So, I read Pickus as an ardent fan of Jewish women in all their urgent passions. I see her male friend has serious concerns about Jewish women being pushy, demanding, and materialistic. Sure, some women have the traits Pickus’s friend abhors. So what?
Speaking man-to-man, I’d tell him that if you don’t like those you’re meeting, change your search criteria. Must your prospects fall within a narrow range of body types or careers? Is young, skinny, and chic all that you seek? Pickiness may be the problem. Be open to the great range of Jewish women and you could be pleasantly surprised.
If you’re not clicking with personality types in your area, look further afield, especially if you’re young and footloose. Women in New York, Texas, and Latin America can differ enormously in degrees of edginess, expectations, lifestyle, and accent. Indeed, I made a 10,000-mile roundtrip to São Paulo, Brazil, to meet somebody who caught my eye.
After years of pounding the JDate pavement, I’ve learned what works for me and what doesn’t. For example, lawyers and real estate brokers are a poor fit, romance-wise. They aspire to another breed of man, an alpha male/Zohan beyond my income and — at 5’ 5” — my height.
On the other hand, I’ve enjoyed meetings (and more) with graphic designers, teachers, filmmakers, psychoanalysts, and rabbis. They see the value of a man with creativity, a Jewish identity, archaic Southern manners, and a passion for everything Jewish women are.
They’re not perfect; I need not catalogue their struggles. Some are angry, and their fury often plays out as self-directed and self-destructive. But the anger eases when they feel accepted and desired for who they are. And they can push my buttons, too. In special cases of rank despair, I wanted to take a woman’s hands in mine and tell her, to quote my favorite line from the cable series, The L Word, “You are a f--king heartbreaker.”
What about the other issues Pickus raises? I’ve attended my share of raucous family Thanksgivings and seders. They can be a strain for an outsider, but if you connect with the woman, then the family comes with the package; just watch out for what you share with relatives with borderline personality disorder.
Article comments
1 - Ali
I find your article disgusting. "Angry"? Really? That's a attribute you want to label all Jews with? And borderline relatives? What are you even talking about? Anyone whose fetish has become fixated on a specific race/creed needs to get their head checked. Hoping from Jew to Jew on JDate because you get your rocks off on 'the women and the culture' makes you sounds like a pathetic loser. Someone should write a treaty on middle aged, divorced Southern men who have un-appealing racial obsessions. Oh wait, no woman would do that because any self described connasuir is a fucking joke. (Excuse me I need to go puke now).
2 - CM
Excellent article. The best line was when you pointed out that someone who is anti-Jewish women is probably using superficial criteria to pick women in general. Jewish women, like all women, have a wide range of passions, traits, and desires. Anyone who refuses to date them based on stereotypes is self-hating. Great essay!!