I've grown my hair long and now I'm getting noticed and getting looks. Before, I had a flattering style and my hair was in better condition, and even dyed a flattering shade of auburn some of the time, but no dice. Not a single compliment from a male and not many from women. My hair used to resemble Oprah's curly do, only with a smaller profile, since I don't have professional help. I thought that objectively it looked nice, but since I inadvertantly grew my hair out, I found out that I was getting a better response, and I'm going to stick with what I've got. The condition of my hair was better before, and it's streaked with gray all the time now, but they still like it a lot better.…
Article comments
126 - Christopher Rose
As I believe I've commented above somewhere, long hair is boring, lazy, unattractive and utterly devoid of style. Please do get a great shorter hairstyle and don't worry about all the shallow men that will then ignore you. A good man will see you for who you are, not for your lack of long hair.
127 - Kate
Thanks for the push, Chris. I cut my hair today. I feel like a new person -- polished, professional, and ready to take on the world. I look so much better -- and stylish.
128 - Kate
Me again. An interesting dynamic is now occuring with my short cut, which I wanted to share. Now that I am looking more professional, less girly, some men are becomign downright hostile, viewing me as competition. For example, when I walk around, they try to block me such that I have to walk around them, and then they move again my path -- as if to make a power grab. Another man today walked into a building in front of me. Both times just as I was reaching for the door handle, he immediately pulled his hand away and let the door follow behind him, so that I would be grabbing hair. Finally when I met up with him in the elevator, I asked, "is there a reason you didn't hold the door?" Maybe my question was presumptuous, but I asked politely -- and expected an apology or even an excuse along teh lines of "oh, I didn't see you there." Instead he was very hostile and said: "Why should I hold the door for you. Who are you anyway?" He got mad and started screaming over this one question....Perhaps he has more issues. However, I did not encounter such blatant hostile aggression designed to put me in my place when I had longer hair. Men treated me as a play thing, insubstantial little girl, and an object of sexual conquest/lust. Now I am competition. I suppose they are, perhaps, treating me they would a fellow man or competitor -- or are just simply uncomfortable being around strong, competent, confident women. THese woudl likely be the same kind of men who would pull up porn on their computer at work when a professional women approaches them as if to communicate -- that they really just think women are good for one thing. The relations between the sexes are so screwed up in this country. At least in Europe, women can be feminine and treated with dignity and respect and as women. In U.S., men seem to resent and want to take down strong women and/or reduce us to sexual objects. Look at how Hillary is treated. Entrepreneurs sell Hillary nut crackers and the incoming speechwriter for the Obama Administration was photographed groping a cut out of Hillary.
Bottom line -- I am happy with my shorter cut. I feel empowered, confident, strong -- and apparently am suddenly viewed as a prospective threat and power to be reckoned with as opposed to a little girl to be dismissed or hunted. I am no longer targeted by pervs. I am sure the right people will respond in the right way. I expect to be treated seriously on the job and to attract into my life good, quality people.
Thanks for this great post. Hair is a metaphor for so much more...
129 - Christopher Rose
I'm glad things are working out well for you, Kate. Your new hair style is serving you well by showing you exactly which guys are jerks! I'm in Europe so maybe we are more used to good hair styles.
130 - Amanda
Tedius, trust me: swimming with long hair is a pain in the rear. If you only train once or twice a day, it's not so bad. But I train with up to six two-hour sessions a day. The cap is only half the issue. You also have wet-dry cycles which are hell on long hair (trust me, I know--I used to have hair to the middle of my back). It doesn't matter what products you use. Constant wet-dry cycles, particularly with chlorinated water, damage hair.
You're just shallow.
By the way, I blow-dry far less with short hair than I did with long hair. I don't know where you get the idea that long hair doesn't require blow-drying.
131 - Kate
Thank you, Chris. You're so right:)
I think European men in general are more respectful towards women and tend to engage them as people first. In Europe, I enjoyed numerous platonic male friendships. We discussed the big ideas of the day, our careers, friends, families, politics, values, etc. In U.S., most men, at least from my experience, engage women as sex objects first. It's really a chore weeding the good from the bad.
