The actor-monologist-author was reported missing by his wife Sunday night:
- The disappearance of Mr. Gray was of particular concern to the authorities. Mr. Gray, 62, had a history of depression, was taking medication, the police said, and had attempted suicide in 2002.
....Mr. Gray's older brother, Rockwell Gray, an English professor at Washington University in St. Louis, said he had learned of the disappearance yesterday morning from Ms. Russo. He said that he had last seen his brother around Christmas, and that he had seemed down at the time.
"I wouldn't say he was in a happy state," Rockwell Gray said by telephone from Missouri. But, "it wasn't unusual. He's been in a fairly depressed condition for some time."
....Detectives were canvassing hospitals last night, providing Mr. Gray's description and checking unidentified people. Mr. Gray lives in North Haven, Long Island, but also has an apartment at 22 Wooster Street in New York City.
One block south of the apartment building is the Wooster Group, the experimental theater Mr. Gray helped found in 1977 with Elizabeth LaCompte. [NY Times]
It always astonished me that Gray could hold the attention by just chatting about himself for extended periods of time. I hope he is okay, but it doesn't sound good.
Article comments
1 - Tom Johnson
I have a very bad feeling about this. Someone of his mindset just disappearing like this doesn't seem like it'll have a happy ending.
When I first heard about him, the idea of watching a movie of some guy delivering a monologue seemed about as appealing as attending the worst college lecture you can think of. Then I watched Swimming To Cambodia and was mesmerized. The guy just locks your attention with his rhythm and humor. Monster In A Box wasn't quite as successful, but it really gave a good view into his mind - which is what makes me so worried about this news.
2 - Eric Olsen
I share your concerns and respect.
3 - Mac Diva
Yes, Gray's behavior has always been rather strange. He made a career of making light of his escapades, but there often seemed to be something dark underlying them. For example, I don't believe his porn actor stint was an achievement he was really proud of. This may be another spotlight grabber who is manic-depressive or something.
4 - Jim Carruthers
I saw the AP feed this morning, and was going to make a crack about his latest no man show. But then, I read further down in the article and didn't think it was so funny.
One insight into depression is "In the Jaws of the Black Dogs: A Memoir of Depression" by John Bentley Mays.
One of my favourite of his movie performances is in "Drunks" where he is a guy who shows up at an AA meeting by accident and delivers a rhapsody about the delights of booze.
5 - Naked Gord
After his '98 release "It's a Slippery Slope" I was starting to get worried.
Even before his recent accident in Europe and his reaction over September 11th. That monologue about leaving his wife for a younger woman and having a kid at 50 plus the graphics featuring badly drawn slit wrists with "My wounds" written above it and "the remember you're going to die" line has had me worried for the last few years.
His "Morning, Noon and Night" did make me feel more at ease that he had found peace in his life but recent events prove not sadly.
The news was not expected however I'm not suprised by this to be honest.
He's a legend, one of my idols and he will be missed. RIP Mr. Gray.
6 - Chas Walker
Spalding Gray is Missing:
He is one of my favorite authors/raconteurs on the face of the planet and now he is missing. He disappeared in Manhattan. He probably jumped off a bridge. He tried that once in 2002. I am not sure how one tries to jump off a bridge and fails as it seems like a rather straightforward action. But apparently that is what he did. So he is more than likely gone from this world.
He has always battled depression â€" maybe that is why I like what he does, I identify to a degree. He has struggled to reconcile his basic intellectual nature with his Christian Science upbringing. He has been described as the WASPy Woody Allen. That works for me. His mother committed suicide when he was a teenager. I guess you don’t ever really get over stuff like that.
After I read the articles about his disappearance I started to think about the people I have admired throughout my days and discovered something rather startling. Most of the people I have identified with in some manner have been some combination of depressives, junkies, alcoholics, homosexual, and/or suicides. That was a tad troubling. I guess if you are going to be a disaster you might as well be a huge disaster, exploding on a grand scale.
I am back to my odd sleeping schedule. I generally can’t get to sleep until 5 or 6am and then wake up around noon or 1pm. That essentially leaves me about 4 to 5 hours of daylight each day as the sun sets around 5:30 or so. By the time the hangover clears it is usually dark, another day shot to hell. I have been drinking again. Not a great deal, but enough that it interferes with my days to a small degree. I have been thinking about all the booze and drugs I have ingested over my time and carry a sense of guilt about it all.
I have been pretty uptight as well, forcing myself to go to social occasions or simply skipping them outright. I blew off the holidays completely because I just didn’t feel well enough. I need a refreshing drink from the well of Life I think. I also want Spalding Gray to show up at home after a weeklong drinking binge or something relatively harmless, harmless compared with say hurling oneself off of the Manhattan Bridge into the inky, cold, darkness below.
7 - Mac Diva
Chas, I believe the manic depressives and others with extra energy are disproportionately people who make an impression on society. Some historians now think Ben Franklin had some of that going on. I'm not surprised at all. Think about all he did. A normal person could have barely kept up. Nor are suicides eventually (if that is what happened to Gray) all that unusual. The one that struck me most was Primo Levi's. I thought he had the dark undercurrrent beat, despite all he had seen in life. Lord knows, the man tried to be an optimist. But, it still caught up with him.
