I was friends with a guy in Elementary school who used a broken pencil sharpener to slash his forearm. He would do this in class. Our teacher either did not notice or did not care. He would then suck up the blood and smile. He encouraged others to do so, though he found few takers.
I recently worked with a girl who had numerous slash-scars on her forearm. I never asked her, obviously, if they were self-inflicted, but I assumed as much.
Why would someone do this? What motivates someone to carve themselves up, these "cutters" as they are called?
Does any other BlogCritic have an anecdote about this type of behavior?
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Jonathan
Sometimes if I'm bored and I have sharp object, I'll start to cut myself a bit without even knowing it.
It's wierd, but strangely entertaining. I don't usually do it, I've just noticed it happen sometimes.
I have a friend who when he is bored carves stuff into his arm.. but he's on alot of drugs.
I asked him why and he said why not..
2 - Roger
That's pretty serious stuff. The above mentioned is rather mild in comparison to the extent some go to. Some people go as far as breaking their own bones and amputation of some body parts. That is the extreme of course. It's kind of an act of aggression used as an emotional outlet. It's treated as seriously as eating disorders and for some reason affects girls more(much like eating disorders). I've actually seen pictures of teen children who have inflicted deep cuts and cigarette burns on themselves.
3 - Roger
Blood letting is another reason people cut themselves. Kind of like the guy and the pencil sharpener blade slashing his forearm. That is a weird addiction that can escalte in seriousness as with all addictions. Some even do it(self mutilation and blood letting)as a Satanic ritual. Not my cup of tea. There's probably stuff all over the internet about it.
4 - tammy
I have been suffering with severe depression most of my life. I started cutting when I was about 14 and now I am 21 and I still do it sometimes. I can't really explain why, I guess it's just that I was never really allowed to cry or get angry when I was a little girl, so I just let it all build up. I cut so that I can see the pain within myself flow back into the world that created it.
5 - Eric Olsen
Whoa Tammy, that sounds pretty serious and I sincerely hope you get some help. It is pointless to blame the world for either your problems or your depression and you are much better off with the blood inside where it serves a vital purpose, rather than outside where all it does is make a mess. Please get help and I wish you the best.
6 - lotus_flower
I can help but to feel slightly perturbed by the comments made that people cute themselves simply bc they are bored. Cutting is nothing to be proud of and i don't understand why it's becoming morbidly idolized. I started cutting when i was 11 years old w/o even knowing what i was doing. i had just found out my mother had cancer and i wanted to kill myself but could'nt get further than just cutting. But somehow it still helped me. I am now 21 and 2 weeks ago i was involuntarily hospitalized for self injury and suicidal tendencies. You don't know how embarrassed I feel about this, bc I am a successful girl with some good people in my life. But as I have gotten older depression and bi-polar feelings have gotten the best of me. I don't want to cut anymore, and i never wanted to. I can feel this way on any given day, and I can see how disgusting it is..but at the same time when I am overcome by sorrow and pain it becomes the only way to cope after i've exhausted all other options. Afterward I become so disgusted with myself, and it is a very harmful circle. But anyway sorry to take up so much space I just wanted to chime in with my thoughts...maybe it'll help someone understand this habit better.
7 - Eric Olsen
Thanks Lotus and I wish you the very best, please do all you can to deal with the problem. Obviously, you already know hurting yourself isn't the answer.
8 - Corinna Hasofferett
May i ask both Tammy and Lotus if they might consider going to a support group for rape victims?
Your mothers, Lotus and Tammy have worked hard for nine months to bring you into the world as perfect as possible. You are a piece of perfect art. Take care of yourselves as you might have taken care of an original Mona Lisa.
You're precious. I really mean it from the bottom of my heart.
9 - Amy
I have had major depressive disorder since I was 12 and an anxiety disorder since I was 10. I've also been diagnosed with an eating disorder. I really like to cut. Its calming and I think it looks pretty. When I do it I feel better, relaxed. When I'm really upset I like to draw pictures or write things on my skin using my razor. I can't cry, because when I do people freak out, they think I might do something bad. I have a therapist, but she doesn't know. I don't trust anyone so there is no one I can talk to. My mom would flip out if she ever knew what was going on. So I'm stuck. And I don't think I want to get better. I don't know how to be happy. Does such a thing even exist?
10 - Eric Olsen
Amy, it's not pretty, or cool, oranything else positive. Think about why you would think anything positive about doing damage to yourself. Tell your mother, tell your therapist and get some real help, quit pretending. And yes, you can be happy.