Short hair is great!(You're right -- European women tend to have better and shorter hair styles!)
It's nice to see so many good guys on this board who support respectful treatment of women, like you Chris!
132 - Penelope
The bottom line is really this. There is a difference in how people will perceive you, depending on whether your hair is long or short. (Sorry, I know I am about to make sweeping generalizations:)
It is true, as some people have already said, that many equate long hair with "girlish." So, that make you more appealing sexually. As a result, you will receive a lot of unwanted attention by virtue of your hair. Some women like this kind of attention, by the way. It makes them feel sexy, sensual, and powerful. Sorry to sound vulgar, but I am sure many women have had men approach them and look at them orgasmically, almost as if they are experiencing a high by virtue of being in your presence of seeing your hair shake as you move your head. I remember that some women used to capitalize on this dynamic in college and twirl their hair in their fingers while men just stared at them longingly. If you enjoy that kind of attention, more power to you.
Some older women look great with long hair. However, as noted above, the men who tend to prefer women with long hair seem to want to be lost in a woman's sensuality. They claim they love "beautiful women" (as if we were cars they are collecting) and that they grow weak around these powerful, divine creatures. Again, some women love this kind of relationship. These may very well be the kind of men who can't help themselves as they chase every "beautiful" female in sight (ie, the one who just happens to turn the guy on that given moment.) Some women feel flattered by the attentions. Others resent it, knowing that these guys really can't see beyond the sex appeal, are not identifying with them as people, and are using you. (You can feel that grasping, desperate, hungry quality these guys have.)
If you absolutely want sex appeal -- long hair is the way to go.
However, shorter, if the style is right, is much classier. People will be more likely to take you seriously and view you are older, more mature, and intelligent. As some people have said, when you play into the sexy image, sex is all the other person (read: male) will see. His motive for being with you will likely be predatory -- to use, show you off to enhance his own vanity, or simply to get off on you.
When you cut your hair, you are really joining the ranks of adult women and relinquishing girlhood. Someone here mentioned the pedophile connection -- and I think that's true. You'd be surprised at how many pedophiles are out there. Young girls are approached all the time by middle aged/older men. Predatory/animalistic men prefer youth, innocence, vulnerability and long hair plays into that. A number of guys who have explained their preference for long hair - do so in terms of wanting to keep women in their place or even to experience porno fantasies -- of women flipping their hair during sex -- or of having orgasms while watching tresses in the wind. Given the hypersexed society we live in, do you really want to expose yourself to that kind of attention?
Short conveys spunky, intelligent, no nonsense - as if you have better things to do, think about, contend with than your hair and make up. Contrary to what "sexy women" think, men may drool over their kind, but these women are often not promoted, (I'm talking about the cleavage baring, long haired, bimboesque types), taken seriously, or even respected. Some men have secret contempt for them as they resent the sexual feelings such women elicit.
Think of all the prominent, successful women who have "voices." Their hair is short, styled, neat. The hair doesn't distract. Let's face it, when you see a woman with long hair on TV, its easy to become distracted when her hair moves and shakes while she speaks. Its distracting in a way dangling earrings are.
Ultimately, whole, decent men and women relate to each other as friends, mature people first and foremost and not on a level of animalistic urges. Men who fall prey to the sex appeal often find themselves weak and at the mercy of such women. The movie "Death Becomes Her" typifies this dynamic - where women use their sex appeal to capture a weak man and then drain him of his life force.
Guys -- let go of your porno fantasies and learn to love women as people first. Your relationships will be healthier, happier, more rewarding.
For those of you who think short hair isn't beautiful, Princess Diana sported a short do and she was widely hailed as one of the most beautiful women of her generation.
133 - Anon
Last summer I decided that I wanted to chop my hair off. I had thought about it often before, and worried a lot about it for a long time before going through with it. I searched for endless styles, wondered if I could pull it off, when finally I just said screw it, and went to my hairdresser to get it over with. She was mortified, of course, and kept asking if I was sure, holding the scissors open over my 10 inches of brown hair. I didn't even hesitate, told her to chop chop.