8 - Eric Olsen
Chas, I am very sorry you have all this going on, but don't identify TOO deeply with the rest of the world, don't let the problems of others get you down. This is the one aspect of "enlightened self-interest" I think really has meaning and insight: we can't do much for the world over a sustained period of time without doing regular, even preferential, maintenance on ourselves.
I wish you the best - you are not Spalding Gray or Primo Levi or anyone else.
9 - Naked Gord
Take Eric's advice Chas. If you feel yourself going anywhere near what has apprently happened to Spalding please seek help in some fashion. Doctors, Clergy (though I'd recommend Doctors first for alot of reasons) or anybody you trust. It doesn't have to be this way for you.
10 - Mac Diva
I guess I should have said something comforting to Chas about his depressed state, but I'm usually at a loss in regard to how to handle things of that sort online. In real life, I would speak up.
11 - Natalie Davis
Hang in, Chas. Been there, done that, had my ass saved in the emergency room. Still don't know if that was the best thing... the world and its people and its hatreds and psychoses and mandated norms and injustices depress me more and more each day. But for my kids' sakes, it's best I stick around. I would wager your friends and loved ones -- IRL and online -- would believe the same. I surely do. So hang tough: Talk to someone. And let's hope Spalding Gray turns up OK. I always figured if he could make it through, so could I. Now, I have my doubts, but I am determined to stay the course.
12 - Eric Olsen
I do not wish to be self-righteous but I don't believe the "inky, cold darkness below" holds anything positive, not even "relief" or oblivion, for Chas or anyone else. We need you ALL to stick around and keep us company.
13 - Johannas
Have any of you on this thread ever been in 'REAL' pain? I'm not talking about just a little back pain but 'SERIOUS' pain? Spalding says in his Slippery Slope book that he hopes to be like the old guy in front of him, sking down the hill in that east coast white-out. Well, from what I have read he got in a bad accident in Ireland and is not in very good health at all. Seeing as how he seems to be a person who thrives on being in good health in this world - would it not make sense that he would bump himself off if he knew he was never to recover? More so, if he 'was' in terrible pain, why would you want him to endure it for the rest of his life? I don't think this has anything to do with his mother offing herself or anything like that. Personally, I just hope that he's gone someplace warm for a damned break from this horrible depressing east-coast weather but if not, I would totally understand if he killed himself given his condition.
14 - Mac Diva
I live in the only state with assisted suicide and support the concept, Johannes. But, ending one's life should not become an issue unless the situation is really desperate or the person is definitely terminal. People other than the person should be involved in the decisionmaking because it is difficult to be objective under the circumstances of extreme pain or depression.
One of John Ashcroft's goals is to put an end to Oregon's assisted suicide law, though voters have approved it twice. If Bush is reelected, we expect a new onslaught from Ashcroft. The existence of that statute bugs him even more than calico cats.
15 - Eric Olsen
Pain is a terrible thing and can envelop a person's life, but pain is controllable and after about 100 years of telling sufferers to suck it up and deal, over the last 20 years of so the medical community has become much more aggressive in treating pain with drugs. This is part of the reason for the oxycontin addiction explosion (discussed here).
I do not see pain as a legitimate suicide issue - I don't see suicide as legitimate, period.
16 - Mac Diva
But . . . autonomy. Isn't deciding whether one wants to continue living in pain and desperation the ultimate test of individual autonomy for a rational person?
(Hmmm. Maybe it is time to blog the assisted suicide issue, again.)
17 - Eric Olsen
It is an "ultimate test" that should never be tested. I understand the rationale for assisted suicide for the terminaly ill, but as cliched as it may be, I do see it as a slippery slope. I am not in favor of assisted suicide for the simple reason that it is a sanctioning of suicide, which should neve be sanctioned. That is why I am against the death penalty as well: it is official sanctioning of killing in my name as a citizen.
18 - Heart Broken
Following the Spalding plot, breaks my heart. ONe of my closest friends, an ex-girlfriend who I once lived with common-law, killed herself a year ago by jumping into Niagara Falls (where she grew up). This was a talented, beautiful woman with more friends than anyone else I know. I has seen her a week before her "disappearance" and even though she was somewhat psychotic (talking to God, etc) I never imagined her talking her own life.
The hardest part for all of her friends (which number over 100) and her family is that her body may never be found. The lack of definite, conclusive evidence (a body) is very disturbing.
I hope if Spalding took that jump, he surfaces sooner than later. As painful and gruesome as that sounds, it's better than not knowing.
Heartbroken in Toronto
19 - Eric Olsen
HB, very sorry for your loss, and it makes perfect sense to want closure.
20 - Sleepless Mary in Louisa
I happened across this in my ongoing search for news on Spalding - hoping he's shown up somewhere. I am impressed by the level of dignity everyone has displayed in disagreeing with each other! No flames, just discussion. Refreshing. Thanks.
21 - Eric Olsen
Thanks Mary, sometimes we surprise ourselves. I'd say Spalding not turning up by now is not a very good sign.