11 - lotus flower
I just want to thank you all for your positive feedback. Depression and self mutilation are very hard disorders to overcome. Everyday is still a struggle, and I'm so thankful for the times when my mind is actually in peace and I can be happy with myself. I've been out of the hospital for about 3-4 weeks now, and I do feel better at times, I haven't cut since my hospitalization. The medication that I'm on had some negative side effects that acutally encouraged more morbid thoughts than I had previously had. I let my therapist know about this, but right away they threatened to throw me back into the hospital. So I immediately declined and said that I was doing fine. It's a shame that people who are paid to listen and help you won't even do that much. It we be much easier to talk to someone free of judgement and threats, bc I honestly feel that those are the last things that a person with depression needs. Well I will stop my rant now, but if anyone is interested or has any questions feel free to email me, anything is appreciated. I hope my story can give understanding to those who don't understand. For young people that begin cutting and think that it's a beautiful thing, you need to realize that you are embarking on a horrible habit that will exist within for your life. It is hurtful and as good as it may feel in the moment, you need to be careful bc after cutting for years, it can escalate into something bigger than yourself...be careful and look for another way....
12 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
k, i've been trying to avoid this here board becuase it brings up a few things id rather forget and also, i tend to be a bit of an arse for comcial purposes on other comments, but i just wanna advise you, Elizabeth, that i don't think you really wanna be posting invitations like that along with your email address.
Take care folks. Don't be doin nothing daft, alright?
13 - Eric Olsen
Elizabeth, I had to delete your comment because we really truly do not want to encourage people to do anything like this, regardless of our needs for school projects.
14 - Douglas Mays
I've known enuf 'cutters' in my life. It sure is an authentic psychological malady.
What is the answer? It is a problem being worked on. How to handle the specifics of the cause, what are the specifics? That is the question.
peaceloveguidance
15 - Tom Johnson
Wow. I missed this when it was originally posted, but catching up on these comments brings back memories of a girlfriend I had who confided to me that she had done this at times. I didn't really understand it at the time, and I just thought she was being dramatic, but I've come to realize more of what goes on to cause this and have read some on the subject.
From what I gather, it's a control issue. Many of those who take part in this behavior have been abused and have yet to fully come to grips with what they've suffered through. Those who were abused cut because the abuse they suffered was at the hands of someone else - they had their control taken away. Cutting is something that they alone are in control of, and it can make them feel better because they can say, "There, see, I did that, I took control and did that," even if they never show it to anyone else. This, like eating disorders, is one small way they can retain some control over what they feel is so far out of their control. It's sad and scary. I really hope all of these girls can face the reality of the situation and ask someone for help.
16 - Douglas Mays
Tom: thanks for the info. man!
Irie
17 - Nick Jones
It's not only girls or women who cut themselves.
I've cut myself for one or the other of two reasons, especially during the years when I used a box cutter in my daily work. Rage and self-hatred is one: seeing again and again the women I'd be attracted to prefer someone else because...I don't have the skills, looks, money or personality to attract the women I like? I'm too obviously needy? that I'm not traditionally "manly" enough? Whether one or all or none of the above, or something else entirely, I felt the need to punish myself for what I perceived as a failure on my part, or myself as a human being.
The other reason is like the old joke: patient goes to see his doctor. "Doctor! Doctor!," he cries, "I have a terrific headache!" The doctor gives him a vicious kick in the shins, and the patient drops to the floor, howling. "Forgotten about your headache, haven't you?" says the doctor.
When I'd have an volcanic instance of emotional distress, cutting myself would tear the focus away from my emotional pain to my physical pain, and relieve the feeling that my head was going to explode.
The dividing line between the two modes is not at all distinct, and more often than not a blend to one degree or another, like compound colors: sometimes a blue-gray is more blue, sometimes more gray.
18 - CW Fisher
There is no pain like mental anguish. Most physical pain, as nagging and annoying as it may be, doesn't hurt like an injured spirit. There are no bandages, no words, no drugs or treatments that can balm the sores inside us. Drugs and booze work temporarily, but the pain only comes back worse.
Yet nothing so satisfies a tortured soul as a bit of self-inflicted pain. What better way to be obedient to the tyrants who put us in that pain, but to continue their insults in their absense?
Of course you'll be told the problem is in you, that your "tormentors" are either imagined or not the point. This is partially true. But the part that is false could kill you. Some things are not your fault, and the urge to cut is one of them.
People who have been abused often attract new abusers. In the absense of an abuser, they'll do it themselves with the regularity of changing their oil. Maintenance.
Most "normal" people will tell you buck up and stop hurting yourself. Makes sense, good advice, means nothing, doesn't help.
Counselors suck in general, and are more likely to be dangerous than benign. A few are helpful. All are to be questionned, and none are to be kept for longer than 6 months. Rotate.
Drugs, who knows? Antidepressants are ubiquitous and misunderstood, but they provide the best shot at achieving some sort of normalcy from which you can rebuild your life. Psychiatrists today are there to simply notarize prescriptions. Otherwise they are without worth. (A sweeping generalization, I admit; but I'll stand by it).
Teenagers should not take antidepressants because they can cause the very problem they're supposed to be solving. Lots of kids on anti-D's kill themselves.