I don't have the emotional attachment to hair that I thought I did, and while thinking on the subject I noticed the social importance people place on hair. Genetically and evolutionarily speaking, men are attracted to long hair, whatever the reason be, but health seems to be the main factor behind it. Good for many many years ago when we were primal, not as useful today when women can fudge it with hair dye and products. When my hair got chopped, I didn't feel anything, I found myself wondering why I didn't feel the urge to shriek or cry, or even laugh giddily. In the end I figure that its just hair: some individuals have diseases that don't allow them to have it at all, some to have excess. It's a thing of facade, of appearance, so I treat it as such.
As far as reactions to my hair, I got hit on most when my hair was long. I've been told my hair was nice, guys played with it, its flattering, but there's no substance behind those reactions as they're just flirtatious and sexual. When my hair was cut short, I got a ton of mixed reactions, some saying it looked stunning, others said they preferred it long.. those comments, the ones favoring long hair, came from shallow men I have known for a long time. Hey, no big deal if you're shallow or like the shallow attention, I suppose. Keep your tresses, if you're into it, or into pleasing other people.
The important part comes next. I met a guy with my hair short. He was extremely contrary to guys I've met and dated in the past, in fact, he had a brain, wit, sense of humor. You know, the whole package.. we had things in common, he was educated, gave me the kind of attention and intimacy that is the solid foundation of a sturdy relationship. My hair is long now, and we are still together after more than a year. What is absolutely AWESOME about hair is that, oh, it grows back. So in the winter (now) I sport longer hair, and this summer I think I'm going to shave it. My boyfriend is encouraging the shave, as a matter of fact. It should be interesting, fun, and if I don't care for it, it will grow back. If people don't like it, they can wait.
I'm not saying you'll meet Mr. Perfect with shorter hair. My opinion is that if you WANT short hair, if that's really something you're even questioning about, do it. There are styles for every shape and size woman. I honestly think it takes balls to go against a social norm, its an incredible feeling and experience once you do, and it is SO easy to take care of. Tedius or whoever, that ignorant dude who keeps making up all that weird male-power stuff is completely off also about maintenance. It makes life way easier, and its fun to style. I spent literally like, one second on my hair in the morning, and the cool thing is you don't need to wash it every day. What a time-saver.
So, don't spend your time weighing the pros and cons of short hair. If there end up being more cons, you get an experience, closure that you do indeed look hideous with short hair and will never have to do it again. On the other hand, you may love it, or like in my case, might get a best friend or special somebody out of it :D
(In case you're wondering, I had a cut that was similar to this. So I did not go extremely short to begin with.)
134 - C
I chopped my hair off two years ago, a classic boy-next-door haircut. I love it. Once a week or more friends, family, and strangers tell me I should grow it out again.
Maybe I will, eventually. But my hair is not about what other people like, it's about me. I feel ready to take on the world with short hair. I don't care that nobody else likes it. I like it. I love it. I feel that it represents my personality; I feel that it's "me." Perhaps I'm putting too much meaning in my hair, but perhaps that's because people have also made so much of it being short. In any case, I will have it short for as long as I wish, because I wish it. That's all that matters.
"If I never got a man and my hair was the only reason, then I must be meant to be single."
Props to CNoelle; I don't want a man that shallow! :)
135 - Heloise
"If I never got a man and my hair was the only reason, then I must be meant to be single."
Absolutely right. Sadly, most men in America are that shallow. They have been brain washed to believe that women are just sex objects. Most high powered jobs entertain men and male clients with strip clubs and prostitutes. Women are disrespected in our society and reduced to commodities -- and valued based upon how "hot" she is. Anyone watch the "Bachelor" on ABC. Those women are supposedly trying to snag a husband by exposing their breasts and deep cleavage, leaving little to the imagination. All have long hair. Can you imagine a short-haired girl being "sexy?"
No. Short hair is about being taken seriously and moving beyond the sex selection role. You will immediately lose a large following of men by cutting your hair, but then did you want those types anyway? Good men have higher and better standards. Water does seek its own level -- so make sure you are extraordinary in other ways and an extraordinary man will find you.
