given to me thru the many meetings i've attended how to use them in my life and still do, but when i watch the show i actully miss the meetings, the sharing, and the friendships. it saddens me. i know that i have relationships that 1 need to be mended, 2 need better communication, & 3 i really don't share my true feelings. i was thinking today that as an adult we really don't share our true honest feelings--is it because we're afraid that what we have to say might hurt the others feelings. is it because the truth might make them look at themselves. in the past when i've confronted anyone with gossip or such they seem to try to defend themselves to justify what was said instead of accepting responsibility and than deal with what's at hand. when i was a kid if i told my friend "you hurt my feelings", if they really liked me, they would want to solve the problem and than move on. sometimes as an adult people just try to not deal with the issues they with each other, talk to other people about, and when confronted about it they try to cloud it with someone else's comments to make themselves feel better about what everyone involved knows what was said. sometimes i hate being an adult. but back to why i urn to be apart of the starting house is to be apart of a group that shares all to gain the experience, strength, and hope that my life is wonderful as i grow desirring. with that said we all share a common goal that i'm not the only one that feels this way.. i just want to be happy, and damn i deserve it.... thanks for listening
2 - sade
well, angel~ a lot of what you say is just universally true; as for your own ordeals, you will work them out if you want too and yes, with honesty and with love as you so astutely noted...
things can change... you just need to make them change and not wait for them to change.
you seem like a person who makes things happen and doesn't wait... so just be that person.
yes, it would be nice if we coud all be more honest with eachother but sadly, that's nto always the case... there's too much shit behind the back which sucks but that's the way things are sometimes... but you're doing well...
keep doing what you are doing and you will be fine it sounds and you have the suppport of a good man.
childhood is over ~ don't let it hold you back now.
best to you,
sadi
3 - margaret ammon
Starting Over House is awesome! I have spent decades of my life trying to get the damage from a troubled childhood undone. I have been disapointed over and over again in my attempts to get professional help. I have always come away with the sinking feeling that they were apallingly inept. I have had a persistent vision that something just like the Starting Over House would be something that would really work. Yes! Yes! Yes! Coaching is what I had really wanted all along, not therapy. Coaching! A hands-on "Here"s how you do it". Yeah, I'm ready to pack my bags right now. Are you still continuing the show? At the same time, I would be terrified of the whole thing. Oh well. The possibility is so remote, and yet I've got to. There must be more of this going on in the community. Life caoching really is aimed at getting results and what else is gonna work? Please, please do not discontinue the show. It is saving my life. I have always had an inkling that something like this would work. margaret ammon
4 - joanie
I also love watching starting over. I use to watch it on TLC but they didn't pick it up for this season and the NBC affiliate that did I don't recieve in my area. I was really bummed.
5 - C. Smart
Dear Ms. Ranson-Polizzotti
For the most part, I enjoyed your article on Starting Over. I must say however, that I do not personally find the show to be, as you put it, "really silly" or "absurd". You sound like a pretty intelligent person and I am curious as to why you find the show, which helps hundreds, if not thousands of people, learn new ways to deal with their own personal issues, so "silly". I dare say, there are far more shows on t.v. that do little or nothing for the human psyche, and that if this "absurd" show helps even just a handful of people out there, it is doing more than a lot of other programs.
As far as the life coaches on the show go, they are two of the most caring, generous, intelligent and all-around wonderful women I have ever met in my life. Iyanla Van Zant has published 12 self-help books, earned a law deree from Queens's University, worked in the Philadelphia public defender's office, is an ordained minister, has won countless awards for her work with women, and is a nationally-recognized inspiational speaker. She deserves a lot of respect, regardless of her "wierd name".
Rhonda Britten is the founder of the Fearless Living Institute (FLI), author of the national bestsellers Change Your Life in 30 Days, Fearless Loving and Fearless Living, a sought-after speaker, a master life and career coach, and a talented and insightful leader in the human potential movement.
You have the right to call Starting Over whatever you wish. Be it, silly and absurd, having coaches with weird names, etc...but I offer you this; my life has changed dramatically, (for the better), since this show has come to air. I am a 28-year-old newly married man, learning to cope with the mental, physical, and verbal abuse I suffered at the hands of my now estranged parents for 17 years . This show has taught me many things about myself, as well as better ways to deal with my anger and resentment issues, opposition to authority and so on... So, (not to beat this issue over the head), but I just think it is just a little unfair to judge a person by their name and to tag a show as "silly" and "absurd", when it seems to be helping a number of people.
Thanks for reading,
C.Smart
Ontario, Canada
6 - sadi polizzotti
dear c. smart:
You are right; in the beginning i did write "silly" and "absurd" but mostly out of the sense that so many would find it absurd that i would watch this program - this likely is due to some fault of my own personality that has too much to do with what other people think and i'm actually glad you have called me on this.
