This may come as a shock to you good people, but my smart-ass mouth actually gets me into trouble sometimes. No, really. Would someone please give Mrs. Bumplestick some air, she seems to have gotten the vapors.
Anyway, Letter of Reprimand #4 came about when I was refueling my plane at an undisclosed desert kingdom somewhere in the Middle East, between the Arabian Gulf and the Red Sea. Let's call it "Not Bahrain, but Close".
The refuel driver and his passenger, "Joe Blow", pulled up to the aircraft. I set everything up and was about to send gas when the driver came up to me babbling about some shit.
"blah blah allah blah blah"
"Don't speak to me in your heathen tongue!" I proclaimed in the dramatic British accent I adopted when in the Kingdom, "Speak the King's English you barely-civilized Mohammedan! And be quick with it!"
Apparently, this guy understood English and was very passionate about letting me know about. And no, I didn't get the LOR for that. I got it for what happened afterwards.
So we're refueling and I'm walking around trying to keep myself awake when I notice the truck driver has disappeared.
"Anybody see where our fucking driver went?" I asked over the interphone. All replies were negative.
I walked over to the truck and peered into the cab to see "Joe Blow" earning his name with our truck driver. They say the brain functions much like an electrical system and I suppose my master circuit breaker tripped. I stood there, dumbfounded. Intellectually, I knew that homosexual acts are legion in this part of the world. After all, they don't go around saying, "Women are for marriage, men are for pleasure" for nothing, Timmy. Yet being presented with a living representation of a Greek vase had the effect of stupefying me, until I recovered enough to the driver's attention.
"What are you doing?" I calmly asked the driver.
"blah, blah, bobbing, blah, for, blah, blah apples, blah"
I clicked the U-94 and spoke on the interphone, "Our driver's getting a blowjob from some dude right now."
"Is that against the checklist?" came the reply from upstairs. No, indeed it was not against the checklist. I don't know how, but the authors of the checklist forgot to put an injunction against BJ's in the book.
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