No, really, if she says no regularly then that's a good indication that she isn't enjoying sex. Women love sex just as much as men do. If it's good, women love to shag. Of course, she hasn't told you you're not satisfying her. Women will talk to each other about how crappy you are, but won't tell you. Why? Well, do you really want the woman you love (or whatever) to tell you that you can't shag and frankly she would rather have a nice hot bath and masturbate while thinking of Brad, George, Ewan, or Johnny? Of course she isn't going to tell you! So I am!
If you think you don't need to know this, because you don't have a girlfriend or partner (or other), there's probably a reason that you don't. Also, women love to gossip about the men at the pubs and clubs they go to. Like who's good, who's not, who to avoid, who to buy a drink for and then pull into the nearest cab. So, it really is in your best interest to read this and remember it! I have given this same advice to many male friends. Believe me, they do help.
There are a few basic things all men need to know.
- Your tongue is NOT an electric whisk. Slow down already! For some reason, many men think that when they are kissing you, the faster and deeper their tongue is, the better. BULLSHIT! It isn't a race and you're not mining for coal. I'm a person and I need to breathe. This is really important! Women know that if a man is good at kissing, then he is usually good in bed. That is almost an absolute given.
- How a woman touches you is how she wants to be touched. (Told you this is good stuff!) When you go in for the kiss and she softly touches your cheek or the back of your neck - she is showing you where she wants you to touch her and how. Pay attention to her reactions. You will be able to tell if she is enjoying herself or not. If she isn't, she'll let you know. She will also let you know where to touch her. Follow her lead.
- Flat tongues are better for licking. Think of licking an ice cream cone. Your tongue should cover as much surface area as possible. How would you want her to lick your cock? With a small pointy tongue, she's not writing her name. When you have your tongue in a woman's fanny (for the Americans that is the word for pussy in Britain - brings a whole new purpose to mind when someone says fanny pack), kissing this is not a race. Take your time. And a little deep mining there is always appreciated.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Joanie
All good stuff. Of course, I can think of a million other things men need to know, but the big one is this: Late night booty calls are NOT the way to go. Unless it's the woman who's doing the calling. If you want to get laid, you better plan on putting in a little time with her before midnight.
2 - CC
And with blow jobs- do NOT, I repeat, do NOT put your hand on the back of her head, unless SHE puts it there. Stroke the side of her face or hair, but no head grab. How much more control do you need to have for Chrissake? You're getting a blow job!
Oh yeah, and boobs are not playdough- be gentle.
3 - Matthew T. Sussman
Um, I'm fairly certain women like what I tell them they should like.
4 - chantal stone
speaking of boobs.....just cuz your last girlfriend liked her nipples to be bitten, that doesn't mean we all like that....easy with the teeth.
5 - Scott Butki
With blushing face I read this and save a copy for when I'm next in need of such advice.
You think it'd be bad to pull it - this - out mid-passion-making?
Ok, A.L. now I'm DEFINITELY convinced you're not a man.
6 - A.L. Harper
Joanie -
This is just the first of many tips for men. I'll keep that in mind for my next tips.
I am on a tips for women. I hope that is as helpful.
A.L.
7 - A.L. Harper
CC -
Also in my next tips for men but this one was supposed to give men the VERY basics which so many seem to lack. They must crawl before they can.....add your own ending here
A.L.
8 - A.L. Harper
Mattew -
Let me guess you don't get out much do you.
A.L.
9 - A.L. Harper
Scott -
Why not just frame them and put them above your bed? *smile*
I'm glad you're convinced I'm a woman. It makes the whole am I a good mother thing and the teenage pregnancy thing so much more believeable.
A.L.
Hey where is that desert island with the martians and munchkins?
10 - A.L. Harper
CC -
Another comment here I think you'll find that when giving a blow job it's you who has all the control. Put a mans penis in your mouth and he'll do whatever you ask really.
A.L.
11 - Scott Butki
A frame is a good idea.
I'm still hunting for that island.
Meanwhile i'm dealing with my laryingitis which is hampering my student teaching.
12 - Ruvy in Jerusalem
Quoted from the author:
...a woman's fanny (for the Americans that is the word for pussy in Britain...
I'll have to remind my frieds NEVER to name their daughters "Fanny"...
13 - Rodney Welch
A.L. -- Your comments make it hard to tell if you're a frustrated woman or a man who has been beaten into painful submission. Which is it?
14 - Elvira Black
A.L.:
BRAVO! Excellent advice.
15 - A.L. Harper
Scott -
With a frame at least your wife (or whomever) will know you're trying and that is worth some brownie points.
I'll start looking for that island too.
I can help with sex related issue but unless your laryingitis is hampering some kind of "oral" teaching all I can say is - Poor Scotty!
16 - A.L. Harper
Ruvy -
That's probably for the best really. And when you come to britain remember it's a bum bag not a fanny pack.
17 - A.L. Harper
Rodney -
I am a woman but I’m not the frustrated one - these tips were inspired by a couple of single friends who can't seem to find a decent lay. Most men seem to lack any knowledge of the basic techniques. Many, apparently, believing that porn films are real and all they have to do is be their “magnificent” selves.
This is a lie, porn films aren’t real and they are made by men for men. You have to do more than just have a cock. It’s like riding bike really you may own one but you usually have to ask for help to actually learn to ride it.
18 - A.L. Harper
Elvira -
Thank you! I'm glad you approve!
19 - Ruvy in Jerusalem
A.L.
I'll keep my money in my passport if I ever make it to Britain - in a deep pocket - and leave the assorted "packs" and "bags" at home. But thank you for the heads up.
20 - Mat Brewster
Oh yeah, and boobs are not playdough- be gentle.
Crap, I guess I'd better stop trying to make little snakes out of them then.
21 - A.L. Harper
Ruvy -
Always trying to be helpful!
22 - A.L. Harper
Mat -
Just how hard do you like your balls squeezed? Consider these things before proceeding in future.
Chantal -
I think some men may think it's like breast feeding have you ever had that. Not sexy.
23 - Ruvy in Jerusalem
A.L.
I enjoyed your article. It was very entertaining - and if I were thirty or thirty five years younger, would have been very instructional as well.
There were cetain things in there that I've tried to forget over the years - like how women gossip and over what. The article was a reminder to me that no matter how degrees you may have, you never really get out of high school...
24 - A.L. Harper
Ruvy -
I am very glad you enjoyed my article! It's never too late to improve your love making techniques though. I would try doing something different with your partner and see what happens. You may be pleasantly surprised. I bet she will.
25 - Hey that's my Toilet
Women love when you punch them in the breasts. Spitting is (i've been told) a real turn on for most women. Then I cut their hair while they are asleep. Gets them coming back everytime.