If you read carefully, i also said that i too wanted to be in the house for all that it had to offer. I wanted the house "group hug" as i put it and i wanted one of those life coaches to help me out as well.
Believe me, my life has been no cake-walk. I've managed epilepsy, cancer, and more than a bit of other issues that have no place in this article but suffice to say they were serious and merited a great deal of help from others, including a professional and a handful of other things ~ i can totally empathize with all that you have been through (truly), having been in an abusive relationship myself (physical) when i was younger and impressionable, i found myself in the clutches of a real mad-man who needless to say left me broken like a babybird in need of help. So... i've revealed a great deal more about myself than ever intended only to let you know that i do know where you are coming from.
That said, let me tell you then that after much reflection, i can honestly say that it is hypocritical of me to have said both that the programme helped me and that it also was "absurd"...one cannot need something absurd that would be beneficial.
I hope this clears up any previous comments on my part in the article and now i've come clean.
Hope to hear from you and thanks for the comprehensive background stories - i foudn them most interesting. If anything, i'd be a great candidate for the Starting Over house... that should say it all.
Be well, and thanks for listening,
Sadi R-P.
7 - C. Smart
Dear Sadi,
Thank-you for responding, and sorry it has taken me so long to respond back.
With regards to your last post, what else can I say but wow! I can honestly say I wasn't expecting a response like that. Especially after I was kind of calling you out in my first post. It takes a really confident, secure and intelligent person to respond the way you did. To admit you were a bit hypocritical is not something most people (including myself) can do easily, if for some at all. I admire the you for that.
It is unfortunate that you too have suffered a lot of pain throughout your life, but I must admit it helps me to know that I am not alone. It does however, sound to me like you have gone through a lot and yet persevered through it all, and that say a lot about you. People like us have had a pretty crappy (for lack of a better term) life, and sometimes feel as though we need a place like the Starting Over house to heal our wounds. But, I think with strong support from our friends and loved ones, we can make it through anything!
Take care, and thanks for listening
C.Smart
Ontario, Canada
(P.S. - You will go down in history as the first person I have ever "blogged" with (is that the right way to say it?).
8 - sadi ranson-polizzotti
Dear C.Smart:
Many thanks for your kind response and for everything you've said. I think after going through some of what i've been through, it's hard not to see the light at some point. Truth to tell, i could probably use some time in the Starting Over house, but couldn't leave my husband for that long (he'd be supportive, but i wouldn't want to, that's more to the point.) My things are mostly health and can be worked out and watching the program i vicariously work them out through some of the characters, particularly one of the cancer patient characters with whom i can completely identify.
As you say, these things are hard and yes, it's difficult to admit when we are wrong or hypocritical but it's also important and something worth doing so that we can grow and change and learn... hopefully, i pray i do that everyday.
my best to you,
s.r.p.
9 - mary
i also watch this program and think it is wonderful. i have learned a lot from watching.
i do have problems that might be solved by going on the show but i dont want to air my dirty laundry. but i feel that i have ben helped by watching
mary
10 - sadi ranson-polizzotti
hi there - you cna learn a lot from simply watching. these days, i've no time to watch because of work and deadlines, but yes, i understand about not wanting to air your dirty laundry in public in such a major way. i would not have the courage to do it either... not like that... that's MASSIVE exposure...
best to you.
sade
11 - chavaun gunn
my name is chavaun gunn i live in kansas city mo i am 22 years of age i lost both parents last year and would like to live in the starting over house to learn how to come to grips with this traumatic experience. i feel as though i could use the stability and support from the other women i would like to learn how to overcome this hurldle and publish my poetry someday it is a gift i dont want to be erased by my pain please help. [PERSONAL INFO REMOVED] thanx!
12 - sadi ranson-polizzotti
can't help you ~ you really have to help yourself... sorry to say it so coldly as it sounds but it's the truth. i would say the same thing to my brother and have said the same thin to friends and to myself when needed. it's really that simple... you have to just help yourself no matter how hard. the starting over house has a web site that you can easily find. i suggest you start there...
i'm sorry to hear of this news... i can't help you tho... i've too much loss of my own to be helping anyone else.
13 - Jennifer
I have to say, I think that 'starting over's' therapy techniques are twisted. I really do. Especially the excersise the one woman, I cant remember her name thats how insignificant I feel the show is, had to dress up as a BABY and make a fool out of herself by going to play with a bunch of nursery school kids. She had to pretend to be a BABY at the house, too.
If you ask ME, the "therapy" these women get at the starting over house looks to me as if it does more harm than good.