Here's what does work. Awareness, awareness, awareness. Talk, talk, talk. Openness and honesty. If you cut and hide, and you can't stop, then show someone you love and trust. Show them what you've done and ask them what they think. Talk, write, talk.
What is sad about this is not that people carve. What's sad is the incompetence of the mental health "community" and the lack of support it receives from insurance companies and the federal government. The stigma of mental illness has budged an inch, but that's it.
Parents, ministers, counselors and shrinks, on hearing you're carving, will likely freak, seek your incarceration, and make you their project. If you turn yourself over to these people, you risk more than you know.
React. But do not over-react. Carving is not much different than piercing, except that one's a fad, the other a disorder.
Good luck.
19 - Nick Jones
Lately, I've been seeing reports on how the SSRIs, especially Lilly's, have been linked to suicidal and homicidal behaviors. I could have told them that sixteen years ago, when Prozac made my depression and anxiety WORSE, and landed me in a psychiatric hospital. Word is that the numerous SSRI-related suicide and homicide cases were quietly settled by Lilly to keep their name out of court records and newspapers.
Granted, Prozac and other SSRIs have helped many people, but in my case, and doubtless many others, I believe that they have been prescribed as a blanket panacea, without proper screening of patients for whom they would be diastrous, and internal Lilly documents now coming to light of iffy methodology and ignored warning flags seems to bear me out. I feel like I was used as an uninformed, nonconsenting guinea pig.
Stand by your generalization. My experience with the psychiatric and psychological community has been primarily been: pretend to listen to you while they squeeze you into some Procrustean category from the DMLV-III (not sure if that's the correct title, I don't have a reference handy), give you a prescription, tell you to think good thoughts, and do some breathing exercises. The patient as lab experiment, the ultimate simplistic misuse of the straitjacket of cause and effect. I believed for many years now that psychiatry and psychology are arts, not sciences, and like the other arts, there are more hacks than geniuses
20 - CW Fisher
Nick: Psychiatry used to be an art, but the science has been conceded to the drug companies, and these giant pharmaceutical outfits know how the game is played. The OxyContin patent battle exposed how it works. If you grease the right palms at the FDA, it all works out. I feel sorry for the older shrinks who used to get to talk to their patients at least, maybe even get to feel useful once in a while, answering the phone in the middle of the night to calm somebody down. Those days are gone. I'd rather be a toll collector than a psychiatrist now.
Your point about feeling like a lab rat? You probably were.
The drug industry is full of crime, and empty of people to stop it.
Btw, here's a research project for us: what percentage of a given population over the last 100 years has been diagnosed with mental illness, and what percent of the American population is currently prescribed antidepressant medication? I suspect the number of people being treated is very high, higher than the highest "norm" ever recorded. And I'll also wager the drug companies have an answer for that ready: better diagnoses, better treatments.
I'm not so sure.
21 - Nick Jones
Lab rat indeed. Prozac was hailed as the brand new wonder drug (oh, pardon me - medication) for depressives in 1988. Not that my suffering is in the same league, but I feel a certain kinship with the victims of the Tuskegee Experiments, the MK-ULTRA LSD dosings, the chemical/biological experiments carried out in the Fifties/Sixties in San Francisco, New York City and elsewhere, and the G.I.s who were ordered to march into mushroom clouds after atomic tests or were dusted with Agent Orange in Vietnam. As I see it, it's all part of The 'Expert' Syndrome - a controlling group (or "elite", if you will: military, political, religious, financial, etc.) that believes it has the right to make policy without needing to consult those that it will most effect: "You don't NEED to know; we know what's best; don't worry your pointy little head about it." Or, "I'm from the government; I'm here to help you"'s bigger, more sinister, brother.
22 - HeyJude
I really liked Nick's explanation about the doctor joke, I came about this site because I am doing research for a project, the reason I choose the topic is because I do it. I thought by looking at it I would be able to stop...
I started when my parents annoced their divorce after about five seperations and renunions, I didn't know how to take it, I hurt so bad that I wanted to see if I was real still, I wanted to see blood the true sign of mortality. I had friends who were disgusted in me, one who even physically pushed me away from me and started screaming. It just made me want to do it more, now I'm three years in and Freshman year has started me on the downward spiral again.
23 - HW Saxton Jr.
Get some f**king help,dude. Seriously.
Get some help.You are one sick little
puppy.
24 - jadester
OK, this is probably gonna sound stupid, but:
to those of you who cut yourselves, have you ever considered a kind of halfway? I mean piecrings and/or tattoos. If you go to a reputable place it's at least as safe as cutting yourself at home, you still get pain, and you have something to show for it afterwards.
Hell, if you want, i'll even do you a unique tattoo design (free =+), just ask. I can show you two examples of what i can do - one that's actually in place and one that's a rough design.
25 - Nick Jones
Cutting already is halfway - between suffering in wretched silence, and killing whoever it is that's causing the suffering.