WTF?
I was friends with a guy in Elementary school who used a broken pencil sharpener to slash his forearm. He would do this in class. Our teacher either did not notice or did not care. He would then suck up the blood and smile. He encouraged others to do so, though he found few takers.…
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526 - josie
Hi everyone. its been a while. hope we're all good
Jxx
527 - Douglas Mays
Josie!!!! Glad you checked in! At least we know you are around and still in existence. Back to life I hope. View it as comedy/tragedy and write the story with a happy ending, with a sequel in progress.
Gosh, I wish Nikki would check in and at least let us know she is around and conquering the trials and tribulations of life OK.... and how about Maggie Mae?
You guys OK?
xo
DM
528 - maggie mae
hey guys! wow, it's a been a while. so much has happened in the months since i last wrote.. it's too much to write, even.
but i'm still here and kicking. well, typing. i'm doing pretty well, actually. surprisingly so. chemistry and julius caesar are definitely better for me than biology and the odyssey.
as for my guy friend, i don't really talk to him anymore. lack of any classes together combined with the distance we already had because of previous occurrences just comes out to lack of communication. so we never talk. i don't really see around at all. but you know what? i don't really mind. i've realized that for all that he helped me, he hurt me more, and it's better now that i'm over him.
sure, there are other complications in my life, different problems. but i have a feeling that this year is going to be a lot better than last year.
how are you guys doing?
doug - the wife? business? yourself?
josie - have you been feeling any better lately? how's that lithium working out for you?
is nikki ever going to reappear?
i wish you all well, and promise to check back when i can [computer use is more limited for me than it has been before].
sending hugs and thoughts out to all of you!
~maggie mae
529 - Douglas Mays
Maggie Mae!!! Good to hear from ya! Yeah, life moves on.
Myself, doing OK, Have been on the down low for sake of medical procedures (things you do when you get a certain age-catch em before you get old). But fine. You know.
Business? The music industry is in a confused state. Hopefully it will all get figured out. I have a couple good new artists on the bubble.
Wife? Good and not. she is self-destructing in a way. Too many things attacking her mind. Me and her, very good. It is things outside of us that cause problems. You know the deal...
Good you and friend no talk. Time goes on. You'll bump into each other somewehere and things will be friendly and fine.
Good to see that you have been able to adjust the focus in life. Seems like your vision has gotten better. Chemistry, eh? I always was a biology nut. Chemistry threw me a bit.
best,
DM
530 - josie
I was deffo a physics nut...
531 - maggie mae
physics? the stereotype for physics is that nobody likes it. personally,i have a feeling i'll love it. my favorite part of chem so far has been the section we did that happens to be a piece of the subject mater where chemistry and physics overlap. plus, physics is pretty much all math, which means on top of liking it, i'll be good at it [math is and always has been my favorite subject..].
532 - josie
I love maths, in my real life I'm a maths teacher :)
Just to give y'all an update, i'm doing averagely ok, but technically bouncing between fab and shite. Fun times!
How're all of you?
533 - Douglas Mays
Josie!!!! Life is alright!
film at 11.
DM
534 - josie
Hey guys, hope you all have a good xmas and that 2009 sees happy things happening! x
535 - Douglas Mays
Josie!! Back atcha!!!
positive holidays to all!!
xo
DM
536 - josie
bollocks.
I just want someone to give a shit.
537 - Douglas Mays
damn you Josie! What is the deal? I mean, you are a continent away and all... From the information I can decipher from this thread I send astral vibes of anti-bullocks and all. Although bullocks are very handy to keep around.
Do you have any spare bullocks? Can pay ya back Tuesday.
xoxoxoxoxoxoOK?
DM
538 - Douglas Mays
Nikki, Maggie Mae, Josie, all others!!!!
How goes it?
539 - josie
Hey Doug, I'm not too bad. Been having a few bloke issues this months. Hopefully it'll get sorted next weekend.