136 - Robert
Heloise and C, love for long hair on women is the same as a man's passion for breasts, high heels, butts, toes, the list is endless. We can't help what turns us on. It's biological. It says nothing about one's maturity. As for your preference for short hair, only an idiot would take you more seriously because you cropped your hair. I'm sure that other women feel more comfortable now that your glorious locks have vanished. But don't expect those men who think long hair is sexy to like it.
137 - I hate short haired women
Let your hair grow, women! Men hate women with short hair!
138 - Christopher Rose
Not this man! Short hair is way better!
Seriously, read the comments by women with short hair. They clearly show that many (not all) men who prefer longer hair are pretty creepy.
139 - Cindy
Big C,
...many (not all) men who prefer longer hair are pretty creepy.
I had never thought about it. But most women who read the comments of just the last two who posted (#136,137) will likely rush out to get a hair cut, just to be safely out of danger of attracting these guys.
Hey creepy guys, I have news for you:
Women hate men who hate women with short hair. You should make a sign with your preferences written on it and wear it around your neck, so women know to avoid you.
140 - C.
I've always had short-medium hair, but when I turned 15-16, I got really concerned with guys and looking beautiful in their eyes. So I grew my hair a tad bit over the bra-strap. I liked it for a while but felt very ordinary. I looked like all the other girls.
I went back quickly to a medium bob hair cut and kept it for a while. Now I'm 19 and decided I didn't give a shit about what guys thought about my hair and if it stops some jerks from flirting with me, then it was only a good thing. I've cut them very short, and surprisingly, men look at me even more than when I had long hair. I was a bit anxious the first night out I had after my haircut, but I've still got guys flirting with me and asking me out for a coffee, cinema, restaurant.
Now I walk on the street and I still turn heads on my way. I don't get compliments on my hair, but I'm told more often that I'm gorgeous than when I had my long naturally black hair.
Makes me ponder about getting it even shorter. I always was a fan of Audrey Hepburn's class and Angyness Deyn's style.
The thing is, be confident with your choice. Long hair or not and you'll still attract people.
141 - Robert
Cindy, ahem, I do know guys who REALLY hate short hair on women. I think it usually looks OK, but rarely sensational. Sue me, I like seeing women who enjoy and flaunt their ravishing long locks, even in upsweeps. I've always loved long hair, and will until the day I die. Thankfully, where I live, more women than ever over 40 have ditched the manly corporate chop.
That story above by Kate, who cut her hair after feeling disrespect for looking too feminine with long tresses, is just plain sad. There can never be too much beauty in this difficult world. What does a woman do when she receives unwelcome attention for her voluptuous brasts? Bind them?
142 - Christopher Rose
Voluptuous brasts? Presumably your hair got in your eyes!
143 - Jet
Bushy eyebrows?
144 - Robert
LOL I *wish* I had enough hair to hinder my vision! But, the only time that happens is when my wife's hair is smothering me, blissfully, heh heh.
145 - Freya
I cut my hair in many funky styles within the past couple of years, from what was just-below-shoulder length hair. The most recent (and current) is a fauxhawk style. I must say this garnered the most compliments from friends (men and women alike) and strangers.
Unfortunately, I was often called butch and manly and told that my face isn't delicate enough to have short hair.
It's hurtful to hear, but I'm not entirely sure why people voice their opinions without my asking. I hope the same has not and will not happen to you--long hair on women bores me (I am sexually attracted to women and men), just as short hair on men bores me. Perhaps I put too much value on people being interesting by virtue of looking different, but I think it says loads about you that you decided to cut your hair even in the face of mixed opinions and knowledge that many men would dislike it.
Good for you, truly, and best of luck.
146 - M.S
I just trimmed my hair because I never look right in that in between stage- therefore I always give in and cut it again.
I'm a gamine type with full cheeks and a stubborn chin. Spunky and small. I've tried on very short wigs and look awful. I've tried on very long wigs and look like I'm twelve, lost under all that hair.
My best style is a bob with bangs or a shaggy medium-short cut. Without bangs I look horrible. So in cases like mine, I think you go with what makes you look your best. I get a better reaction when I have bangs and wear red lipstick like a modern day flapper. No other look works for me.