Today I do everything but what needs doing.
As I scurry around from one room to another, my mother's voice echoes in my head... jack of all trades, master of none... as nothing is completed, nothing is accomplished. Yet the movement never stops; there is no sitting down. This body and brain are both caught in the cycle of perpetual motion, never lighting in one spot long enough to let a clear thought enter my universe.
Empty the dishwasher, look for the right glue so I can complete a project started eight weeks ago, and when it does not appear in the drawer, I clean out the drawer and then begin thumbing through a stack of 1940s postcards. This leads to dusting the armoire which naturally lends itself to the broom leaning next to it and I sweep dog hair into a corner, then go off in search of a dust pan. Which I do not find. Every so often I return to the dining room, where I bend down and whisper through the one-inch holes in the small cardboard carrier, "It's okay. We'll take care of you. You'll be fine here. Your family is coming back. Kitties are safe here."
But there is no purr, no meow, just a silent stare.
This story began months ago, perhaps even years, when consonants began to slip and yesterday's events could not be recalled. It begins anew, today, as my dear ones speed down fresh macadam toward Durham.
Yesterday. I have a message in my Facebook Inbox. I click on it, expecting this weekend's picnic details to be discussed and finalized. A beach day with surf fishing and laughing grandbabies. We live an hour's drive apart and communicate in person or online numerous times each day.
bottom line: the tumor is most likely malignant. Between it and the subsequent swelling, it has pretty much taken over his left frontal lobe. the doc got on the phone immediately and arranged for ... to go up to Durham on Friday 3:00 pm to consult with (ok, get ready for this one, kid) the Head of Neurosurgery at Duke, Dr. Allen Friedman — THE DOCTOR WHO REMOVED TEDDY KENNEDY'S BRAIN TUMOR.
(that deserved caps, i think)
Dr. Friedman has no available appointments in the near future, but on Friday he's in surgery all day and will make time to see us between O.R. engagements. the doc in NB faxed him the MRI pictures and apparently they are disturbing enough to warrant immediate attention. the NB doc said Friedman will probably admit him immediately and perform the surgery ASAP.
Article comments
1 - Helen Losse
This is a powerful and timely article. I know who this about. I will continue to pray. And to campaign for affordable, accessible health care for us all. Not you. Not me. Us.
2 - Christy Corp-Minamiji
What a great article, Val. Not only was it very moving, but you really brought home the ludicrous pettiness of so much of the polarization of this debate.
3 - Val MacEwan
Thank you both for your kind words. Yes, the debate does seem petty. And small-minded. It can make us seem so very alone. Meanwhile, the new Upstairs Kitty is sleeping on a large pile of books. I think she'll adapt.
4 - meta marie griffin
Excellent article.