How goes you? Nikki, Maggie?
540 - maggie mae
hey guys! wow, my life feels like it's been riding one of those world-record-breaking speed vehicles or something. i don't even know how to sum it all up. i can give a few key details though:
i now have a boyfriend whom i've been dating for three months.
[i might lose my virginity friday....]
earwax blockages are a [painful] bitch.
i think i've realized that i might just turn out alright in the end after all...
how are you guys doing?
541 - nikki
doug, maggie, josie,
its sure been a while! i do apoligise for leaving you all with such a dim view on my life. its been almost a year now and things are much better. im still attending college. i currently work at a day care and have many new hobbies. i kayak, hike,and shoot archery, just to name a few. still having relationship troubles, but who doesn't? lol.
any how, maggie, josie, and doug, how are you all!? ill check back soon.
nikki
542 - MAGGIE JOSH AND DOUG
OH HI,WE DOING JUST GREAT!
543 - maggie mae
nikki!!!! you still exist!! lol. it's been forever since we've heard from you!
it's great to hear that you're doing well. i hope you visit back again soon and we hear more from you.
personally, i'm doing great. much better than when i started out writing on here. i think that all of you here were part of helping me with that.
josie, doug, how are you guys doing?
happy thoughts going out to you all!
~maggie mae
544 - josie
hey everyone. it's been a while. I seem to say that too much. Good to here from you all.
Things with me are generally ok. I met this guy, he lives a long way away but I like him a lot. It's kinda messy, but he's someone I can talk to, which is good.
Unfortunately I'm trying to get in touch with him atm, last night he was a bit drunk and made some joke about topping himself, and I havent heard from him since. Hope he was joking.
Haven't cut properly for ages. A couple of superficial grazes, but nowt major. Just really need to here from him, know that everything is ok. I'm sure he is, I just worry.
Nikki, I totally empathise with the relationship troubles!
Maggie, glad things are going well with this guy. Hope he makes u happy?
Doug, donde esta?
545 - maggie mae
josie, he does. he does make me happy. happier than i've been in a long time. happier than i ever thought i could be after what happened last year.
he makes me happy.
~maggie mae
546 - josie
Thats awesome to hear maggie :) This guy I've started seeing is pretty awesome too. Shame he lives 300 miles away, but I guess I'm just hoping that it will sort itself out. We'll see how it all goes.
Glad to hear things are going well :)
547 - maggie mae
aww. =[ that's unfortunate. but it's nice that you've found someone. i hope that it turns out well for you.
nikki, doug, where are you guys?
548 - Douglas Mays
Nikki!! Maggie Mae!!! Josie!!!!
I am alive and doing OK. Life does evolve. Been busy. Wife still struggles with pathological psychotica.
Taking my usual steps to send justice to sociopaths that invade women's lives for their selfish control. They eventually mess up since they are not that smart. I have this one on the ropes.
Been getting good response from women with a common plight on my MySpace. Wifey ain't the only one.
Other than that, I have been doing soccer, as usual. Sounders FC is the deal out here.
xoxoxoxoxox
Douglas
549 - Douglas Mays
Hey you guys! WOW, big changes have to come. I have spent a portion of my life learning hands on about sociopathy/psychopathy.
Problem. As we have read, wifey has had a life being controled and manipulated by a true psychopath. Unfortunately, she learns psychopathy and becomes one by proxi.
Something has got to be done in order to erase all this stuff from my life. It is a real downer. I have not progressed to the point I should be by now.
It is becoming a serious legal matter. Got to go big time. I want myself back!!!!
It is to a point that my resiliance (I'm a Scorpio, don't mess with a Scorp!) is really being tested.
Wipe out! I am amazed at the lack of knowledge justice, police, medical world have on the reality of psychopathy in our society. They weave an evil web. However, they are so transparent.
Anyway, keep on sending positive vibes. I need them upcoming here.
