places some portion of the world in jeopardy. — John Dewey
Did I get yer attention?
Good. Bear with me for a minute or two. Tetris can wait, can't it?
I had to do an 'end of the year list', (for no other reason than to piss you off) — but in my irritating obsession with "wanting to be different", I also had to make it a dozen — as opposed to the standard "Top 10" found among writers who have much more discipline when it comes to cutting up their babies and leaving them in boxes beside the information highway.
I know that like all Americans, you suffer from ADD, which means that whether it's 22 dead in Mosul — or a quick glimpse at a breast during the Super Bowl, your tiny cotton candy brain can only process a finite amount of information for a few seconds at a time before it jettisons the current 'thought' and moves on to the next smash-cut MTV-like commercial or "news flash" about the latest celebrity murderer.
(Hell, half the U.S.A. could be obliterated in a nuclear bomb, but within fifteen minutes, you'd be seeing commercials for Viagra in between the views of smoldering cities tearfully described by Katie Couric.)
Remember after 9/11?
"Can we ever laugh again?"
"Can we ever smile again?"
"Will we ever allow ourselves a frivolous moment in the face of 3000 dead, innocent Americans?"
You've gotta be kiddin' me.
Your typical American can lose a close family member, and within 20 minutes, they're being interviewed on CNN, looking for an agent, cutting a book deal, and acting like they just misplaced their car keys.
Memory loss apparently has its advantages — but I'm here to remind you what the Year Of Our Lord 2004 was all about. One only has to do a quick perusal of Shark's total entries for the year to see highlights of every major 'cultural' event for the last twelve months.
For about fiftteen minutes, each of the following events dominated our lives as if our very survival depended on a full understanding of their importance. And as each "significant" moment was erased by the Next Big Thing vomited up by the collective Whore of Babylon known as "The Media", it was quickly replaced by another "Next Big Thing" — so pay attention — and um... get out your credit cards.
Article comments
1 - Eric Berlin
Shark,
I very much enjoyed your not very ordinary year-in-review. I might not agree with everything you have to say (and what fun would that be?) but I dig your original and fresh voice.
Looking forward to more Shark in '05,
Eric Berlin
Dumpster Bust: Miracles from Mind Trash
http://dumpsterbust.blogspot.com
2 - Bennett
Where the hell was everybody when this came out? Celebrating X-Mas I suppose.
Lots of great reading here, folks.
I need a Shark=BC T-Shirt.
3 - Dave Nalle
Bennett, did Shark hire you as his press agent? Based on this post he seemed to be doing a pretty solid job of blatant self-promotion. I don't know of anyone else who posted an article with the best of his own other articles. Nice ego.
Dave
4 - Mark Sahm
That's pretty amusing that the top 12 were all of Shark's own posts. But I suppose ego is a healthy thing.
5 - Duane
It's "Shark's Top 12." Get it?
Get a sense of humor, gents. He probably refers to himself as "devilishly handsome," too.
Better yet, (re)read the posts. They're funny.
6 - Mark Sahm
Duane: Don't get me wrong, I laughed. I was just reading from the top, wondering who Shark would actually give shout outs to... only to find that "catch".
7 - Duane
Shark, I don't know why, but I missed most of these when they were posted originally. I almost never laugh at BC posts; sometimes I'll smile, more often just shake my head. But these posts have me laughing. It takes either an enormous amount of effort or an incredibly quick wit (maybe both) to write so intelligently and get the laugh. You could be working for a humor magazine (not that you'd want to necessarily). This stuff reminds me of curling up with National Lampoon back in my college days. Looking forward to more quality stuff like this in the future.
Yours, etc.,
Duane
8 - Bennett
Dave - Shark didn't hire me, but I'm open for it.
BTW, in trying to remember posts for Aaman's best of list, your Barbeque Review from NYC came to mind.
9 - Dave Nalle
Aaman already did his list. He picked my Iraq isn't Vietnam article. Tho I might have gone with something else.
Dave
10 - Bennett
Yeah Dave, I saw the list. Congrats on being picked for it.
In your humble opinion, what are the top three posts you've done for BC?
11 - Dave Nalle
I like my post on the Care Bears for April Fools, but it's kind of a non-mainstream post. I also like 'My Bathroom is a Shrine' and 'London Eternal' and maybe "Are There No Workhouses'.
Dave
12 - Bennett
Heh, yeah the care bears thing was good. I was ehhh about the bathroom one though. You got a lot of coments from the ladies on that one if I recall.
13 - Shark
Duane, Bennett, Mark, thanks.
Always glad to make others laugh.
As far as working for a humor mag, sorta been there -- done that. I used to write a weekly column for a pinko newspaper. (I've also had 4 musical comedies performed for the stage -- which pays better and is much more fun.)
(But really, I'm at my best after a coupla tequilas!)
Dave, re. ego and Shark's Top 12...
oh jees.. never mind...
14 - Shark
PS: Dave, if I had to pick your "best", it would be the one where you posted a photo of yourself in that cowboy hat, y'know... the one where you looked like a gay German tourist who just visited "Southfork Ranch" for some authentic western experiences...?
xxoo & Yeehaw,
S
15 - MCH
Re comment #3 by Dave Nalle;
Did anyone else detect a hint of jealousy there, reading between the lines?
16 - Mark Sahm
MCH: Seeing as how Shark gets in a good dig at almost everyone, it's hard not to be a little jealous wit-wise.
Hey Shark, I guess you couldn't tell us if you've ever written a book, or otherwise reveal your secret identity, right? Heh.