All-Jewish Choir sings "God Bless America" lyrics to "Hava-Nageelah" music performed by The Wolfowitz Family Band, featuring Paul on the Freshly Licked Comb.
Commercial Break: 30 minute program of 1 minute video spots provided by the Pharmaceutical Industry, the NRA, HMO Administrator's Association, Exxon/Mobil, Wal-Mart, CityBank, NYSE, Halliburton, ClearChannel, Disney, Shearson-Lehman Brothers, et. al.
Light-Hearted Funny Musical Skit with entire Supreme Court singing, "I Got No Strings" from Disney's Pinnocchio, with choreography by Dick Cheney, Jeb Bush, and Oil Industry representatives.
POPE JOHN is lowered onto stage on a wheelchair atop a gigantic, winged canned ham; he performs medieval ceremony that canonizes the late Ronald Reagen as the Patron Saint of Naps; then lip-syncs a pre-recorded speech warning against the evils of feminism, abortion, working moms, birth control pills, women who vote — and how uppity women are destroying the value of the nuclear family. He wraps it up by asserting that an entire life spent living among brooding closeted homosexual men, an 80-some odd year celibacy, and the fact that he's never been within spitting distance of a woman OR a nuclear family gives him a huge amount of authority to scold the world concerning women and their families. (NOTE to TV camerman: on closeups, the proper "dutch angle" will make the pope's tilted head appear to be perpendicular to the floor. Thanks in advance.)
El PAPA then introduces NANCY REAGAN, who thanks the Pope, who is then resealed in the gigantic winged-Spam can and reascends into a manufactured cloudbank of theater-fog.
CUE special 'spooky' lighting and Theramin music:
NANCY REAGAN dons Astrological robes and channels the spirit of Ronny, who asserts that abortion is evil and that he's no longer interested in stem cell research — since he's dead. "He" also denies that he's the father of Ron Junior, implicating the late Democratic shill, Frank Sinatra in that regrettable birth. Adds that Ron Junior might be the ONLY moral justification for abortion, but agrees not to pursure it from his spot in the afterlife.
CUE "I Did It My Way" to biographical collage of Reagan's life on Diamond Vision Screen; intercut him in cowboy hat with chain-saw mixed with pictures of George W. in cowboy hat with chain-saw. (Note: During collage, Photoshop out all images of Bonzo the Chimp, Jane Wyman, and Dick Cheney — for public relations purposes.)
Article comments
1 - Dirtgrain
We're not worthy.
Question: Four Horses of the Apocalypse = Rumsfeld, Rove, Ashcroft and Cheney?
2 - HW Saxton Jr.
Shark, If this wasn't so fuck**g close to the truth I'd be laughing my ass off.
3 - boomcrashbaby
This is brilliant satire. Did I overlook any mention of Farenheit 9/11 or health care, or are they not scheduled for convention discussion? (Shelved like Condolezza??)
4 - Eric Olsen
very funny, clever and elaborate - this is what you do best. Thanks Shark!
5 - Shark
Thanks for the kind words, kids. You know I do it all for you!
Saxton, re. your comment:
I wrote this about 2 weeks ago but I figured I'd better post it, since much of what I wrote was already starting to go from fictional satire to reality nightmare, ie that emergency, hastily thrown-together "Sunday Surprise" terrorist "warning" that gave us vital information that was 2 to 4 years old.
A satirist almost can't keep up with the Bushies. Along with freedom and democracy, they're making satire obsolete.
6 - Shark
UPDATE: As usual, I was correct; the "compassion" night at the Nuremberg spectacle included a greater percentage of minority speakers than are in attendance at the 'rally'.
Watching the idiot box, you'd think the GOP was the NAACP and the LULAC combined.
Feh.
And Zell Miller? Man, that was almost as self-destructive for the GOP as Pat Buchanan's culture war tirade a few years ago.
More Zell! We love slobbering southern inbreeds!