Maggie, Josie, Nikki! Keep on checking in. I finally found my way back to this thread (had a computer meltdown a while ago...).
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
DougLas
550 - Cindy
Hi Doug,
I am a 'scorpio' too. As far as astrology goes, it's the one thing I believe in.
...don't mess with a Scorp!
;-)
551 - Douglas Mays
Cindy, that is a good thing. Lots of folks question the validity of astrology. But it is very valid. people just read the wrong thing into it and make judgements from there.
And you know, it is a science. the Chinese have a good 10,000 years of information on the subject. Evaluating information is science. Astrology is not some magical mystery thing. It is actually quite basic.
think of it as some form of blueprint about how you may react to life.
552 - josie
Hey Doug,
Positive Vibes! How are things going?
I'm an Aries, what does that say about me?
I'm doing well atm :) Hope everyone is ok.
Love ya all!
Jxx
553 - Taryn
I just turn 14 in May and I have been cutting for about three years. I don't really know how it started but it got worse when I was sexually abused. Then going the trial and such didn't help much at all. I don't know if I should tell my mom because I don't want to hurt her anymore. Sometimes I shut myself off form people and then things like anorexia start. I was wondering how I could get help.
554 - maggie mae
Taryn,
telling your mom won't hurt her, she loves you, she just wants to help you more than anything else. when my mom found out about my cutting, i didn't tell her, she found out by going through my phone, and she was most hurt by the fact that i hadn't told her.
shutting yourself off isn't good, and isolation is actually a symptom/side effect of depression, which another reason why you should tell your mom. and anorexia REALLY isn't good. i've been down that road too, and trust me, it is NOT the answer.
my advice is to tell someone. maybe not your mom at first, but someone that you trust. someone that you can talk to. it really helps. and i know it's not easy. but it's something that you should do if you want help. the fact that want to get help is really good, it means that you acknowledge that this is something you want to stop. like i said, telling someone isn't always easy, but it's something that should be done.
i wish you the best of luck in telling whoever you choose to, and i hope you get the help that you want. keep checking back, i'd be glad to hear how things go for you.
~maggie mae
555 - Douglas Mays
Maggie! Good advice for Taryn. t
Taryn, telling your mom will not hurt her. Quite the opposite. It will be a relief for her. Right now I bet she is twisted just trying to figure out what is going on inside you. she knows something is out of wack. She doesn't know what it is or what to do.
Talking to her might be part of the evolution to the road to recovery...
anyway Taryn, I send you lots of hugz xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
you could use them.
best,
DM
556 - Douglas Mays
Oh Josie, good to hear from you! Positve vibes all around. You and Aries, cool...
Maggie Mae, hhhhmmmm... a thought regarding Taryn's mom loving her. Well, not Taryn specifically, but an example of what is love?
OK, what love means to a psychopath is sure a whole different deal than what it might mean to someone of a healthy mind and upbringing.
OK, love to a psychopath is merely a forged possession of control. has nothing to do with the comprhensive actuality of the word.
So, if someone says 'I love you', just respond with 'what does that mean?'. Love is a good thing to weed out the truth...
But Taryn, Maggie Mae is right, I am sure your mom loves you in a proper human manner that can't be beat...
557 - josie
Hey Taryn, just to reiterate what the other guys have said. You need to talk to someone, otherwise it won't get better. Trust me, I've been doing this shit for 12 years now, and its only since I've found people that i trust and are consistently there for me that I've started to make any headway. Talking about it is one of the hardest things you can do, but it really does help. I wish there was something more I could say to help, but we are all here for you, you aren't alone.
Nice to see everyone else checking back :) hope you are all well
Jxx
558 - JEN
Hi Everyone,
i am new to the blog, but not new to cutting. I am 28 now, and struggling to control it everyday since being admitted to the hospital for severe anxiety, even with therapy and antidepressants. Hope you all know you aren't alone.
559 - Douglas Mays
JEN!!! Welcome to probably the most intense, smart thread in the history of blogdom!
OK, for you, let me just say this... I am very not impressed with aspects of psychiatry. The problem is that you are fed all these wacky pills for how you are feeling. These are pills designed for congenital coditions. Too bad your feelings are environmentally caused, most likely.
You may have seen my 'wife' subplot injected into this thread. that is the deal. Being loaded with uneeded pills that are killing her thanks to her environmental reaction to a so called friend who is an actual REAL psychopath.
At this point I will say that the psychiatrist better keep his malpractice insurance paid and the psychopath should prepare for a lengthy jail sentence. Or an out of court financial settlement (6 figures might work...) to avoid life in orange jumpsuits.
All ducks are in a row on this one.
The point JEN, let's figure out what the trigger is for your cutting. You may have been born with it, or it may have been downloaded in your life.
positive drive, baby...
DM
560 - Douglas Mays
Here is an analogy to make sense of the failure and corruption of the psychiatry industry. The congenital vs. environmental issue as stated above.
OK, say you have cancer. You go to the hospital for your dose of radiation and chemotherapy. Then you go home TO THE HOUSE LOADED WITH ASBESTOSE that gave you cancer in the first place....
In wifey's case here issues (only slightly congenital) are immensely compounded by a real, true psychopath that has targeted her and invaded her life. To the point that her psychiatrist does as he says (psycho taking the role as a self appointed gaurdian and best friend to the mentally ill girl). She is only slightly bi-polar. Only needs a couple of the meds perscribed. I am educated in pharmacuetical and psychiatric fields via past professional and additional field studies experience. But like any abuser, riding the mentally ill claim is a control thing. this psychiatrist is an idiot who likes to take $200 an hour to perscribe dangerous meds that cost $2000 a month, and kill ya at the same time....
anyway JEN, what is your situation. Is your environment painting a picture of illusion for the psych world, when you are actually reacting to your situation as any normal person would.
sounds like you need a level headed advocate.
On the plus side, we are at a time in cultural history where the so called trusted authorities are being busted (Madoff, MJ's doctor, etc..) and challenged. I bring this up as wifey's psychiatrist and psychopath (acting as a legit authority) are soon to be challenged legally to a point they are no longer.
It is a tough world. Full of self absorbed sickness. there are advocates out there. Step forward all you who are upstanding and standing up!
OK JEN, sorry, I am just making a statement of what it is going to take for someone in your condition to heal your soul. It is complex. Today's conventional methods are as backwards as lobotomies...
561 - Douglas Mays
by the way, to all you wondering why the 'wife' story is in this thread...
I am witnessing a form of 'self-mutilation', and reasons of the mind to pursue such an activity of release and expression.
Unfortunately I am also witnessing crimes against a human that is the trigger for 'self-mutilation'. x-wife 'self-mutilates' only to escape oppression by her psychopath friend.
Anyway, just to explain. JEN, JOSIE, MAGGIE MAE, TARYN, CINDY, the posse of this thread!!!! Hope you all are OK. Fill us in!!!!! hugz and positive vibes!!!
562 - Taryn
I haven't mutilated myself at all since I last posted :] I'm proud of myself.
563 - Douglas M
Taryn!!! Absolutely Fabulous!!!! It is a step in being able to figure it all out! Love your pride!!!!
Oh, I forgot to mention NIKKI as part of the online posse to this article. Positive vibes to ya. lots to overcome. Self Mutilation merely a symptom...
xoxoxoxox to all...
564 - josie
hey guys, its been quiet on here of recent. Hope everyones ok. I'm actually doing good at the mo. not sure why, but everything seems easier. No cutting for nearly 4 months now. Been thinking about it the last couple of days, but not ready to give in yet.
keep in touch, will try and write more when im sober
Jxx
565 - Joseph Allen
Sometimes I do it for the interest of pain and the wound. I only do it to the top of my thigh or shoulders though, places people don't see. Also I kinda like the taste of blood...